Friday, September 30, 2011

One last dip...

With the weather in NYC taking a muggy turn last week, we decided why not make a trip south and enjoy some real summertime fun? The end of September/early October is typically some of the best beach time in coastal Carolina and it's our favorite time to sneak away if we can. Nacho had a few days off and Elisa's school was closed Thursday so we ventured out on Wednesday night to catch a late flight to North Carolina. But with the rain hitting the city as we left, it turned into a much later night than planned. Not exactly a fun first flight with Carolina, but both of our girls did great. Elisa rocked the iPad like a 12 year old finding her own shows and games, and Carolina happily dozed and ate. It was so easy that I almost thought I could have done it on my own. Almost. Making it into my parents' house at nearly 1:30 a.m. though, I was dead tired and really needed a good night's sleep. Luckily Elisa went straight down and Carolina ate and did too. Then 6 straight hours later I woke up to a hungry girl who couldn't have slept better in the bassinet. I was so relieved and well rested we even made it to the beach our first day!
It was great to be out and about doing things with the two of them like we had gotten used to doing with just Elisa. Something about the normalcy of our trip here and getting to squeeze in some last bit of beach fun makes it feel like life is on the right track. It's not been totally derailed. And that is tiding me over when I feel like my boobs are on a timer, or I can't do anything on my own. It's nice to do something that we can all participate in and enjoy and this beach day was certainly a hit. Elisa loved the water and Carolina was so patient and quiet just hanging out in her car seat. I even managed to get a little dip in the ocean before coming back to feed her. It was great. Buying some amazing peaches from a roadside stand and stopping for Dairy Queen treats was the perfect finish to our day out and about. It felt like the best parts of summer were still waiting for us, and I'm so glad we made it!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Making time

How could I not love this photo? Walking in on Papa and Elisa playing in her room the other morning, I found them all cuddled up in her big girl bed. I have been there myself a few times recently and it always amuses me how much she enjoys that little bit of alone time with me. We play with dolls or stuffed animals or she just tells me to shut my eyes and then wakes me up. It's the kind of time that I feel like I record in my mind so I'll remember exactly how she was at this age. You can't get enough of it. Of course, Elisa loves when either of us joins her in her pretend sleep, but I think this morning in particular, Papa was trying to squeeze in a few more minutes of actual sleep. He looks a little too cozy, right?
I think we both are finding life with two kiddos is not the same daunting transition that it was from 0 to 1. Maybe we just hit rock bottom with the colicky first one so anything had to be better. And the 5 and 6 hour stretches of sleep we're getting a night aren't hurting either. Oops, did I just admit that? [I hope Carolina's not reading this. Keep it up, babe!] But it's also true that life with Elisa can be a handful at times. For as much fun as we have with her, she also demands so much more than a newborn. So much attention. So much "Look at me, mom! Look at me dance!" It's a lot to keep up at the same time as we're trying to enjoy this special time with Carolina. But I think even a few minutes a day of alone time with Elisa is helpful to keep some semblance of balance. She clearly thrives on it and it's a good reminder for me that she will always be my little girl. And if there's a little shuteye involved, then all the better.

Friday, September 23, 2011

I'm in love

I'm not one to swoon over newborns--even my own--but these photos might have changed all that. My friend and fellow Sunnymom Amy Cannon came over last week to capture Carolina's early days for me and to try out her poses and props on a newborn. In her non-mom world she's a dancer/choreographer and budding photographer who uses her wonderfully playful spirit and great rapport with kids to get the best results. I didn't do anything like this when Elisa was little and in truth, I probably wouldn't have thought of it this time if it weren't for Amy's model search. But seeing Amy in action was so much fun and even though Carolina wasn't drowsy at all, she made the most of it and got some great shots. I think I'm in love...

All photos courtesy of Amy Cannon Photography

And after playing around for an hour or so with Carolina, of course Elisa had to work her way in front of the camera. Elisa was still dressed in her pjs and had total bed hair, but Amy worked her magic and soon there was a princess dancing before us smiling broadly for her photo shoot. And as Amy packed up her gear, Elisa asked her to stay and dance some more. "But I miss her" was the reply when I said Amy had to leave soon. Proof positive that this girl had a good time. I know we take a billion photos of our girls already, but seeing them through another photographer's eyes is always amazing to me. There's something in that smile or gazing stare that conveys a sense of what each one offers as a person. Carolina has a quiet charm, and well, Elisa is all kinds of sassy fun. And Amy has such a unique way of finishing the shots that they really become little works of art. I love that. It reminds me that this moment in our lives is really just a snapshot and before I know it, we'll be sending these girls off to college and beyond. But for now I have these dreamy photos to remind me of how lucky I am as a mom. My two girls smiling back at me. What a sight.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

A new adventure

It's taken me the better part of the summer, but I finally decided on a new name for the blog. Ta-da! Did you notice? It's been on my brain lately to update it and include our newest addition in this adventure of blogging, so I figured it was only right to give her some top billing. I mean, she is the baby of the family. Can't neglect her. And I have my friend Jenny to thank for the title suggestion. She sent me a wonderful list of possibilities and this one kind of matched up with another idea I had. So Big E and Little C, it is. I think the fact that I've made it three years into this blogging escapade means I won't slow down now. It's such an outlet for me in this stay-at-home-every-day's-the-same life. When I look back, I realize that actually no two days are the same. It just feels that way sometimes. But life is always moving forward. I have a 7 week old already! And my big girl is growing and changing every week too now that she's in school and discovering more of the world without me in it. It's all so exciting. And unlike the dreary, confusing post-partum world I found myself in with Elisa's birth, this time around I'm embracing all the change and upheaval. It's only temporary. Life is temporary. But we're hanging in there and managing to enjoy where we're at. With Elisa I said "Life will never be the same." That still rings true. But now I'm looking forward to seeing these sisters grow up in the big, bad city we call home. A new name. A new start. Still an adventure...

Monday, September 19, 2011

More fun at the fair...

Last September marked the beginning of one of the funnest phases of our life so far with Elisa. I remember thinking that things were getting easier and I was really starting to enjoy her. Like most of the time. In public. You know, the kind of fun you always hoped you'd have with your kid. And one of the times I remember first feeling that way was at a local fair at the Queens County Farm. It was late September and so there was a kind of Oktoberfest vibe to the whole proceedings, mixed with a good dose of food and beer and yes, petting zoo. It was a great family outing and Elisa really amused herself and us with her silly dancing and general good mood. Flash forward to this year's festivities and we have a mixed bag of enjoyment. First of all, the venue was not set up as well with a much smaller area for the animals and petting zoo that we really came to see. Then the Oktoberfest themed pavilion featured a shrill cover band pumping the music a little too loud, instead of last year's polka band which I personally found kitschy cool. It's not fair to make comparisons, but I really was expecting to enjoy it more this year. I figured with another year under her belt, Elisa would behave even better, but in reality I think we broke even. On the one hand, the day started out great with Elisa's first pony ride, meeting up with friends and watching Irish dancing, funnel cakes (yes, this counts as a highlight), and Elisa's first ever amusement park ride which I was somewhat reluctant about but she absolutely LOVED it. From the photos, it looks like a banner day...


But there were also the tantrums, Elisa's almost escape from me into a very large crowd, her whining and pleading for more, more, more of everything, and a very tired Mama and Papa at the end of the day. It was--in a word--exhausting. Why so different this year? I mean, we had Carolina along for the ride, but really that shouldn't have made it so energy-zapping. Part of it was that we really tried to do it all and to some degree we were more successful seeing things. Last year Elisa was too young for the amusement section so we skipped that all together and headed home. But not so much this year. She definitely wanted to ride the rides and try to win prizes at the games. We attempted both to some degree and I owe it to Nacho who kept her somewhat appeased throughout. But it was clearly draining and the kickingfest that ensued on the way out of there was annoying after all the good times. What is it about three year olds that they can't appreciate a good time? They always want MORE. And NOW. It's just part of the tyrannical threes, I guess, but it feels more demoralizing at times because they are older and wiser and should just know better, right? Ha ha ha...yes, I can hear the laughter. And part of me knows that this time is about her testing boundaries in new and exciting ways. It's just that when you spend so much time (and money) doing things that are supposed to be fun, you kind of expect to be thanked. Or at least not kicked and punched all the way to the car. Hmmmm...maybe next year?

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Adios!

Today Abuela leaves after spending 7 weeks with us. With such a long journey to get here and back, it's been wonderful to have her stay for so long and help us out with the transition to a four person household. Her cooking and cleaning have kept us afloat when I would have been hard pressed to even dial delivery. It's been better than a freezer full of meals because she's also been an extra pair of hands to help burp Carolina or cajole Elisa onto the potty. And as anyone with a kid and a baby will say, you can never have enough hands on deck. Even when I could have done it all myself, it's been so much nicer not having to. And though you can never really make up for frequency of visits, at least with this long stay, Abuela has been able to see her granddaughters in their own environment with their own friends and routines. Elisa's Spanish is coming along after weeks of shy resistance and now she loves saying "Buenas noches" with a sweet smirk each night before bedtime. It's also true that this time around Elisa has had more frustration making herself understood to Abuela. Part of her maturing and communicating better in English means that she wants everyone to understand her and be able to respond in a way she understands. She's still too young to quite grasp that Abuela doesn't speak English and that she will have to speak Spanish to her to be understood. With Papa she can get away with her English-only replies but no so much with Abuela. And at times that has been challenging. But I have no doubt that Elisa's comprehension of Spanish is excellent and she will soon make more strides in speaking it. It's a progression and I think she's doing great, but still there is a long way to go. Hopefully she will be the one to help Carolina learn too and then there will be no stopping the Tortajada girls. Summer vacations and holiday visits to Spain will also aid the process, so let's see if we can't get over there soon. Because this is not good bye as much as it is see you later. Hasta pronto!

Sunday, September 11, 2011

A room with a view


September 11, 2011. Ten years later and this is the view from my daughters' bedroom window. I feel both lucky and sad to live so close. Lucky that I live in such a special place with my lovely family and people I truly enjoy as neighbors. But also sad that this city is forever changed by something so incredibly horrific and yes, evil. I don't dwell on that day at all. In fact, living in New York City for over 6 years now, it's kind of amazing how little I think about that particular day. I was visiting Washington, D.C. that week and had just made it to the Capitol for congressional staff training that bright Tuesday morning when the world changed. By the time we fled the building amidst total chaos and panic, the towers were burning and we were completely bewildered that there could be more planes headed our way. The Pentagon was on fire and in the distance we could see the smoke. It was then that I knew this was more than a fluke. It was the beginning of a war we'd still be fighting a decade later. We marched across the city to get back to our hotel and listened intently to car radios the whole way back. Traffic was at a standstill on almost every street, but people opened up their cars to take stranded commuters. There was a palpable sense of unity that I have never again felt. We walked and walked for hours to get back. At a corner store, I heard a man say the towers had fallen. But how could that be? This news just felt wrong and made me almost physically ill. I needed proof but we wouldn't have it for a while longer.

The towers had come down before I ever turned on a TV. I remember trying to visualize the destruction I kept hearing about and yet there was no way I could. Making it to my room again mid-day, I tried to phone Nacho who was living in Spain at the time and was so relieved when my phone card went through. Hearing his voice was such consolation on that miserable day. Later, a group of us holed up in one room watching footage over and over again, knowing already that the missing would become casualties in a matter of hours. None of us wanted to be alone. Later that night we ventured out by cab to the apartment of another staffer to watch the President speak. This was a man I strongly disliked, but that night, I listened to him with an open heart. I remember thinking he looked scared. Did that make him more human? Maybe so. On the way home, we could hear fighter jets overhead and I thought that perhaps there would be another day of burning buildings and people scrambling for cover. There was an eery tension in that stillness. I just wanted to get out of there. I was lucky enough to get a rental car and make it to North Carolina the following day. It was such a relief to be with my family again.

A lot has happened in the ten years since that day. I followed my heart to Spain, came back again, got married, lived in Philadelphia, moved to New York, worked a lot and traveled the world, had a baby, lost my job, found some balance, had another baby. It's been ten years of life moving on, of kids being born and growing up, of wars and people living one day at a time. And in all of this, it's easy to forget what we lost on 9/11. As clumsy as it sounds to say, there was an innocence and an optimism that my generation forfeited that day. I don't think that can be overestimated. Seeing these lights tonight from my own window, I realize there's part of me that will truly never forget how it felt to live that day. Whether it's this anniversary or the next, I have an obligation to remember. I want to remember. And although I don't know what I will tell Elisa and Carolina about it, I know that when the time comes, I will find the right words. Sometimes bad things happen even when you are good. Sometimes people do the wrong thing and they hurt you. They even hurt themselves. It's so simple and yet it still doesn't make sense. I would like to think that they will visit the World Trade Center some day soon and come home with a sense of how beautiful this city is and how great it is to live in a place where people get along. As those of us who love this place know, it can be the most welcoming city on earth. That hasn't changed and I hope it never does.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

September starts...

I promised at least one pic of myself with Carolina this week. I didn't get around to having my sister do a full-on photoshoot, but we managed a sly snap anyway. Does this count??
Technically, that's two pics if you count that she was on me in the Baby Bjorn. We decided that with Stacey visiting and such great weather to start the month off, we had to venture into Manhattan with the whole family. So there we were in Central Park shuffling over hill and dale with Carolina fast asleep in the carrier and Elisa traveling in style in her usual Maclaren. I have to say it worked pretty well. Carolina is still light as a feather and so my shoulders and back took the burden without any pains. And I forgot how comfy and downright peaceful it is to hold a baby that way. It's like they can't resist the power of the Bjorn...she was out after just a couple of minutes and didn't rouse until we made it to Shake Shack (what is it about that girl and food that makes her wake up?). The stone slide at the park was a big hit with both Mia and Elisa, and we even managed to get Aunt Stacey on it once.
Of course, all good things have to come to an end eventually (case in point: see Elisa's pouting below when she had to leave the playground). Stacey and Mia leave tomorrow and we know that it will be a while before we see them again. California to New York is no small journey which is why we are very happy they made the trip out here to meet Carolina and visit us for the long weekend. I know Elisa enjoyed every minute of their time with us and she made sure to bug her cousin constantly to help her and play with her and generally entertain her.

But no matter what, it's never enough time. Even if we did this once a month, I would want more. It's just that sharing your family with people who love you as much as you love them is kind of intoxicating. You want to be around them more often to share more fun, more drama, more of the zaniness of a three year old and the cuddles of a sweet newborn. I remember with Elisa that it never occurred to me how much having a child would change my relationships within my family. I wanted to see them enjoy her the way I did and I longed to be closer to them. Then over the years, life moved on and we got more and more established in our routines and our community here at home. But now having Carolina means a renewed sense of that broader family connection. We welcome the chance to see them and I know we'll be making a trip to California again as soon as this little girl is airworthy. Hopefully before year's end!