It's true

I'm a second child--the youngest child. So I should know better than to treat my second offspring this way. But somehow, Carolina is getting the shaft when it comes to photos taken of her in her first 4 weeks. By this time with Elisa, I think we had an album full. Not so much this second time around. Everyone says that about second kids. You don't take as many photos. You don't update the baby book as often (or even buy one in this case...yikes!) And so far, I'm doing nothing to disprove that. So I vow to make an effort this week to get a photo with Carolina. I think the last one of me with her was in the hospital. And Nacho has only taken a few with her the night she was born. It's funny that with all that goes on day in and day out in our house, there seems to be a good rhythm, but not much extra time for the photography and blogging I managed to squeeze in early on with Elisa. I guess everything was so noteworthy then--so massively important. And this time, things are just...relaxed. Much more chill. And that's a great thing. Breastfeeding on the go? No problem. Taking the preschooler to the park and out for lunch? Sure, why not? The whole family outings are still somewhat of a production, but it's much easier than learning it all the first time. We're still running about 30 minutes behind my projections most of the time, but that's not bad. We'll see how it goes when I'm the only one running the show. But I still have a few more weeks with Abuela's help and Nacho's schedule for September is pretty good. Hopefully I can catch up with documenting this little girl's new world and maybe even rename the blog. I need ideas though....comments? Hmmmm...Carolina definitely needs some billing here, even if her sister is the star. Oh, second child. I feel for ya.

Time flies

It's already been three weeks since Carolina was born. Three weeks. I know time doesn't stand still, but somehow it feels more like three days. She's still so new. But as I look again and again at her face and her tiny legs and arms, I realize they are starting to fill out. Those wrinkles are beginning to fade and her little thighs are looking downright meaty. Mmmmm...all the more edible. Some things haven't changed though. She is such a sweet girl. For the most part, she sleeps and eats and has minimal fussy time. Of course, it would be nice to have the perfect formula worked out by which I know exactly how long it will take to feed and change her and get her back to sleep at night. But most of the time she eats for a good 20-25 min. on one boob, burps, changes pants, then eats a little more, then burps, then gets hiccups and swaddled til she rocks asleep and gets rid of the hiccups. It's just about like that every time. Sometimes there is another diaper change when she decides to soil a perfectly clean diaper minutes after I've changed her. But that's a newborn for you. What I've really decided this time around is that it's not nearly as difficult and demanding to feed and take care of a baby as it is a toddler. Both make demands on your time, but somehow the toddler also preys upon your emotional state in a way that a baby cannot. How many times did I fix food that Elisa wouldn't touch or have to deal with a tantrum as we're trying to leave the house? With Carolina, it's just making sure that she's not starving and we're off which feels so much simpler. Not that there aren't other issues, but it just feels easier than I remembered. With a newborn it's more about endurance I suppose. The sleep isn't great and it varies so much from night to night. But maybe three years of motherhood has conditioned me for this second race. It's still a long, steady slog, but I'm mentally hanging in there. Getting out to the park and enjoying a few gorgeous days has made me so appreciative of the life we have. Seeing my parents off tonight also makes me realize that the newest arrival has been greeted and now we are dealing with those first goodbyes. Never easy. But here we are. Three weeks down and marching ever forward...

August Birthday Blowout

As I've mentioned before, we are lucky to know a number of families in Sunnyside whose kids are all about the same age as Elisa. I'm not sure what was in the water that fall of '07, but by August of '08, there seemed to have been a birthday explosion--at least 9 of our playgroup kids were born that month. Watching them grow up together has truly made this journey of parenthood all the more enjoyable. With my pregnancy this summer, we knew we would be staying put in August and foregoing the usual trip to visit Nacho's family in Madrid. And as it turned out, a number of our friends here were also bypassing their usual summer holidays this month. The idea of a joint August birthday party at Sunnyside Gardens Park quickly took hold and this momma to a newborn was eager to celebrate together and share the party planning duties. Nothing like showing up with just a couple of hours of sleep under your belt and being able to commiserate with my fellow moms who likewise slept poorly the night before. Did I mention three of us have new babes as of this summer? Fortunately, there is power in numbers so on Saturday we teamed up to throw one heck of a bash...

From the food to the decor to the crafts, it was a great party all around. Plenty to eat and drink and good conversation. Everyone brought their A-game and no child made it home without a good deal of cake and fun. All told we feted 7 of the August babes: Birdie, Elisa, Antonella, Francesca, Maya, Juliet (in absentia), and Leonardo. Elisa managed to run wild through the park like she always does and required a wardrobe change half way through the festivities after I spied her splashing with wild abandon in a mud puddle on the field. Oh joy. Good thing that new dress is wash and wear. With mud splatters all the way up her back (and in her ear!), our birthday girl was having a blast and I wouldn't want it any other way. Getting to share the party with both grandmothers and my father who served as Grill Master was an added bonus. The weather held out with no rain til later that night and Carolina finally succumbed to the sleep she'd been resisting all night and gave me a rather easy time at the park. Being able to just hang out and relax and catch up with some friends I hadn't seen in a while was exactly the kind of day I'd hoped for. And I think all of the kids felt they got something special out of the party too. It might not work for every year, but this year, the sight of all of those kids singing and celebrating together was a beautiful thing. Hard to believe they are already preschoolers with so much independence and personality to boot. Three years of friendships have blossomed and no matter who moves away or how often we get together, there is something very special about this group. And if the kids don't know it yet, we moms definitely do. So thanks to everyone for sharing in our fabulous day. We will always remember the big 3!

Our Birthday Girl

This year we had to step it up. The past two birthdays, we've celebrated Elisa's big day with family in Spain. While Abuela and the crew slaved away making dinner and buying cake and champagne and lots of presents, Nacho and I relaxed and pretty much just showed up. I felt a little bit guilty, but really, the kid had no idea it was her birthday and so not getting any presents from us (besides two very pricey plane tickets!) wasn't a deal breaker. She loved us anyway. But this year, with the arrival of Carolina coming just weeks before the big 3, I figured it wouldn't hurt to shower Elisa with lots of love and well, yes, presents. Since both Abuela and Grandma and Grandpa are in town, it was going to be a family affair all around and it didn't hurt that we had a morning with her in preschool to decorate and add the final touches. The dining room became Party Central and I think the surprise was well worth the wait...

To her credit, Elisa was attentive to all the presents she received. In fact, at several points I had to prod her to keep opening them and we took several breaks so she could play with the Play Doh, new dolls, and watch a bit of Toy Story 2. She seemed to be taking it all in and loving every minute of this birthday bonanza. At one point, she looked up at the balloons and decorations and said a heartfelt "thank you" for her birthday party. It was such a sweet recognition of all that went into this special day and it made me realize how fortunate we are that beneath all the normal preschool mood swings, we have a very thoughtful girl. Of course, the party hat she requested was not a hit (until almost bed time when she decided to finally wear it) and I think she bypassed the paints and art supplies for more fun with the Toy Story characters, but all told, Elisa reacted just how I hoped she would. She laughed and played and really seemed to bask in the birthday glow. And on Saturday, we get to celebrate again with all of our friends and family at the park as we fete a total of 7 August 2008 babes. It will be another reason her birthday this year is different from other years. Being home because of Carolina's arrival and having the chance to join our friends for the festivities just makes it feel like the birthday girl has matured. She is the big sister and the preschooler with her own crowd. I love seeing this metamorphosis and I can't wait to see what the year ahead brings us as a family. Love multiplied and so much more world to share.

Little Liza

So my mother has this thing about Liza Minnelli. Or should I say, she has a thing about making my infant daughters look like Liza. Both with Elisa and now Carolina, Grandma likes to hover around after bath time and do the hair styling. And with both, she's made the comb forward motion and little spit curls around the hair line her signature style. We call it the "Liza" because if you've ever paid close attention to Ms. Minnelli, it seems her hair is growing forward towards her face (perhaps to cover up those unfortunate nip and tuck lines?). Anyway, here is Carolina after her second bath in all her showgirl glory...

And for the record, Carolina actually seemed to love her bath. She didn't cry or fuss and almost acted like the water dripping over her skin was kind of fun. She was very good throughout and even when I was getting her dressed, she only squawked a little. Yes, she's a gentle soul. Even her fussiest night a few nights ago was not that bad. She was restless and alert for several hours after a cluster feed and I was beginning to think our golden streak was over. But then she slept from 2 a.m. til 11 a.m. with only one feed around 5:45 a.m. Eat and back to bed. That's her default position, so I suppose it's tolerable if she throws us a minor curveball now and again. And as that last photo suggests, she's already packing on a few ounces here and there with a little double chin, so we're pretty sure she likes her mama's groceries just fine. That hair, the wide eyes, and double chin all make her look a little more like Liza, if you ask me.

One week down...

It's hard to believe I didn't know this face just over a week ago. It feels like she's been with us forever and yet we're only getting acquainted. And so far, I love everything about her. Unlike with Elisa, the shock of becoming a mother again has not clouded my enjoyment of this little one. It feels kind of unfair, but that's the truth. I think the physical aftermath of my long labor with Elisa and the adjustments to breastfeeding and so little sleep were much, much crueler and harder for me to overcome the first time around. With this girl, I barely feel like I've just given birth and my body is more accustomed to shorter nights and surviving on naps. I don't wake up starving with that horrible knot in my stomach feeling from too little rest. I'm still a little groggy waking up at 3:00 a.m. to feed her, but at least I don't feel like she's personally screwing with me. This time I know it's the best she can do. And it really won't last forever (words I did not believe with a colicky baby). And so far, Carolina's rocking her nighttime feedings. We're getting on average a good 3-4 hours of rest from the time I put her down until she wakes again which means she's going about 4-5 hours total between feedings in her first week! I don't think Elisa did that except for one or two nights in her first 3 months and the first time I recorded it was September 6, 2008 (almost 3 weeks after she was born and it was a total fluke). So yeah, things are pretty good so far which means that I'm wondering if this posting will jinx it, but I like living on the edge. There's nothing like a calm baby around to make you realize how fussy the first one was. It's like night and day. Comparisons between siblings are probably never great to make, but it's all I can do nowadays. Carolina is definitely a keeper and well, Elisa is lucky she's so stinkin' cute.

All that love

Apart from blabbing too much about my delivery and how wonderful Carolina is, I'm most often asked how Elisa is coping with her new role as Big Sister. It's kind of expected that this will be a difficult transition for any kid, and yet I think there is a huge difference between a child of 18 months or 2 years getting a new sibling and an almost 3 year old getting one. Maybe I'm wrong, but I really think this is the perfect timing for us as a family to add a new member. Elisa is clearly able to process some of the big ideas about having a sister and taking care of a baby, and yet, she is also at that point that she needs a little comeuppance. I mean, let's be honest. In many ways, the "terrible twos" have given way to the "tyrannical threes" and we definitely have a girl who wants to insert her own choices and mandate how life will be. We're working every day on compromise and on making her feel like she has some control over our pre-approved choices, but really it's a crapshoot. Even pre-baby, there was never a good way to predict how Elisa would deal with our requests or changes to her normal routines--even if for the most part she was a pretty good kid. As the past week has shown us, with company around and a new sister in the house, sometimes the excitement and need for attention is too much. As often as there have been tender moments between sisters that would make your heart burst, there have also been regressions from a girl who wants to lay in her papa's lap to eat and crawl across the rug like a baby. Elisa has demanded to hold her sister and even carry her. She doesn't seem to understand yet that carrying a newborn is no small feat, but obliging her a little pillow time with her sister on her lap has worked wonders. Usually she is "done" with the baby in a matter of minutes, often after declaring how much she loves her baby. "I want to kiss her." "I need to hold her" she repeats daily. It's pretty sweet actually. And I suspect that with a little time and a baby who starts to interact more in a month or so, we'll see Elisa engage her sister more and really start to take on the role of caregiver. For now, she's happy to spy on her sleeping in the moses basket or get an up close view of her poopy diapers. She's already come through a week of huge changes and she handled my absence and the hospital visit with great aplomb. It was one of my favorite sights ever to see her face searching around the room for "the baby" when she first peeked in on me last Wednesday morning at the hospital. Seeing them meet and now seeing them together at home makes all the sense in the world to me. They were destined for this life together and I'm just lucky enough to share it with them.

What can I say?

As I sit here and type this out on a calm Friday night, I still can't quite believe how the week is ending. As July came to a close and August started, I was getting impatient and eager to be done with this pregnancy and the colossal heat wave that seemed to swallow all my energy. I woke up Tuesday morning to make it to my regular doctor's appointment on time and felt like a twisted knot of anxiety and fatigue. When the nurse took my blood pressure, I knew something was up. "It's high, right?" I asked. She seemed surprised I knew, and said yes. But for me, something was up. I knew I was anxious that day, but didn't know why. I wanted to talk to the doctor about scheduling an induction for after my due date, but I also just wanted to hear that I was more dilated and could go on over to the hospital right away. Ta-da! Let's have this baby! I just wanted to know what was in store.

Of course the joke is that I didn't have much longer to wait to find out what would happen with this girl. After checking me again at the appointment, my doctor declared I was at about 3 1/2 cm dilated (up just slightly from the week before) and we agreed to set the induction date for Monday, August 8th. I was somewhat relieved to have a plan and figured that gave me time the rest of the week to go into labor on my own which was my ultimate goal. I was in more pain after the exam than I'd had on previous visits, but once Nacho met me for breakfast, we sat down and I thought it would all subside. Later I walked to the bus thinking this couldn't go on for days and days. I would have to go soon, right? By the time we got home and I laid down for a bit, I woke up to feel something more going on around 11:30 a.m. A contraction? For real? I had been nervous for weeks that I might not recognize the signs of a normal labor. With Elisa my water began to leak and nothing really started until hours and hours later at the hospital when I consented to the pitocin drip that turned out to be my worst enemy. Not the way I wanted to go this time. But as I laid there timing things, I realized that every 20 minutes I was having the same pains. I laid there excited but too nervous to believe it was happening. Then the next hour they came about 10 minutes apart. I got up and confessed to Nacho that this might be the day. We had lunch and I tried laying down again only to find out that the 7 minute contractions were slowing back down. No, no, no...this better not backtrack is all I thought.

By about 4:00 p.m. I was feeling the contractions about every 5-7 minutes. I knew my doctor had mentioned calling and coming in around 3-4 minutes apart for an hour, but I wasn't sure I could wait much longer. With rush hour traffic over the Queensboro Bridge in mind, I figured waiting til 5:30 or 6 p.m. to leave might not be the best idea. So I called. Come in now, they said. So we were off. Wait, no. First Nacho made a coffee. At the time I wasn't finding that very humorous, but now it all makes sense (especially if you know my husband). Better be highly caffeinated before this long night began, right? So we gathered my stuff, hailed a cab and my mom and Nacho brought me to the hospital in record time. Really. I only had about 3 contractions getting there, so about 15 minutes total travel time--the first of many miracles. And yes, it really did feel like I was in a bad movie hanging on to the cab door as I contracted and darted through New York City traffic. But there I was. We made it to triage and the contractions only picked up coming every 2-3 minutes. This is where I began to panic a little. I was holding myself together pretty well, but waiting to see the nurse was difficult. Fortunately, the nice one I got jumped me ahead of the line when she realized this was my second labor coming this fast and that was that. Within an hour I was in my delivery room fully hooked up to the IV, checked and at about a 4 1/2 or 5 cm, and waiting for the epidural that I knew would help me cope. This time around, I wasn't playing games. These contractions were not insurmountable, but fuck it, I thought. There was no part of me that was tempted to wait and see what "natural" felt like beyond this. I guess that was another difference with this labor. All my curiosity about how my body would do, whether I could go without drugs, was gone. I knew from my experience with Elisa that the fear of needles and a catheter wasn't the worst to come. The pain and hours of pushing was the worst, and anything I could do now to minimize it was all I cared about.

By 7 p.m. I had my epidural started, and things were beginning to calm down a little. I tried to lay back and relax. Hospitals are so weird anyway, but this time I was more accustomed to the bodily humiliation and prodding of modern day labor & delivery. I was thanked several times by the nurses and my OB/GYN for not complaining which I found slightly amusing. Moi? Well, I suppose there are all kinds of women and maybe I was tolerating this better than some. But really, so far, things were progressing and even though I had no idea what to expect of the rest of the day, I was pretty happy with how things were going. My labor started on its own, it was speeding up and I was on some pretty good drugs. Who could ask for anything more? For the next several hours I laid in bed shifting slightly and listening to the steady gallop of Carolina's heartbeat. There's nothing like hearing that on the monitors and knowing she's almost ready to come out and bring that little heartbeat into my arms. Unfortunately, the nurse came in a couple of times to "turn" me acting as if it was for the epidural, but when I pressed, she said it was also due to Carolina's decelerations. The heartbeat wasn't as "bouncy" as they'd like and she said that the baby needed to move a bit more and I may need some oxygen to help things out. Hmmmm...okay, I thought. Nothing out of the normal, since I remembered Elisa having one or two episodes like that. But by the time she brought the oxygen mask out, I was wondering if this baby was going to have more trouble than her sister with keeping her heart rate up. And part of me was mentally racing ahead to an emergency C-section if they couldn't get her to stabilize. Just what I needed, I thought. A second labor that ends in surgery because this little cretin can't hold her own. Little did I know that in fact she was more than capable.

With the oxygen flowing and blasting my eyes closed, I laid there for another hour or so just trying to stay relaxed and positive. Nacho and Mom had taken shifts to get dinner and we were all waiting to hear when the doctor would check me again since it had been about 4 hours. I told the nurse that with the last few contractions I could feel a rolling kind of pressure at the end of each one that might be kind of a bearing down sensation. She seemed unfazed and told me to let her know when I had that sensation without a contraction. Mmmm...okay, if you say so. It felt like something important to note at the time, but then again, they see this every day. I probably had about a half hour of those contractions before I checked the clock. It was about 10:20 p.m. and I was starting to doubt that this baby would be here before midnight. Just then I felt a "pop" down below. I waited half a second expecting that my water had finally burst (it had been leaking a bit) and asked my mom to come over and see what was going on. She stood over me trying to open my legs a bit when I protested. Something felt like I shouldn't move. There was no pain just a tiny bit of lingering pressure, but I just felt like I needed to keep my legs closed. My mom made a dash down the hall to get the doctor and within a few seconds the nurse was charging into my room ahead of them declaring, "Oh, we have a head!" It was just that easy. The doctor flew into the room instructing the pack of nurses following her in the kind of organized chaos that you see on TV medical dramas. Within a minute or so, they had tables pulled up and equipped, lights in place and gowns on. My mom and Nacho stood on either side of me beaming equally and telling me there was a head with "lots of hair!" I was semi-delirious by now just wondering how things could have gotten to this point so quickly. And yet, I was also still mildly cautious that I'd been here before with a visible head poking out and delivered a baby after 4 more hours of pushing. What would it be this time?

As they instructed me to pull my legs back and Nacho and Mom again taking charge of each side, I gathered myself for the next contraction and began to push. And before I felt like I'd done anything at all, she was out. It was 10:23 p.m. I felt all those limbs coming out but no pain or burning like with Elisa and no last minute episiotomy or vacuum assist to seal the deal. This was cake. Labor was officially over and I couldn't have been more elated. And to top it off, I had a baby on my chest being wiped down and the experience of seeing her in those first few minutes. It was a beautiful thing. With Elisa, she was whisked away because of my fever and her risk of infection since we were 32 hours past my water breaking. I saw her only for a few minutes after her Apgar scores and then she was off to the NICU where I saw her again after about 5 hours. She roomed there for the entire hospital stay and was pumped full of antibiotics, formula and had a paci in her mouth for the next two days. To say this was a better labor and outcome is putting it mildly. I really couldn't have asked for it to go any smoother if I'd written up a birthing plan and nailed it to my forehead. One push. One fucking push. If I'd heard this story from another mom, I'd be inclined to call her a lying sack of shit. But no, it really happened just like that. So excuse me if I might seem a bit smug, but I can't stop pinching myself. I'm home and it's now 3 days later and I'm feeling like myself only a bit tired. No sitz baths, no donut rings, no witch hazel wipes and grimacing to sit on the toilet. A little achy in my abdomen and that's it. And to be clear, I have absolutely no desire to do this again, but it's pretty awesome to go out on such a high note. My memories of Carolina's birth have already made me feel like I got the full range of birthing experiences and came out a winner on all fronts.

Introducing...Carolina Lucia Tortajada

Born on Tuesday, August 2, 2011 at 10:23 p.m. and weighing 7 lbs. 8.6 oz. and measuring 19 3/4 inches long. What a story to tell...but more on that soon!