Coney Island Adventures

Last week had its highs and lows--mostly involving Elisa. We started off the week returning from North Carolina which was a bit of a long day, but all went well. The girls rocked the flight and despite the nasty weather, we were back home in time for an early bedtime on Monday night.  After a few days away from the city, it felt like summer was really here and there was a lot of anticipation for the week ahead.  Tuesday was all about returning to our routines at school and the park. On Wednesday, Elisa had her evaluation for the Dual Language program at P.S. 150 which went well. Hopefully we'll know this week if she has a spot and if so, we'll face the final decision about where she's going to go to Kindergarten. But more on that later. Yes, the week was busy but going well so when Nacho mentioned he was off on Thursday and Elisa's UPK was closed, it was a perfect excuse to do something summery. Nacho suggested hitting Coney Island since it had been 6 or so years since we'd been down there.  Then I remembered that the NY Aquarium had only recently reopened after the extensive damage from Hurricane Sandy, and I thought it would be a nice double feature. I signed us up for a Wildlife Conservation Society membership (with a $20 discount for a googled promo code!) the night before thanks to a tip from some friends at the park, and away we went to indulge in free parking and all the aquatic wildlife you could stand. 

The vision I had created in my head was a fun-filled day on the boardwalk ending in a ride on the Wonder Wheel and two happily exhausted kids.  But what happened as soon as we got to the aquarium was that Elisa wanted to take off and run ahead of us the entire time. The first few rooms full of tanks with beautiful fish and stingrays were definitely awe-inspiring, but she was in a mad dash. I found myself mainly admiring the fish by myself while Nacho chased the girls.  Since there wasn't much to see inside, we quickly headed out to investigate further. But unfortunately, the place was mostly roped off because of the ongoing reconstruction efforts. Then Elisa spotted an ice cream cart and wouldn't relent while poor Carolina wanted out of her stroller and couldn't really see much of the outside exhibits anyway. It was not shaping up to be a banner day. We didn't have great timing for the seal show which started an hour and a half later, so we decided to head over to the boardwalk for lunch and maybe double back if time permitted. We could save this day yet...

Things outside the aquarium started off okay. We hit a small play area on the beach for a few minutes before walking further down. We peeked into the amusement parks and I told Elisa we might go there later if she was acting good.  Then it was time for lunch and the lines at Nathan's were pretty long so I encouraged Nacho to treat the girls to ice cream while we all waited (and because I was sick of hearing Elisa tell us she wanted ice cream. Really?). I know he wasn't thrilled with this idea, but it was my attempt at appeasement.  And just like Chamberlain with Hitler, I was terribly wrong.  Of course, our kindness was not repaid with gratitude. No, instead of enjoying a peaceful meal sitting on a bench, we were screamed and fussed at from all directions. The skies were clouding up and the wind made it almost too cold to enjoy sitting there.  Nacho and I barely spoke as we wolfed down our lunch and chugged a beer. Carolina wanted to bolt again from her stroller, and Elisa was now begging to go back to the playground on the beach.  There was no relaxation or enjoyment of this ocean view. It was chaos. And I was annoyed. 

While I attempted to change Carolina's diaper at the public restroom, Nacho went off to chase Elisa on the beach. And we were both surprised by what came next. I returned to the boardwalk because the changing table inside was so sandy and disgusting. A quick diaper change on a public bench wouldn't be too bad, right? Oh, but there was poop...and I didn't realize it until the wipes were further than an arm's reach away. There was a quick shuffle, a smear on her shoes...the kind of scenario you picture rookie moms having. But no, there I was. And really I would never have changed a poopy one right next to a woman sitting 2 feet away on the other side of the divider. Oh well. I had to carry on, so I did. Meanwhile, Nacho was searching the playground for Elisa only to find out she'd started off to the one farther away without telling us. Yeah, this was heading for a bad ending. We managed to throw Elisa in the stroller while letting Carolina walk as we marched back to the car. There was no more fun for the day--not that we'd had any anyway. What kills me with Elisa is that she's so headstrong and so completely unnerved by charging out on her own. I know our local park only encourages this because she plays out of our view most of the time (and we love that given the safe, enclosed environment). But she doesn't realize that she can't do this out in public. And she didn't listen to our warnings about staying close which upset Nacho and sent me into another tirade as we wrangled her into the car.

Lately there's been so much yelling with her and I hate it. I hate that she doesn't listen. I hate that we are constantly trying to pull her back from the edge of reason.  She can't seem to enjoy what she has and she's always wanting more, more, more.  Or she needs help and she can't just ask, she has to yell and cry for every. fucking. thing. It's exhausting.  And unlike the advice I read, my calm voice does nothing to instill calm and control in her. So I resort to threats and yelling. Taking things away. And mostly that works, but it's such a joykill. I just don't understand why Elisa can't figure out how to have fun without making us all crazy. So our little trip to the edge of Brooklyn wasn't exactly the thrilling day I imagined, but maybe that's okay.  I have to keep at it, or I would stay home all day waiting for Elisa to act better. After nearly 5 years, I know that's not going to happen. It was one of those experiments of trying something new, and it failed. But I got a better lay of the land for Coney Island and we saw a few neighborhoods around Brooklyn with some greenery and great views of the Verrazano Bridge. So maybe we'll be back. But not anytime soon.

The week in review

This week kicked my ass. First there was Monday's horrible turn of events at the Boston Marathon followed by the Senate overwhelming rejecting some much need gun reform legislation. Add in one massively destructive explosion at a fertilizer plant in Texas and my truly shitastic luck cracking the screen on our one week old iMac, and I was ready to call an end to the thing by Wednesday.  And yes, I know how absurd it is to put those  scenarios in the same sentence as my pitiful computer problems. But whatever. They all made me cry. There was a lot of emotion this week--enough that I was happy to bring a pitcher of sangria to the park on Friday afternoon and kill it with some good friends.  Sometimes in the midst of anxiety and sadness, you just need one good thing to happen. And if I push myself, I can honestly say there were a couple of those too.  Like seeing a friend from high school who was great to catch up with or hanging out at brunch with my mama friends today. And how about finding out that Elisa made the cut at the Kindergarten lottery for a great charter school? That's better than a kick in the head, right? But I'm still done with this week. Good night, Saturday. Hope Sunday is more my speed.

One on one

I'm posting these here to remind me that today Carolina and I had fun while big sister was away at preschool. It doesn't always feel like fun now that this 19 month old is in full-on tantrum mode. She loves to throw herself face down on the couch or bed when she's upset or flounce to the floor and very gently lay herself back until she has proved her point. Cue the drama.  Yes, she is so close to really talking that she gets frustrated very easily when I don't understand her wants. And there are many.  All the time.  Like seriously, I can't turn around without her pointing and blurting on about something else. It's hard to have a minute to think sometimes when she is so constantly needy.  This is marginally better when her sister is home and can help distract and/or entertain her. But then again, that often creates other wants because anything Elisa is doing or eating or playing with becomes Carolina's sole focus. Yes, these are trying times.  And then there's the shrieking--some happy some mad--that can do your head in when all you want is some peace and quiet on a cold, slushy day inside.  But today was better. She danced and laughed and ate all kinds of fruit and snacks with me this morning.  She was a pleasure to spend time with, and I gave in to tickling and cajoling and messing with her enough that she didn't beg for anything.  And when we sat down to take these pictures near the window in the kitchen, she was my silly, smiley girl.  And then big sister came home with a lollipop and ruined it all. Oh well. At least I have the pictures. 

Beach Week '12

It's been a while since we've had a proper NC Beach Week in Emerald Isle since last summer I was having a baby and the year before that we were run out because of a hurricane.  Three years full of trips to other shores, but I was missing our oceanfront visits here. It was time to give it another go.  My parents got Aunt Barbara and our old family friend Leroy on board to join us, and Stace and the kids are back East now which made this feel like the right time.  Yes, on paper 2012 should have been my year to enjoy the beach. Except so far it's not. I think we're still a year--or two *gulp*--away from me being able to really relax. There's still way too much neediness, sleep maintenance, crazy tantrums and wiping sand off of food to enjoy my beer on the beach and swim in the surf. Oh, and the sharks. Did I mention we were swimming in shark-infested waters yesterday? Yeah, so far, I'm surviving this trip and it's nice to be with family if for no other reason than to hang out and eat. But the beach part of things isn't as carefree as I would like. If Elisa is ready for the beach at 9 a.m., Carolina is just heading off to nap. When Carolina is up and fed and ready to go to the beach with me, you guessed it--Elisa is ready to come up and nap. It's a neverending cycle of do this/do that for everyone else when all I really want is to be selfish and lay on the beach with a good magazine.  Maybe trips away from the kids aren't a good idea anymore since instead of refueling me for another round, it's just made me crave my own downtime all the more. 

It doesn't help that I'm in the middle of a vicious downturn with Elisa.  I'm just running on empty with that kid.  She seems constantly sleep-deprived from all the early morning wakings with Carolina, refuses to go back to bed and then makes us all pay for it throughout the day.  She gets way too sassy and defiant too many times a day.  She gets upset and cries for every little thing and then all my energy is spent trying to deal with her mood swings instead of the business at hand. And instead of finding some patience to deal with it to help us both move on, I just want to scream and run away.  It's not pretty.  I normally have days like this that come and go, but this particular cycle seems to be stuck on rinse and repeat.  I just need a glimmer of hope or a sign that it will end soon.  I keep thinking that I've been putting up with screaming and crying and general defiance from Elisa for 4 years now and I deserve better than that. What is wrong with her that she cannot control herself or communicate any better than she does?  I've seen her do it and it's wonderful.  Why can't the outbursts and the bad days be fewer and further between? And yes, I know she's only 4. But fuck. It's just too much some days.  Which leaves me to wonder if it's me that's failing her? I don't know. I've been hoping that once Carolina's nap schedule whittles down to one a day, we might consider keeping Elisa in school til 3 p.m.  Maybe that would be best for both of us. Because this vacation away from our humdrum routine of apartment/school/park time is giving me time to reflect on what I would like our life to look like when we get home. Hopefully we can break through this and enjoy the days that are left here.  And if not, there's always 2013. 

Still digging out...

First, before I start to moan on and on about how hard it is to live a life of endless vacations, here are a few more highlights of our time in Spain. Ahhhhh...the life we all need to have at least 3 weeks a year.

Now for the moaning.  I'm not sure why, but this summer's end kind of slammed me in the face. Maybe it was the disastrous re-entry to East Coast Time Zone (my new post-flight motto: NEVER let them nap) or the fact that I'm just not as young and able as I once was (no laughter, please). But if the grueling 8 hour amuse-a-cranky-toddler trip itself didn't kill me, the first week home almost did. It was, in a word, rough. I couldn't get Carolina back on track since her horrible first night's 3 p.m. bedtime. Why on earth I thought that it would be okay for all of us to nap at 3 p.m. and not just push through a few more hours awake, I'll never know. Actually, part of the blame goes to our earlier than usual arrival time. We made it back Stateside around 12:30 p.m. instead of 2ish. And that made a huge difference in the rest of the day. We were up earlier to get to the airport, and by the time we'd made it to NYC, everyone was well beyond exhausted. There wasn't the usual rebound of seeing new toys and just relaxing a bit. We crashed. Hard. By the time I woke up in a haze at 7:30 p.m., I knew things were awry. Carolina could not be roused, and Elisa was a beast that did not care if Dora was on. She kept falling back asleep on the couch despite the blare of TV, lights and dinner under her nose.  By the time I got her up and back to bed around 10 p.m., I knew my night was just starting. I hit the pillow around 11 p.m. and just like clockwork, Carolina was up for the day at 1:20 a.m. Oh yes. It was a nightmare. But little by little we got that moved forward and by the time I bolted from the city again on Friday, Nacho wasn't completely screwed. The girls have both been waking early (between 5-6 a.m.) but luckily they are sleeping better overall.  So that's the foundation for my total mental exhaustion and this nasty sinus infection I seem to have developed over the weekend is just the icing on the cake. I just have no ambition to do anything or clean up this mess, or even blog or bake. It's awful.  But soon I will be back to my old self and then it will be time to hit the beach in NC. Yes, we have more vacation to conquer. Thankfully, this one is in the same time zone. More soon.