Red Hookin' it

I love a good brunch, but mostly, I love the concept of leisurely dining in the middle of any day. Why do we have to wait for the weekend to call it brunch and invite friends? So unfair.  Well, this weekend, I thought why not get our brunch on in Red Hook, Brooklyn, and invite our friend and neighbor Dan Riley (aka "Mr. Dan" to Elisa).  So we jumped in the car, picked him up along the way and off we went to Hope & Anchor on Van Brunt Street just blocks away from my other favorite haunt IKEA.  But no, today was not for shopping--just eating--and that we did. And it was good. 

When I first tried this place after a successful IKEA trip with some mama friends, I knew right away it was up Nacho's alley. It's got a faint hipster vibe, with a solid sweet and savory menu (very important for me at brunch is that they serve breakfast ALL. THE. TIME).  In fact, it's probably the closest thing to a Chicago brunch I've found in New York City. And that's saying something. Chicago has the best brunch spots and I would only move there if Nacho promised to take me to brunch every single weekend. Twice. So anyway, afterwards, we literally stepped out the restaurant doors and onto the playground just opposite. Elisa was in heaven and it was the perfect weather to sit and let our big meals digest. Carolina got to crawl around on the artificial turf and we made some idle chatter with other parents nearby. It was a good day. 

And then we drove home up the BQE and I got to see one of my favorite views of the city. And this is where I'm reminded that no, I don't live in Chicago. Because as good as today's brunch was (and it was delicious), it was still no Chicago brunch. But then this jaunt home was no Lakeshore Drive either. It was much, much prettier.  The skyline of lower Manhattan, the Brooklyn Bridge, passing under the Brooklyn Heights Promenade.  Breathtaking really.  As Elisa said as we left Red Hook and started home, "Mom, Brooklyn's different." Yes, indeed.

Living history

As a child, my memories of the space shuttle program are not exactly pleasant. I remember the day so vividly that the Challenger blew up.  It was a blustery January day in North Carolina where we lived at the time and my sister and I were home from school because of the mere threat of snow. We decided to put on our dance clothes (I'm sure leg warmers were required) and crank up the music and jump around our living room. It was then with the TV on but the sound turned way down that we saw a Breaking News report flashing across the screen.  What had been promoted as a day to remember the first teacher going into space was now a day for mourning.  It wasn't exactly the Kennedy Assassination in magnitude, but for years I would remember that moment in time and the gut wrenching footage of the booster rockets all ablaze and knowing something had gone terribly wrong.  Fast forward to now and it's not exactly as if Elisa has any real idea of the space program or what if anything a shuttle does. But when we heard the Shuttle Enterprise would be doing a fly over of New York City on its way to JFK airport, we wondered if we might catch a glimpse. Apparently the shuttle will be housed at the Intrepid Sea, Air and Space Museum along the west side of Manhattan until they find it a permanent home. So today was the big arrival in our area and around 10:30 a.m. we decided to camp out and get the camera ready. Of course, Nacho is a bit of an aviation geek, so I think he was secretly excited to watch it fly by too...

The view from Elisa's window of the Manhattan skyline

Papa and Elisa get up close and ready for the fly by

With wind gusts up to 40 mph it wasn't exactly a smooth day for flying, but the skies were blue

Our first sighting of the shuttle on it's way up the Hudson on the west side of Manhattan

Getting a pass over the World Trade Center site and flying by the Freedom Tower

Climbing up and heading towards the end of the isle

Our last view of the Shuttle Enterprise as it headed towards JFK

Not a major life changing moment, but it was fun to capture it nonetheless. And Elisa thought it was pretty cool to see two planes on top of each other.  Hopefully someday she will recall this as her first memory of our nation's space endeavors followed by watching many more amazing trips through our universe.  A girl can dream. 

Me time

Today I had a doctor's appointment in the city at noon. It's the kind of thing I would normally rush to and from without so much as a stray thought about all the things and places I could visit in between.  So much of my love affair with this city was established in the early years of our living here--the daily commute taking me into Manhattan that ensured I passed all kinds of people and stores, and the way our weekend jaunts would walk us through new neighborhoods bursting with restaurants and lively parks and greenery. It's a beautiful place when you give yourself time to wander and take it all in. And I've been sorely missing that.  Part of me has that mother's brain that never really shuts off when I'm away from the kids. I have their time table running in the back of my head and I wonder if they are doing okay, fighting things or if they need anything I'm not there to give. It's completely illogical since I know Nacho is just as capable a parent and he has found his own rhythms and routines that work just as well.  But still, it's there--hardwired in me--and I have to consciously suppress it most of the time when I'm away from home or the girls.  

For the year that I worked after having Elisa, it was a force I struggled with and I admit got the better of me quite often.  I couldn't be two places at once, and it caused me to be scattered and distracted at the office and often nervous and hurried at home.  I felt like I couldn't win no matter where I was.  Then I got let go.  And despite the devastation of losing my professional identity and work friends, it was suddenly okay to just be in one place. I was home. I was a mom.  There was a sense of harmony about life, and I could focus on just being good at being Elisa's mom.  My fractured existence had become whole again because I didn't need to balance anything--how easy, I thought! But of course, there were drawbacks.  I wouldn't enjoy time away from her or even time to myself most days.  And then just when I was getting some space to breathe and relax a little, we had another kid.  The demands of a newborn took precedent and I surrendered to it with more grace this time.  I knew the intensity would wane over time and I would start to feel like I had a piece of myself back from the brink.  As a family, we are officially done adding to the brood which is a relief but also bittersweet.  We had been planning for this life for years and we were so lucky that it all worked out. We are incredibly fortunate to have these two healthy happy girls, and we know it.

And so now, nearly 3 1/2 years into this experiment of motherhood, I'm starting to dabble in the idea of just being me again. Just me. Not somebody's mom, not someone's employee. Not anyone, but the person I want to be.  It's at once scary and liberating because I really don't know what's next. Where am I going and what personal development or goals do I have?  And yes, I realize the concept is nothing new. I suppose it's part of the transformation of motherhood that we delve deep into our new identities only to eventually find a way back to ourselves. For the uninitiated this may sound dramatic or even bizarre, but I think most of the mothers I know have had this dilemma play a part in their lives. And some are much more graceful at bouncing back and finding a way to express themselves and carry on with all parts of their life. 

But for me, it's been a struggle. And as much as I've embraced my role as a work-at-home mom, I know it's the best and worst job I'll ever have.  It demands so much and there is no break. At times I've joked that prison would be a more humane place to live--I could really go for some solitary confinement and a good book. No people? No problem!  But in truth, what I need are more chances to just indulge myself and think of no one else. So today I did just that. I walked and window shopped. I tried on jeans and new lipstick.  I studied people and the small moments we so often overlook in this rushing city.  I gave way to the tourists who didn't know which way they were going, and I held doors open for people who expected them to slam in their face.  I even stopped by a friend's office and chatted with her for a little while, reconnecting in such a fun new way. Then I grabbed lunch and started working my way home. And all the while, I listened to music--my music--and sang to myself and just felt alive.  And what I think I realized is that this kind of thing shouldn't be so hard to do every once in a while.  I need it to help me redefine who I am and what I want to do with the next phase of my life. Because becoming a mother and being a mother have been great. But there is still more. I know that and I'm excited for the rest.  

Park lunch

Leave it to Elisa The Contrarian to switch up our lunch plans this week. After weeks of hitting Sunnyside Gardens for our mid-day pickup and park lunch routine, Elisa suddenly protested that she didn't want to go there. She wanted the "small park" (aka Lou Lodati Playground) closer to our apartment.  After school, weekends and in the summertime, this park is a no-go with its hordes of wild young things.  I once even heard a friend refer to it as "Attica" as in the prison that rioted in upstate New York--a somewhat fitting description.  But during the week around noon it's not too bad.  Of course normally, I'd tell her to stuff it while I made plans to meet up with friends at our park.  But since it's been a little quiet there lately, I thought okay, why not just hang out closer to home and let Elisa feel a minor victory.  Besides, it gives her the same chance to run around a bit, and I can feed Carolina while we enjoy some fresh air.

And today with the sun shining brightly and the cold air beginning to ease up, it was a perfect place to let them both enjoy some time climbing around. Carolina wants so badly to imitate her sister in everything that I think she was especially tickled to sit on the playground equipment with Elisa for a few minutes. After yesterday's tumble off Elisa's bed though, I didn't want to go too far from where I could reach her.  Now that she's mobile, it's a whole new game and I'm having to remember that every time I turn to do something. These are the months of constant watching and hoping that she doesn't ingest something she shouldn't or pull up on something that could fall on top of her.  This second time around I'm realizing it's nearly impossible to babyproof a home with an older child in it. The best you can do is try to sweep things clear each day and monitor what they are playing with. And if Elisa's smirk after she watched her sister do a face plant was any indication, I'm not sure I'll get much warning when Carolina eats from the floor or lunges for things she shouldn't.  Sisterly schadenfreude?  Is that the best way to describe it?  Well, at least at the park they have their own orbits to play in and I think that's helpful for now. After just an hour or so, we packed it in with no complaints from Elisa.

We're back to napping most days and I think she still needs it.  We can go without but then like the other night, she's completely fried at 7 p.m.  Which won't be a bad thing when we finally bite the bullet and move these girls into the same room with synchronized bedtimes. Ah yes, another topic for another day. I'm just biding my time and hoping that Carolina's recent spate of early morning wake ups and crying jags are teething related and will be smoothed out soon. I realized yesterday that I've been getting myself too worked up over her sleep training or lack of. She's actually doing pretty well for an almost 9 month old, and she won't be popping awake at 4:30 a.m. forever.  It's just getting her back down has been tough this last week and I'm confused as to whether I'm reinforcing it with the diaper change and little bit of milk I've given her at the break of dawn. I guess time will tell. It's so hard to see the progress of life and especially of parenthood when you are too deep in the day to day. I forget that sometimes. But last Sunday I had a sort of blah day and when I rallied myself from the doldrums, I realized how far we've come since August. And how much easier things will be when the girls are more in sync physically.  Right now is the biggest disparity and considering that, I think we're handling it quite well.  And a day in the sunshine watching Elisa pump the swing all by herself while I push Carolina further down the row makes it all worthwhile.  Someday soon they'll be swinging side by side.  And I'll be reading a book. 

Brooklyn Bridge Baby

I love it when a day comes together with almost no planning. Seriously. I was already back from my workout this morning when I thought, crap, we have to do something else besides the park today. Nacho has had a string of days off this week and up til now, I've been doing errands or hanging out with friends nearby. It's been a chill week but I was ready to do something new. And then the thought of water and maybe strolling around the Brooklyn Bridge came into my mind.  Last summer we went down to the docks on the south side of the bridge for a brief bit late in the day and while it was fun enough, I kept feeling like we'd missed seeing something. So this time, I thought why not head to the other side of the bridge where I know there was some open green space. With a little picnic lunch and the usual list of go-to items (sippy full of juice, two water bottles, diaper bag, large blanket, camera bag, toys for Elisa, chew things for Carolina), we were off. And boy, was I happy to see this kickass playground when we pulled up to the bridge.

It was called the Main Street Playground for its location at, you guessed it, the end of Main Street in DUMBO. Now naturally, Nacho and I had a little disagreement about where exactly we were heading today and I repeatedly said, no we're going to Brooklyn Bridge Park, not DUMBO. But I was wrong. There, I said it. In fact, according to the signage at the park, we were both right. [And isn't that more important?]  But anyway, the playground was the perfect start to our visit since Elisa was thrilled to have a new place to roam.  As Nacho went to park the car, Carolina and I settled in to a bench and Elisa took off.  It was so nice and relaxing to sit and take in the views while Elisa kept herself occupied and Carolina happily munched on some puffs for the first time.  And if yesterday was any indication, the kid is a natural with finger foods.  She was pinching and putting them straight in her mouth from the get-go. Much better than Elisa's first forays into pushing food all around her tray. No, this little girl wasn't messing around.  By the time we were ready to head over to the grass, it was almost time for Carolina's normal nap time, but she was raring to get down and play.  Keeping her occupied wasn't a problem and we all took turns exploring the rocky waterfront while Carolina tore up the grass. 

And what a lovely day for a picnic and great scenery. Carolina was so happy that she decided to start crawling. Yes, it's true. Up til now, she's been soooooooo close. But today she took off in earnest and she was thrilled to be so near grass that she could just lie down and start shoving pinches of dirty green stuff into her mouth. Ugh, here we go. I think the crawling phase is my least favorite. You have to watch them all the time. Even tonight after we got home, I turned around and she had made it over to Elisa's dinner plate on the living room floor and was shoving a wad of pork chop in her mouth. Oh, Carolina. I think we're going to have to get a bell to tie on her so we can hear her sneaking around. She's like the Siddler in that Seinfeld episode.  That or tic tacs, but those would be too much of a choking hazard. So yeah, it was a pretty good day for pulling this idea out of my ass at the last minute. I try not to feel pressured to maximize Nacho's time off and always accommodate the ticking time bomb of Carolina's naps. But somehow, I still do. So I like it when we do finally get wherever we're going and it feels like we have all the time in the world. Carolina was tired but not grumpy and Elisa ran and ate and ran some more. It was a good mix of outdoor time, playground fun, and city views and good eats.  I think we all enjoyed it. 

And to cap it off an otherwise terrific day, we grabbed some ice cream at the Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory and watched the boats racing up and down the East River.  I couldn't believe how long the line was and it wasn't even a hot sunny day.  But nevermind. The ice cream was the perfect creamy treat for all of us. Elisa had behaved better than expected, and I was pleased that we'd lasted this long.  The clouds rolled in just as we were starting to pack it in, but the breeze was still light and the temps divine. By mid-summer this place will be a crush of people and I'll despise even the idea of lounging with so many others on the green grass. So today, in late April, I'll take the surprise trip and savor the respite it gave us all. Now tomorrow, back to our park? Hmmmm. We'll see.