Hunger Strike

I would start with a countdown except that I have NO idea what day we're on in this current hunger strike. Elisa seemed to eat a bit better when we first got to North Carolina, but over the week, it all slowed down. At first, I thought maybe she was constipated and then a bit under the weather. But still, when she won't even eat fruit, I know we have a problem. Except that I keep hearing and reading that it's just MY problem. That in reality, she will eat when she's hungry and right now, she doesn't have an appetite. I try offering more and different foods, taking the untouched portions and saving them for another audition on her plate. But apparently, she's on to me because she looks at leftovers with a kind of icy disdain I would usually reserve for Fancy Feast. It ain't pretty.

So just to recap, today Elisa ate the following:

- one bite of Eggo waffle

- two ginger snap cookies

- one bite of banana

- one complete cheese stick (hallelujah!)

- 8 or 9 green beans

- 1/4 of a piece of bacon

- 2 dried apricots

- 1 date

- 10 or so veggie sticks (puffed chips)

Seriously. That's it. Apart from her bottles and a couple ounces of diluted apple juice, this girl has turned her nose up at more food than I care to recall. I guess it's just difficult to remember that food is not the only nurturing I give her. Perhaps my food=love equation could be the beginning of years of therapy for her, but I really have a hard time not feeling hurt when she won't eat. It's as if I am doing something for her and there is such a sense of rejection on top of her pile of scraps. It's stupid but deeply rooted in my maternal instincts to provide sustenance. Beyond that, I'm also worried about her health and her weight and whether she is getting enough nutrients out of the few things she does eat. It's a weirdly stressful situation. So I have to tell myself that it's a phase, and she won't wither away. And in the meantime, try to fix food with no expectations. Is that possible? I'll keep trying anyway.

Homecoming

We made it back to New York last night in the cold unwelcoming rain. It felt like we'd gone back in time with the wintery temperature and heat pumping out of the radiators. What happened to spring and all that sunshine we had last week? Maybe that's why Elisa had a fitful night, waking several times and taking a bottle around 4 a.m. I knew she hadn't eaten much on the way home, so I figured part of her waking was hunger, and luckily, she stayed down after that early morning snack until almost 9 a.m. That's a good two hours more than her "normal" schedule so I was able to wake up and have breakfast and read some news before she made a peep. That was a nice way to jump back into our routine. Before we get too far into the week, I wanted to post a few more pics from our week with the family. We miss them already.

Mia, Elisa and Grandma enjoying some delicious fried seafood at Jordan's in Emerald Isle, NC.
Elisa and I having a good time running around the yard and collecting wildflowers.
Elisa showing Grandpa how to throw a frisbee.
Catching bubbles in the yard--a new favorite pastime.

Last night in NC

Last night we celebrated Dad's birthday with dinner at Las Fincas in Swansboro and a chocolate cream pie and presents at home. We spent the afternoon shopping up on base so of course Elisa was well worn out by the time we pulled into the restaurant. She actually fell asleep in the car just as we were hitting town. I opted to stay put for a half hour and let her doze in the hopes it would make the evening go that much smoother. Unfortunately, it didn't make her any better at the table, where she wanted only to play with the straw in my margarita and attempt to throw herself from the highchair. That's the problem with eating out these days--sometimes she is an avid eater content to watch others and sit nicely, but more often, she is tired, bored and wants only to get down. Thankfully the food was great and we all snarfed it down fast enough that the tyrant didn't have long to wait. Back home to run around and play with her cousin Mia for one last evening.

Stace, Mia and Jordan enjoy some family time on the couch.
Helping Grandpa blow out his 62 candles (okay, just six and two in reality).
Mom cleaning off the whipped cream-laced candles one at a time...

We're packing up today and planning to catch the 7pm flight back to New York City. It's been raining steadily throughout the morning, so I'm wondering how delayed things will be tonight. If we get two good naps in before we leave this afternoon, it might not matter. But of course, there is no way to predict. Seeing Elisa hug and squeeze and generally assault her "Mimi" this morning as she tried to move her from bed was worth every bit of the hassle of traveling here. I think with each visit, Elisa recognizes family more and develops new ways to communicate with them. Even her bedtime ritual of kissing everyone and waving has become a weeklong routine that hopefully we can look forward to the next time we're here. Saying goodbye isn't easy, but with the warmer weather just around the corner, I hope we'll be back soon. I'm sure Elisa does too.

Beach Day

Yesterday was a mild 75 degrees so we had to get back to the beach. This time we headed to Emerald Isle, NC where we got married nearly 7 years ago and where we like to rent a beach house in the late summer. There weren't too many folks out enjoying the weekday tide, so we walked up a bit and let Elisa dip her toes in the cold water. She loved it. Can't wait til it's really warm and the water feels as good as it looks. Ah, yes, bring on the summer...

Sweet Sixteen

Yesterday was my nephew Jordan's 16th birthday. I remember being a freshman in my second semester of college when I got the call that he was born. At that time, I had no idea and really no interest in hearing about pregnancy or newborns. It was as if this happened magically, without the months of changes and instant transformation to motherhood that my sister went through. I didn't get to see him until college was out in May and even then, it was a brief introduction to the demands of a small baby. I was heading to Europe for the first time that summer and was completely self absorbed about the changes in my life: a first year of college over, a break-up, and a chance to go forth and see the world. I honestly don't remember much about my first impressions of Jordan except that he was so small and I could not feel any maternal inklings when I held him. I was much too scared of dropping him or otherwise mishandling his tiny, wobbling head and limbs.

By the time my niece Mia came along 7 years later, I was working for a U.S. Senator, dating a man I would go on to marry, and still, I remember only fleetingly what I thought about upon hearing the news. I was excited to have a girl enter the family and was looking forward to seeing Jordan act as a big brother. This kid who had endured 7 years of family gatherings as the only child, talking to me about religion and war, hurricanes and science. He was a thoughtful child who never ceased to amaze me with his observations on life. Watching him develop over these last 9 years has continued to astound me--he's taller than me now and his chill, teenage demeanor belies the chattering, frenetic boy I used to know.

In honor of his birthday this year, he got a haircut and then we went out to lunch and to the mall for a day of relaxation and shopping. Here are Mia and Elisa in their matching outfits bought during a bit of retail therapy last weekend.

Later that night, Nacho and Elisa kept the beat with a bit of a gigglefest while rocking out to some Yo Gabba Gabba tunes.
Stace and Mia making a perfect photo closeup.
The whole clan gathered around the mac to watch a video compilation I put together for Jordan's birthday. I know he was slightly mordified, but then that's what family is there for.
We love you, Jordo!

Completing the circle

Last night after bathtime, we let Elisa jump around on the bed naked for a few minutes like we do at home. Mom and I each had a hand and she jumped with wild abandon for about 5 minutes. Then suddenly, she stopped and started pointing at the bedroom door babbling on and on about something. Now while this sounds pretty vague, it was actually crystal clear. She wanted my dad to come and join in the fun. Since there were just the 4 of us at home last night, it was as if she knew someone was missing out on all this jumping excitement. So we called him into the room and she quickly dropped my hand in search of his. I love seeing how Elisa interacts with my family, but especially heartwarming is when she makes it known that she enjoys being with them. I hope we can spend many more evenings here and she can request as many jumps as necessary. It certainly wore her out before bedtime!

Like a champ

Funny how a change of scenery can do wonders for a girl's appetite. Since arriving at Grandma's house, Elisa has steadily eaten her way across new continents of food: black olives, bologna, chex cereal, turkey noodle soup, brownies...all tried with excitement and approved with requests for seconds and thirds and fourths. Sometimes the requests are granted; she downed almost a bowl full of sliced olives. But as in the case of the brownie, I told her to go ask Grandma for another one. When mom returned to the kitchen, Elisa scurried over and began a long, rambling speech which clearly ended with her pointing to the brownie pan. That's my girl.

Who can blame her for being such a chowhound here? Grandma's cooking is delicious and the highchair affords Elisa a wonderful view of the open kitchen and living room--not to mention the large picture window overlooking the deck. So, naturally she's been very content to sit and eat and enjoy her meals, especially dinnertime with the whole crew. We've pulled her up to the table and ditched the tray for a real "sit at the table" approach. And this social butterfly loves the attention. Mia and her traded bites last night, giggling and devouring each other with their eyes. If there was any doubt, Elisa has clearly found her role model in her cousin. Hopefully some day they will be the ones cooking up a storm for us as we relax around the table. I can dream, right?

It's working

What started last week as kind of a fluke has now taken hold as a new routine. One morning I put Elisa in her crib for nap time after a few minutes of rocking, and instead of averting my eyes and sneaking out of the room quietly, I looked straight at her and waved goodbye. I even blew her a kiss to seal the deal. She immediately responded with her own wave and stared at me until I closed the door. I could hear her in there playing and talking for a little while, but after about 10-15 minutes, I assume she fell asleep. She didn't do her normal quiet then cry for attention which usually prompts me to return after a few minutes of incessant sobbing. In fact, she stayed down for a little over 2 hours without a peep. Now naps are not always long sobfests, but this wave and goodbye felt almost too easy. Elisa still naps twice a day and will normally play a bit before falling asleep. But this method of acknowledging I am leaving her on her own was new. I have kept it up all week to astonishing success. Even after traveling to North Carolina, she has been MUCH easier to put down in Grandma and Grandpa's house. She doesn't cry and cry as if I am torturing her with isolation from her cousins and all the fun of this new place. Each time I've placed her in the crib, she's sat up and waved even at night in the dark. It's pretty cute and definitely a sign that she gets the separation is not forever--just a break to recharge her batteries. Knowing that she knows this and is becoming a willing participant is great comfort especially as I try to relax and enjoy some down time myself. So thanks, Elisa. I appreciate you more than you know.

Beachin' it

We had a great afternoon at the local beach yesterday. Here are a few pics of our running around. Elisa loved the water as much as last time and didn't flinch when the cold water rushed over her toes. It was a little breezy so the jacket stayed on, but the sunshine was warm and the sand felt great underneath. Considering it's still March, this is pretty early for such a nice day but we'll take it. And we're looking forward to many more trips this summer.

Headin' South

We made it in to Wilmington, NC last night around 7 p.m. after a smooth flight which Elisa tolerated quite well. Perhaps after the mad dash to LaGuardia where we checked in barely 30 minutes before the flight, Elisa picked up on my sense of relief. Traveling standby was always such a thrill pre-baby, but now it is usually more chaotic than comforting. Luckily I know my way around that airport pretty well and I navigated the security line (always shorter over at Shuttle), picked up a snack, hit the restroom and made it to the gate as boarding was just getting underway. Timing is everything. Without having to wait, we were on the plane just 25 minutes after pulling up at the curb and by the time we sunk into our seats, Elisa was all bright eyes and eager to have a look around. Part of why we were running so late getting to the airport was because she decided to take a second nap. Or I guess, I decided for her. Just three hours after waking from her morning nap, she was acting tired and cranky and so I gambled on putting her down even if for only 45 minutes. I had almost everything ready beforehand so that extra bit of time without her was a nice break, but I found myself not wanting to wake her. Just a few more minutes, I thought, which turned into 10 more, then 15 more and by the time I had attempted to raise her from the dead, she was having none of it. She simply rolled over and curled up again with the thumb firmly planted in her mouth. Finally, we were up and loaded in the car and Nacho found a new way to get to the airport (thanks, hon, for that last glorious scare!). But in the end, it all worked out, and we made it. And now we are excited to hit the beach nearby to soak up some of this gorgeous spring weather and maybe find some shells or sharks teeth. My kind of day. Pics to post soon!

Sunshine on my shoulders...

Yesterday afternoon was the kind of breezy, sunny spring day that makes you fall in love with the city all over again. There was a feeling of let's get outside NOW...and so we did. After a good nap in the a.m., Elisa and I met up with Jessie and her son Oliver and hit Central Park for a long walk and some quality time outside. Unfortunately, most of our favorite spots were still roped off for spring seeding and maintenance, but we did find a patch of sparse grass to take a breather.

Elisa enjoys a snack while we hang out on the grass.
Oliver pauses just long enough for Jessie to catch her breath.
A beautiful quilt made by Jessie's sister--love the colors!
Elisa looking all 35 inches of height in her spring gear.

We couldn't sit for too long with these fidgety kids, but that was okay. The afternoon in the park and jungle gym area was just a taste of the months to come and that was really my inspiration for going out in the first place. It feels like we have turned a corner and hopefully, the sunshine and warmer temps won't recede in favor of more winter. Well, with only a week and a half of March left, one can hope!

It's in the air

With the daylight savings move last weekend, we are all definitely feeling the difference. What used to be a 5:50 a.m. wakeup is now 6:50 a.m. (or even sometimes 7:15 a.m!) which just sounds so much nicer, and the air just feels warmer and each day this week lovelier. Yes, it's been that kind of week. So good in fact that today I am thinking we'll head into the city to Central Park to roll around in some actual grass in this nearly 70 degree weather. Today also marks Elisa's last music class of the winter semester and she had so much energy for it that I was happy to see her progress in just a couple of months. I think we're going to need to get some instruments and bang around on them each Thursday morning at home (plus hit the bakery around 10 a.m.) just to keep up with the groove. I decided against enrolling her in another music class for the spring semester since swim lessons will start in May and I plan to use the next few weeks to travel and just enjoy getting out in the sunshine a bit more (weather permitting of course).

In other news, we seem to be over the cold/teething nightmare of the past few weeks. Elisa's sleep schedule has returned to almost (dare I say) normal with just a bit earlier wake-up but much less fussing at night. She's been in bed by about 8 p.m. and staying down until nearly 7 a.m. which is really all I could ask for. And the naps have been much easier with her just waving goodbye to me as I exit the room and she plays and sleeps for close to 1 1/2 or 2 hours twice a day. Like I said, it's pretty awesome. And I'll take it. Of course, we're going to road test all that this weekend with our trip to North Carolina, but I'm confident that she's doing better and will hopefully give us a few more weeks of this springtime bliss. Maybe it's all the sunshine but I just feel happier and it seems to make the days go that much smoother. Looking forward to seeing her run with the cousins this week and maybe even hit the beach a time or two (just for walking around since it's still too cool). But for now, we need a good nap and then some park time to soak in the city before we go.

Wearing the green

Before the day finishes, we had to post some of Elisa's wearing of the green. She must have been in the St. Patrick's Day mood because she only wanted to eat kiwi for lunch. Go figure. Lately, many of our tried and true foods are getting thrown on the floor, smeared in her hair or otherwise destroyed with smashing fingers. To say it's frustrating is putting it mildly. I don't know why her eating habits annoy me some days or have the ability to set me off like my hair's on fire, but they do. I try to remember that this is all part of the game of toddlerhood. That what she likes today has little bearing on what she will eat tomorrow, but that's so counter intuitive it's just more reason to flip out. Since I am the sole person responsible for feeding her--I mean, let's face it, Nacho can prepare a meal, but he needs guidance and does not shop for her food--it falls to me to make sense of her daily dietary intake. And so I try, and try, and try to find things that are accessible and nutritious and appealing. And it ain't always easy.

Forget that I made a kid's pasta dish today that I saw Giada make on Everyday Italian. It was a simple baby farfalle with peas and cream cheese sauce. Delish. But did she even try it? NO. So I ate some with such gusto that I was sure she would take a bite. No deal. I don't know why I prolong the pain sometimes. So finally, I just switched tactics and offered the kiwi. Devoured. She was handing me the bowl back in a matter of minutes with a look that said, "Duh, mom." So, once again it's the ability to stay mentally flexible that matters most. And not obsess about what she's eating--even if that means kiwi for lunch. Hey, at least it was green.

Swing into Spring

Can you tell we were excited to get out of the house today?

Tiny bubbles

With the rainy weather we've been having lately, I'm running out of good ideas for killing time indoors. Elisa can only read so many books, toss around so many stuffed animals and dance so many times to her new Yo Gabba Gabba soundtrack. And as easy as it would be to leave the TV on all day, it just gets old. So today we broke out the bubbles I'd stashed a few weeks ago.

Here she is taking a dip. Her blowing skills haven't developed quite yet. She more often tries to lick the bubble wand. But at one point, she did manage to blow a couple of bubbles. Once.

Chasing the bubbles became the name of the game after a few minutes of me huffing and dipping, and puffing. I tried blowing them in her face a few times which she loved but it also tickled her silly. I think she really just wanted me to keep up the pace of bubbles everywhere.

Later when I tried to put the bubbles away, she came around the cornering whistling and puffing and making a fuss. I had to laugh at this never ending game of charades we play. It was a great reenactment of my expert bubble blowing, but unfortunately, the jig was up. That's part of what is so sweet about this new phase with her. We're definitely getting more of an idea of what Elisa wants, through her actions and sometimes words. And it's such a delight to see that and to communicate back that we understand her and we can *sometimes* oblige her requests. But when we can't, when it just isn't feasible for whatever reason, watch out. Because when Elisa realizes that we get it, but we just aren't going to do it, she has no trouble expressing her disappointment. And I have to admit that Nacho and I usually turn away to chuckle when the stomping and blubbering begins. But when she gets her way, whether it's bubbles or another rendition of her favorite song, she can light up those eyes with such amusement. It makes me melt.

Looking forward

This week we are finishing up our last music class on Thursday and after that, we'll be heading to North Carolina on Friday to visit my family for a while. The second half of March holds two special birthdays--my nephew Jordan and my dad--so this was a good time to plan a trip. I'm even thinking of packing some short sleeves for Elisa and a dress or two since it's been in the 70s there a few days. Hurray for spring! While my mind is on the weather and making sure I have birthday gifts covered, my niece Mia has been busy getting ready for our visit as well. Here is the note she left on the kitchen counter for all to see:

Make no mistake--this sucker is for Elisa. So hands off. Such a sweet gesture, and if Elisa could reciprocate by marking a toy, perhaps a Yo Gabba Gabba stuffed animal for her cousin, she would totally do it. I know she would. We look at photos of family every day (MULTIPLE times a day), and recently Elisa has even started mimicking her cousin's name. Not quite "Mimi" but we got a "Nini" and a "Migi" for sure this week. I am getting excited to see how the two interact this time around, since we had a great time at Christmas with Mia visiting us for a change and keeping Elisa occupied for hours on end. They are quite a dynamic duo.

Playing with the water and helping Elisa shovel sand during our beach week last fall.
Checking out photo albums with her cousin.
A quiet moment between two special girls.

Whether Elisa ends up having a sister or not, I know that for sure, she will always have her "big sister" in cousin Mia. They both have such a fun and playful spirit that it's great to watch how they are growing up together. Hopefully, this won't come back to kick me in the butt when Elisa wants to do everything her Mimi does (only much sooner in life). Of course, if I know Mia, she will be there to help guide her cousin and provide that much needed big sis perspective in life. Just like mine was.