Breaking out the camera

Truthfully, I've been a bit lazy with the camera lately. Since the demands of my daily photo blog ended, I think I've been rebelling a bit and have kept the camera tucked away. Trips to the park or the city have been lighter without it and there's always my new smart phone camera if I really want to document the moment. I even find I want to blog here less because I just don't have any good photos to share. Photos are everything to me. They remind me of where I've been and they make the present seem so much richer and more colorful. So this morning as we were horsing around in Elisa's room, I thought why not break it out again. There is something so fun and spontaneous about sitting down with Elisa and the camera and wondering what I'll get.

The thousand yard stare that goes right through you.

The smile that shows you how much she loves to laugh.

The crazy face that means she's enjoying her turn in front of the camera.

Showing off her friends and talking to them as if they are really listening (usually an "Awwww...come 'ere.")

The deeply reflective moment that says she's got so much going on in that head of hers.

See what I would have missed today without this camera?

I told you...

The way things have been going lately, I'm really trying my best to remember that dealing with Elisa's tantrums without another baby in the mix yet is a blessing. She's taken to clearing off tables and toys with a swipe of her arm while stomping around and occasionally shouting "damn!" And though I am admittedly fond of cursing myself, I'm not sure that one is really in heavy rotation, so it somehow manages to make me snicker mildly at her hysterics. Even though it's becoming more and more physically awkward to lift and restrain her at times, I still have the luxury of time to focus on her and whatever reserves of patience I can muster. She's also been taunting me with lots of "I told you's" and new expressions of her growing independence. Add a newborn to this mess, and I'm pretty sure I'd be hightailing it to California without either of them this week. But as it is, we are heading there together as a family. Ah, yes, a family trip! When we found out Nacho would be in training for 6 weeks starting in May, it fell to April to make the most of our time together and what better way to do that than to visit our far flung family out West. Each time we travel with Elisa, I'm amazed how some things are much easier and yet it's still a marathon of endurance. In some ways she understands more about the timeline of doing things and the fact that we are going to take an airplane to visit Mia and Jordan, yet she can't possibly realize what the time difference means for her sleep routine. So we will soldier on with a direct flight to LAX followed by a 3 hour car ride and look forward to our reunions with Stace and the family. I have no idea what they will think of all her changes, but I'm pretty sure Elisa will save some of her sass for them too.

Tiny Dancer Part II

If you've seen the first part of Elisa's dancing on Facebook already, you can rest assured Part II is equally amusing. I walked in on her interpretive dancing the other day, and it was definitely a style I've not seen before. She may be taking some cues from her dance-lovin' mama, but the rest is pure Elisa. Enjoy!

This one's a keeper

Yesterday was one of those rare days that I wouldn't mind doing all over again. So much of our day-to-day life is like a tedious Groundhog's Day: wake, play, lunch, nap, play, dinner, bath, and bed. Repeat. And it can be even more tedious when it rains or snows, or as in yesterday, does both...repeatedly. But fortunately, I had a doctor's appointment in the city that morning and just by the fact that we had to be somewhere at 9:00 a.m., I knew the day would be different. So why not go for it and make it completely different and new? Starting with a cab ride into Manhattan was a good option for fighting the freezing rain and making life a little easier for this pregnant mama. As a New Yorker for 6 years already, I must confess I never take cabs unless we're getting to/from the airport without a car. That's it. It just feels extravagant and I usually prefer schlepping it on public transport anyway, so this was a real treat and one that set the mood for the whole day--just me and Elisa doing fun things, foregoing the stroller and hoping for the best. We went to my OB/GYN checkup where she got fawned over by all the staff and doctor, and then it was time to grab a little mid-morning snack at a nearby Pain Quotidien.

Elisa was truly in perfect form after waltzing through the city with her Hello Kitty umbrella (not pictured here because she swiped mine eventually) so the pit stop to refuel and gulp down some coffee, fruit and pastries was well timed. We pulled up some chairs at the long communal table and Elisa snatched a menu and began reciting the alphabet in her playful way of telling me what was on it. It was just one of those moments when I found myself enjoying her companionship, her humor and yes, her love of coffee. We ordered a large latte, and she had her spoon in it before I could even add the sugar. She was almost absurdly delightful--the kind of child I would normally stare at and wonder "how do you get one of those??" And by meal's end, instead of springing up and refusing to sit in her chair any longer, she was doing exaggerated hugs and kissing my face. And I totally loved it. It was like she'd aged a decade overnight and I wanted to stay there forever. We walked to the bus, made it home by noon and the rest of the day was equally enjoyable, if laid back. Days like that are what make the other days tolerable, I suppose. It's what makes you want to keep trying and keep thinking of new ways to do things so you can see just what she's capable of. Yesterday Elisa didn't disappoint, and neither did I.

Remember her?

Since it feels like I've been reliving so much of what transpired three years ago with my first pregnancy, I thought it only natural to spend some time looking at photos of the first few weeks of Elisa's life. What a shock it was to finally see her that August day. No matter how long 9 months feels sometimes, the first 48 hours with your own baby is nothing if not surreal. Calling yourself someone's mom is just weird at first, let alone holding and feeding a baby that you can't quite reconcile with the alien kicking machine you've been harboring all that time. Sonograms are amazing and yet, they can't fully prepare us for what this little being will look and act like. I remember seeing Elisa and just being in awe of her dark hair and her buggy little eyes and smushy nose. She wasn't a looker, by any means, but she was mine. And it was so exciting to finally see her and to know she was real.

And now again I find myself caught up in the daydreaming game of what will this baby be like? Will she come out looking anything like her sister and will we see as much physical change in her as we did with Elisa? And maybe it's just because I'm getting those first flutters and kicks again that I'm anxious to see where this will all lead. It's easy to forget I'm pregnant somedays with all the craziness of caring for Elisa and running this show on my own (case in point, tonight we're on night #3 without Nacho). But then there is the growing belly that reminds me I'm on my way. Half way already, in fact. With so much more to go. Sigh. And that's when I remind myself that it's good that I have another 4+ months before I get to meet this little girl. I have a lot more daydreaming to do.

It's in the look

After spending yesterday morning at the park, we waited eagerly for Nacho to come home so we could head into the city during the balmy evening. Even though the temps were in the 70s, just knowing it wouldn't last another day was bittersweet. We headed to our usual stomping ground: Union Square, followed by Washington Square, and then the East Village. With nothing much in mind, it was a lowkey evening in search of a meal before heading back home.

One thing I've noticed lately is how much Elisa watches people. She really observes and takes it all in. Like last night on the bus home, she was carefully watching a middle aged couple talk emphatically about their adult daughter who had just decided to hop off and catch a cab. It was a strange scene with the emotionally withdrawn mother checking her phone, the father all neuroses and diatribes against the haughty daughter. And as much as I tried to keep my own roving eyes off them, Elisa couldn't stop looking. And who can blame her? She is always watching and imitating us at home and the world is just a bigger and better stage, right? I suppose if she is destined to be a great actress someday, living in New York City is a perfect training ground. There's definitely no shortage of people to watch and as this weather warms up, we plan on being out there to see them in all their crazy glory.

Back in the sun

Today was by far the warmest day at the park so far this year. Ah, yes. The return of the sun and the chance to get outside and enjoy some fresh air. Although Elisa wasn't thrilled to stay after an hour or so--she was already starting in with "I wanna go home!"--it was stretched a bit longer. I just couldn't stand the thought of going home and sitting inside when the temps were pushing 65 degrees. And apart from a wasp getting tangled up in her hair, I'd say the afternoon was a delight. Luckily that came out with a little coaxing and no stinging us, and Elisa was back to playing for a few more minutes. I'm really looking forward to more time in the sun this spring and summer and today was a great little taste of what's to come...

Twice as nice

Today was the day I've been waiting for since I found out I was pregnant again. We had our mid-pregnancy anatomy scan this morning at the hospital and it was like waking up on Christmas morning with all the accompanying anticipation. I suppose there aren't a lot of opportunities to be truly surprised anymore, but I'm not sure I could have waited 20 more weeks to find out the baby's gender. This already felt like an eternity wanting to know who was going to complete our family. So off we went with Elisa in tow in a surprisingly good mood. By mid-morning we were situated in the sonogram exam room and Nacho had the honor of trying to keep Elisa in line and away from my belly after sticking her hand in the gooey gel that coated me. At first, I think she expected the doctor was for her, but we kept repeating that this was mama's doctor and that we were going to get to see the baby on the TV screen. She really couldn't care less, but she did ask about the baby a little as we watched all the measurements and body parts pointed out onscreen.

As the minutes ticked by, I could tell the tech was getting most of the anatomy scan completed without a good view of the front of the baby's lower half. She joked a few times about this "shy" baby and I started to feel the tension of all my desires to know the sex trying not to bubble to the surface. I tried to clear my head and lower all expectations, but there is something about being so close to knowing and not finding out that just drives you mad. I MUST find out today, I kept thinking without wanting to. I could feel that the time was dwindling down and then the tech suggested I empty my bladder and come back in to see if that helped move the baby. Fine. Done. But no luck. Then she had me lay on my side for a few minutes (while she surfed the Internet oddly enough), but that didn't appear to do much either. And then, just as she was zooming in and out one more time, the baby slowly moved around and she seemed to focus on something. I could tell we were getting a view from beneath the baby and I'm sure I held my breath as the tech slowed things down and started to hold the wand still. This was it. We were so close.

And then I could see the lines. Three little lines. "A girl," she said. And there it was on screen for all of us to see. "So pretty definitive?" I asked. "Yes." But still, it didn't feel real. A little sister for Elisa. Another girl to help outnumber Nacho in our home. The missing piece of our puzzle. This was it. And to be completely honest, there was a small tinge of disappointment as I weighed all this in my mind. Something about the finality of knowing and realizing that this is most likely our last child together. Now we know we won't get to experience having a boy. And yet, I am one of two sisters, and in many ways I know I wanted Elisa to have the chance to be and have a sister. It's what I have had and I consider myself very fortunate to be the little sister. I can already picture the room they will share all decked out in its girlishness, sharing clothes and toys and being best friends. And something about that just feels right. This is the baby we've been waiting for and she's just perfect.

Green thumb girl

Coming down south at the first sign of spring means a chance to help get things greened up around here. On Friday Grandma had the idea of enlisting Elisa's help with some leaf raking, digging and planting in the yard. With some leftover kid friendly tools from her cousin Mia, Elisa even looked the part of the eager gardener. However, we soon found out that she would rather dance and sing and stomp around the yard than actually do some work. Go figure. But still, Grandma managed to keep her attention just long enough to plant a few seeds and so the cycle begins. Hopefully on our next trip down, Elisa can see the fruits of her labor and maybe get a bit more excited about helping out in the yard. Anything's possible, right?

One thing I have been pleasantly surprised by during this visit is just the ease with which Elisa communicates with my parents and how she's taken very subtle suggestions with grace ("five more minutes to play before dinner" or "we're going to do a bath after Dora is over..."), making transitions much easier. We haven't had much arguing over naptimes or bedtimes, and sitting down at the table to eat dinner last night was a joy. There's also the oddly inspirational tone Elisa has taken of late which is making us all chuckle. I think some of this is due to Dora's "come on, you can do it!" attitude which Elisa has readily adopted. But today as I mopped up a spilled drink on the carpet, Elisa told me, "Mom, you can do anything." Now that's what I like to hear!

Making waves

On Thursday we ventured out to Emerald Isle with my mom and dad to soak up some sunshine and see the waves crash. It was a chilly day here with gusty winds but the views from the beach were well worth braving the weather. Elisa is a little obsessed with putting on her hat whenever it feels even moderately cool, so she had to get all fleeced up. But still I love this family photo. We don't have too many of these that I really treasure, but something about knowing we only have a few more months as a threesome makes me a bit wistful. Kind of like the drive to the hospital when I was in labor; it was the last time it would be just Nacho and I as a couple doing something. Funny how life gives you those moments to reflect and then, bam!, you are moving on to the more mundane tasks at hand trying to keep everyone clean and alive. Parenthood seems to be filled with that. Just when I look down at Elisa's curly little head and smile with a feeling that she is everything I ever hoped for in a daughter, she gets in a snit over her juice not being in the "right" cup or acts like I'm trying to mangle her hair with a comb and rubber band. And I'm instantly reminded why it's both a good and a bad thing that these years pass so quickly. And pass they do. While we are enjoying these next few months, I'm going to try to savor all the undivided attention I can muster for Elisa. We both deserve that.

Carolina blues

We woke up this morning in North Carolina after an uneventful flight down yesterday evening. I don't know if it's because she likes flying or because we've done it so much with her, but Elisa really knows the drill at this point which makes short hops a breeze. Before I had my coat off on the plane, she had grabbed the window seat, buckled herself in, and started to take the safety card out of the pocket to look for the baby floating in the water (my personal fave). At Grandma and Grandpa's house she was greeted by a big girl bed--in the form of an air mattress on the floor--which meant she has officially outgrown her pack-n-play adventures. Luckily, the Dora blanket, pillow and pajamas that accompanied it were exciting enough to get her jazzed about sleeping in there and within a few minutes she was down for the count. This morning we puttered around the house playing with every toy in sight before heading to Swansboro for lunch and a bit of a stroll by the water.

This is an area we've come to visit countless times over the years but on a nice sunny day, it feels so welcoming. Like we are embracing spring a few weeks early. Who doesn't want that after a long snowy winter? Elisa ran and ran and ran some more, all over the docks and up and down the sidewalks before settling into lunch at Yana's. A few ice cream floats, burgers and fries later and we were back in the car headed home to nap. And boy did that feel good. The rest of the week should be warmer than New York, so we're hoping to get out and enjoy a little walk on the beach maybe and a few laps around the driveway on her scooter. It's been five months since we've been back to North Carolina after Hurricane Earl interrupted our beach week with Mercedes and Diego last September, and this is our first visit since Stacey and the family moved. Things feel different and yet the same which is exactly how it should be, I suppose. Elisa has asked a few times about Mia and Jordan and when I explained that they are far, far away she kind of squints a look of confusion. Hard to explain, but I know she is missing them too. We all are.