Which came first?

After a recent discussion on my playgroup list-serv, I was happy to note that I'm not the only one dealing with bedtime issues. It seems that no matter what stage we're in, or what milestone is next, sleep is still the first and most important topic of conversation. And we're 2 years into this, people! In her infancy, Elisa was not a good sleeper, had colic and did not want to go gently into that goodnight. I think perhaps it was mastering her own unique soothing skills (through nights of endless screaming and my crying) that allowed her to arrive at a place around 4 months of age where she could consistently get 11-12 hours of sleep. I read an excerpt of a sleep study not long ago that upheld this idea. Apparently colicky babies are some of the best sleepers later in toddlerhood because of their hard fought adaptability and self-soothing habits. Elisa has also been a solid thumbsucker since about that same time and I don't regret her choice. Ask me again in 2 more years, but for now, it works.

So it was with some intrigue that I read an article on Motherlode yesterday about bedtimes and the impact of a mother's mood on the baby's sleep habits. Yes, mothers. Not parents, but don't get me started on that. The point of the study, which included 39 mothers being videotaped putting their kids down for bed, was to see if the emotional state of the mother affected the quality of her child's sleep. And lo and behold it did. Mothers who were angry or stressed or not emotionally connecting had children who slept worse. Is this real? Is this fair to burden us with yet another way we can completely fuck things up?

Who knows, but it does remind me of something I have long believed to be true. When I'm trying to get something else done, or I'm nervous it will be a fight, or maybe I just don't know how she will do if she's been sick or cranky, it feels like those are the nights Elisa does worse. But when I'm home on my own with her and she and I have a bit of time to hang out together and I can really interact with her one-on-one, it's like bedtime is the easiest part of the day. And even when I think back to her being such a nightmare baby, my mother always seemed to have an easier time getting her to stay asleep. She would laugh and say it was because she had no expectations of her. She was the grandma and she was just enjoying those precious moments. But really, was it because she wasn't hormonally stressed out and frustrated? Is the documented link between colic and depression in new mothers yet another bit of evidence in this puzzle? I'll probably never know what did it for us, but I do think this is something to consider. And maybe it will help me take a deep breath and focus on Elisa when we're having one of those evenings where it's all going a little haywire. Maybe we can get better sleep that way. It's worth a shot.