Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Managing chaos

I suppose there is something about raising a child that knocks against our basic ideas of management. From the first days home with Elisa, I realized--albeit slowly--that what I wanted and what she wanted were not always harmonious. I wanted a shower and a hot meal; she wanted to be fed--and NOW. It got marginally better after the first six months when at least I could follow the rhythm of her day a bit better and predict those urgent times and manage my own time around them. By a year, I was an expert on her life and I could usually squeeze in a shower, lunch and a nap (for myself!) if I planned accordingly. I was getting pretty darn good at this stuff so naturally, there had to be a setback right? I mean, what is two if not a complete kick in the teeth? The real difference I've noticed in the past month or so is just the way Elisa can completely break down at the drop of a hat. Over nothing. As in, nuh-thing. What I used to worry about was time management--will she get her nap about the same time, will she stay down for long enough, will I be able to do my stuff during that time? But now, I have to say it's about managing her moods. Which means remaining flexible and yet firm, patient and yet quick to act. It's not easy, and unlike time management, it really doesn't matter how prepared I am. If Elisa is in a mood there isn't much more to do but keep her safe and let it pass. Her favorite thing lately is to flail on the ground with her hands clasped over her face. Usually she moans a bit during this and if we're really lucky there is a whole stream of fake tears and lots of grimacing. That it only happened once on the flight back from Spain was a victory in my book. Now if I could get her to stop screaming bloody murder during bath time I might feel like I'd accomplished something this month.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Good to be home...

We're home! And yes, the last two weeks in Spain were a blur. What with our time chillin' poolside in Encinar, our big dinner out at the Parador in Toledo, our child-free getaway to the beaches of Cadiz and then back to Madrid for a few nights before heading home...it was all a lot to do. But we had a great time doing all of it, and I'm looking back in amazement at what this little trip did for Elisa's bonding with family and with the language of her Papa. It feels like a completely different child we're bringing home. I know that sounds ridiculous, but really, she is talking so much more and all in Spanish and it's just awesome to see how pliable kids are at this age. She just rolled with it all, and even today on a very long flight, she was a trouper. She slept for about an hour and a half while I ate lunch and then watched some Yo Gabba Gabba on iTunes and then ran up and down the aisles for a while. It didn't go without a little fussing and seat kicking (and yes, there were two uppity American twentysomethings ahead of us scowling at the tantrums--oh, how I can't wait for YOU to have kids), but we made it. We're here and now we're going to rest. Tomorrow morning we have a plane to catch. This time to NC. Here we go again!!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Thoughts from the road...

We've been in Spain for almost a month now and the time has really flown by. Between tooling around with my nephew in Nerja and Barcelona, showing him a bit of Madrid and relaxing with the family around the pool in Encinar, the days have just been eaten up. Nacho arrived just over a week ago and that too has kept the wheels in motion. The constant in all of this is that traveling with a toddler takes a certain amount of planning and good timing. And though we aren't moving around the country much at all and we're fortunate to stay with family the whole time, it still means that I am a bit of a fish out of water when it comes to planning her meals, shopping for her and generally knowing what the family has in store for us day in and day out. Before Elisa, I didn't mind too much not knowing what was going to happen, but these days that can really throw a wrench in things. Case in point, today we came to Madrid and thought we had a crib all mapped out, but it failed to materialize for Elisa's nap. Anyone who knows her, knows that the girl doesn't just pass out, so it was only after a lengthy struggle that she settled down on the floor for long enough to call it a siesta. Not great, but better than nothing in a pinch.

And while I'm not one to plan too far ahead on any given day, it can definitely be a struggle to go with the flow when things start to feel too foreign. Because, let's face it, the way we parent in America--as varied as it can be--is still a long way from how others do it in Europe and beyond. And there's a generational gap here that reminds me more of how my grandparents probably raised kids. There's a certain hands off-ness that I can appreciate intellectually, but find it hard to live by. Letting Elisa go solo on a flight of stone steps treacherously steep? Naw. Letting Elisa saunter around the pool's edge without someone to hold her hand? Nope. Am I a helicopter mom afterall? Luckily, I have caught most of the oversize or inappropriate food samplings given to Elisa (whole almonds and peanuts, whole olives, large chewy pieces of dried chorizo). And Elisa has only fallen face first in the pool once and that was with me by her side (go figure). But somehow, I am beginning to feel the fatigue of being Elisa's safety net and interpreter. Maybe I just really miss all of our friends and my fellow moms back in NYC where I at least know what's for lunch? It feels somehow rude to moan about a vacation like this when I realize how very fortunate we are to be here and to be able to spend this amount of time with our relatives. But there is a kind of nostalgia for home and for the ways you know that always creeps in when you travel. I guess traveling with a child is really no different. So now I'm longing for those easy mornings at home, fixing eggs and biscuits, and hitting the park for a while just to see who shows up. Oh, September, how I can't wait to see you again...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Two today


This won´t be a long post but I couldn´t miss saying something after days and days without checking the internet. Elisa Leonor turns the big 2 today and we are enjoying the day with Nacho´s family outside Madrid. We´re enjoying some cooler, cloudier days than the first few weeks here so it somehow feels like a different season. Last night we celebrated cousin Diego´s 9th birthday and as I watched Elisa running around the grass chasing her cousins, I thought about her first visit to Spain last year. She was barely toddling around and wanted to scoot and rummage around on the floor everywhere we went. It was the worst of prewalking times because she wasn´t content anywhere it seemed and everything was a hazard. This year is soooo much better and yet we still have new obstacles like her curious propensity for slapping her little cousin Sara whenever she sees her approaching. Let´s call it jealousy of the worst kind, but boy is it getting old. Elisa isn´t usually a big hitter, but with her smaller cousin, she can just smell weakness or something. Luckily, we managed to keep Elisa occupied and the evening passed with lots of jamon, pan and casera so the fighting was limited.

Since we arrived late July, Elisa has been sleeping about the same as at home. She does about 11 hours a night and a good two hour nap each day after about 4 hours awake. Fortunately, with the time change this means she is getting up somewhere between 9 and 10am and going to bed around 11pm. She naps as we have lunch and usually gives us about an hour of siesta for ourselves. So yes, life is good. Of course, today she had to throw us a curveball and fall asleep in the car on the way back up from the village, but she still napped a good bit and we´re now siesta-ing in shifts. So that´s how we´re doing. We saw cousin Jordan off on Saturday and he´s been sorely missed by a little girl who was used to seeing him everyday for nearly 3 weeks. As for language, I don´t know if this would have been a big spurt anyway, but being here and having Elisa completely surrounded by Spanish has been a complete boon for her vocabulary. She is speaking much more in Spanish and trying new words everyday. Now I am routinely greeted with ¨Hola Mama!¨ and her cries for more are still ¨mas, mas!¨ It´s heartening to see her interactions with all the family here and to see how comfortable she is amongst them. I think sometimes we worry that she will favor one side or the other and it´s true that we don´t get to Spain as much as we do North Carolina. But it´s also true that time with family is always short, and no matter what we will eternally be playing catch up. So it´s good to see how much she enjoys the time we have here. I hope we can build on this every summer until she can be my guide around Europe.

So what does two have in store for us? I wish I knew. Already we are well acquainted with the temper tantrums, crazy demands and easy laughter. The words are constantly forming and amazing me. Last night she actually said ¨What happened?¨with a kind of silly face and Nacho and I were both laughing. Where does all this personality come from? If I could bottle her intensity and sell it, I might have to consider it a controlled substance. It is potent. But that´s the only Elisa we know. And when she is demure and sweet, she is the absolute best. The rest of the time, you vaciliate between curbing her enthusiasm and just riding the tide. Because we all know it´s going to turn. But as I can already tell, that´s half the fun. If she´s still this way in another 5 years, I might change my mind, but for now, we love the girl that Elisa has become. All three feet plus of her. As the woman in the park today told me when I said she was just turning two, ¨Que grande, no?¨Si, si.

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

This separation stuff





Taking care of Elisa when we are far from home is something I´ve gotten pretty used to. It means figuring out her food, her sleeping arrangements, and trying to keep the rhythm of life somewhere near her normal zone so we can all get along better. Traveling outside the U.S. would be completely different for us if we weren´t visiting family, but since we are, most of the things I would have to worry about are completely taken care of. Crib for Elisa? Check. Food every day that she will like? Check. Activities for her and people to help us enjoy them? Check. So it´s with a lot of confidence that I decided to plan a couple of trips away from Elisa for just my nephew and I. Last week we went to Nerja on the southern coast for 4 days and tomorrow, we leave for Barcelona until the weekend. It´s great to be here with both Jordan and Elisa but their ages and interests are far from convergent. So thanks to a full team of family help, we are off again and I know Elisa will be excited to see us return on Saturday. But for now, she has lots more Spanish to learn and a couple of days to practice.