Blogging v. Facebook v. Real life

So this past weekend Nacho set off for an early morning bike ride on Saturday. Now I don't begrudge him his rides through the city, but I do sometimes wish he would put as much effort as he puts in planning his routes into planning an outing for our family. The impetus for getting us ready and choosing where to go usually falls on my shoulders which can get old.  So when he returned a couple of hours later, I threw him a challenge: while he was getting cleaned up, pick a destination for our day.  And in no time, he had decided to take us back along his earlier route to Williamsburg, Brooklyn to check out the food mecca that is Smorgasburg.  Good choice.  I'd heard about this for a while and when our friends Jill and Dave brought their little boy Miles to town in May, it was one of their first stops.  They even spotted Mario Batali (and yes, his famous orange Crocs) on the ferry nearby.

As we parked and walked towards the large area of food vendors, the small park with geese aplenty beckoned so we took a detour down to the waterfront. It was a nice walk until we realized that every other step was dangerously close to the geese poop littering the grass. Elisa was thoroughly disgusted and didn't want to walk any more. "Carry me!" she demanded and froze up like only a 3 year old who isn't going to budge can. Uh no. Sorry.  But I did let her hold my hand while Nacho took Carolina in the stroller up and around the grassy wasteland. We were just nearing the open lot with all the food stalls when Elisa announced she did not want to go in. "NO! I want the park! I don't want to go there!"  What park? What was she freaking out about? I think she thought when we headed in through the "park" that there would be a playground. But no. It was just a "tree park" as we have taken to calling them, and she wasn't happy about it. So I explained where we were going to which she replied, "I don't want to eat!  No, I don't want to go there."  Yes, yes, I get it. Playgrounds are more fun.  Trees and food just can't lure the kids in.  But somehow Elisa missed the memo that this wasn't all about her.  

And this is where I stop to debate how this little outing looks to the casual observer.  I know I post a ton of photos on my Facebook page and usually follow that up with a blog entry when I have time to write it all out.  But I'm the first to admit that sometimes the photos I post on FB and the posts I write aren't always the whole story. Shocking, I know. Normally you don't see Elisa's meltdown or hear about the constant cajoling that had to happen to coax her into the venue. You don't see how Nacho and I had to divide and conquer to get the food and drinks we could barely enjoy because Elisa was dancing all over the place bumping into people and wandering away from our park bench.  Or how patiently Carolina sat and sat and then sat some more until finally I could free myself up enough to take her for a little stroll. Oh and it rained on us twice.  In fact, I was about to abandon ship just as we got our Korean bbq dishes because the raindrops were really picking up and all I could think was "Well, this is shitty.  Should we leave and eat in the car?"  But you wouldn't necessarily know that from these pics. Because who wants to read that blog?

In the end, we stayed and ate with views of the city and the bridge, and then I went back for doughnuts (which you don't see because we inhaled them).  And Elisa tried to walk off again only to have Nacho join her for a short walk in the rain.  So yeah, it was a lot of effort for very little payoff (but damn, the bbq was tasty).  There were only a few moments of resting and enjoying it in real time.  To be honest, sometimes I wonder why do we even bother?  Is it worth all the effort?  Taking two kids anywhere in this city can be such a pain sometimes with two strollers crowding up the trains and buses.  Even when we drive there is still the hassle of parking and unloading all our gear.  It's like we are the little family that pokes its nose in where the single/childless city folk tend to dwell.  "But hey, we used to be just like YOU!" I want to shout.  Don't I still get to do fun things?  And the answer is yes.  It just takes more out of me.  By the time we get home, even I'm ready to nap. And lots of times, I do. We are not full of boundless energy around here, but we pick and choose where to spend it. And my apartment is a mess, but don't tell my mother. 

So there you have it.  Blogging and Facebooking are part of the fabric of my life.  But they are not my life.  The photos may often appear to show a happy-go-lucky family scene straight out of a parenting magazine, but that's not always how it feels.  I try to balance things out on the blog with a more accurate account of how the day went, but again sometimes there are things I gloss over.  Do you really need to hear about Elisa's fifth freak out of the day?  Is it fair to leave that out?  Is it real?  I don't know how to answer those questions.  I record these things for my own enjoyment most of the time, and to remember that yes, it was all worth it.  Things may not always be rosy, but in my head I usually end up thinking "Well, at least we tried something new."  That's what really drives me to go out on these little adventures. It's not the Facebook bragging rights or wondering how artsy I can make the photos on the blog. I just really like this city, and I like that we can do different things just about every day of the year if we wanted.  And by the time we go back to repeat things, the city has changed again ever so slightly and it's still a new experience. It's just that rich.  I think it's part of how and where I live that I can bring these experiences to my friends and family through social media for them to be a part of our life. And I truly expect the same. What I love about Facebook is really the exchange it allows and that I find such inspiration from the photos and things my friends are doing. Maybe I'm the anomaly, but that's what I enjoy about it. I rarely find it depressing in a why-can't-I-be-doing-that-too kind of way. I get that. But I think if you enjoy the life you have, then why not post what you like?  Besides, if you don't want to see 100 photos of my kids a day, hide me. It's that easy. I'll just keep blogging anyway.

Malibu!

In an effort to visit two beaches in one week, we met up with some friends for a Long Island beach day at the Malibu Shore Club last Friday. It was nice to check out a new part of the coastline near Long Beach and of course see Jen and her three adorable girls who moved from Sunnyside a few years back. Before lunch, we hit the kiddie pool and Elisa managed to somehow dunk her entire body. She was a little shocked but otherwise excited about it. I think swim lessons are going to be in order before next summer.  As for the beach club, it was cool to see what the cabanas are like and have a shower at the end of the day. And the kids loved the sand pit and playground in the common area. I can see how this could be just as much fun as hitting Sunnyside Gardens Park every couple of days in the summer. There was so much to do and it was fairly manageable even with multiple kids in tow. 

Later we made it down to the beach if only for a quick dip. The waves were a bit much after the big storm that rolled through the night before. And poor Carolina got drenched in a small wave, and then only wanted to shove handfuls of sand in her mouth up on the beach. The poop explosion in her swim diaper didn't help matters either because I had to run back to the cabana for the diaper and wipes I forgot to bring down. Yes, things were quickly starting to deteriorate after our early morning start and no nap.  By the time we got everyone cleaned up, Elisa was having her third massive meltdown of the day but who's counting?  Not my best outing of the week for sure.  We packed it in around 2:30 p.m. and made it back to Sunnyside without much traffic at all.  It was good to catch up with Jen and let these kids run off some energy.  We miss her in our moms group and I know she misses us too. It's hard to find the mom friends that we lucked into with our '08 babes in this neighborhood. And reunions like this remind us of our good fortune. 

Roomies

 

Last night was the first night these girls shared a room. And they both slept like logs. Thank you, Jesus.  Of course, Carolina woke Elisa up at 5:45 a.m. and no one wanted to go back to sleep. But I suppose that's a small hiccup we will try to overcome with time or finally adjust to. Today it was a little rough because Elisa was so wide eyed and happy to be waking up with her sister until I told her to lay back down. About 20 minutes later she just couldn't take it any more and came out.  Yeah, there are some kinks to work out, but we're on the way.  Hopefully, we can get their bedtimes more in sync, but last night we let Elisa creep in about 40 minutes after her sister fell asleep and all went well. Carolina didn't stir even though I had explained to Elisa not to talk when we went in and she still did.  Aaaaahhhhh, she just doesn't listen.  But luckily I didn't have to beat her.  So that's it. I have officially regained my bedroom and was positively giddy laying in bed last night with the lights on chatting with Nacho just before bed. Such a small thing and yet it's so important to be able to have those quick conversations or rattle off tomorrow's to-do list as you lay there shutting down your brain for the night. It's also a huge step toward recognizing that we are a family with two little girls, not one big girl and a baby. A year ago my mantra was every day was a day forward--a day closer to more independence for them and us. And it still rings true. Turning this corner is part of my checklist of things I've been waiting for since Carolina was born.  Now I can say "done"...and wait for her to walk!

Transition time again

Next week Carolina turns 1. One. How the fuck did that happen? I mean, seriously, the girl is still such a baby at times (can you say unexpected 4 a.m. feeding?) and yet, she's not. She's really becoming a little toddler and it's almost like the changes are speeding up and every day she looks bigger or more sure footed. Don't worry, Grandma, she's not actually walking yet. My mother did ask outright if she'd missed that milestone since I seem to be posting more than phoning these days. But no.  She's close though. I really thought it might be before her birthday, but I bet it won't be much longer. And all of this brings up the changes we are about to embark on regarding moving Carolina into Elisa's room and transitioning her off formula to milk. And maybe, just maybe switching to sippy cups for everything and throwing all the bottles away. Too soon? Well, the room switch can't happen fast enough, but somehow every day I find a reason to delay it. The real kicker is that their bedtimes are just not aligned very well most of the time because Elisa is still napping. And do I really want to push that? Hmmm. Up until now, I've voted no because most days I can pretty well synchronize their naps and then I have almost 2 hours of freetime to myself to clean up, regroup, grab a cup of tea and sit down for a while. Sometimes even nap. It's heavenly. And I know it. But the fact that I still put up with a baby sleeping 4 feet from my head every night is the downside. Even though Carolina is in her crib and sleeps a solid 10-11 hours most nights, her proximity to my bed is still problematic. I hear her. And I'm pretty sure she hears us. Which means that there are lots of little stirrings when we come into the room around 11 p.m.  And god forbid I should have to get up to pee around 4 a.m.  I'm so afraid of the creaks our bed makes that I try to hover over it weightlessly as I move to get up and out, but usually it fails (damn, gravity!).  My nighttime movements almost always prompts a sigh or a thump from Carolina's corner, which may or may not wake her up to the point of needing some intervention.  It's nothing horrible, but man, I live for the day I can rollover or get up to pee in peace.

And of course the move to Elisa's room will also mean a general shifting of her space and hopefully that goes well. I think she's excited about having her sister in her room and will probably do fine with the sleeping part. Elisa has many quirks, but generally, she's a terrific sleeper. She stays in her bed and hasn't had nearly as many night wakings or screaming fits this year as before. So I'm hopeful that she'll learn to ignore Carolina's mumblings and maybe we can all rest easier. We've discussed that sucking her thumb and holding on to her burp rag is going to have to stop soon.  Actually, we keep saying after she turns 4 she'll have to give those up.  But who knows.  I realize that with so many of the changes we've faced as parents, it's been more about our readiness than Elisa's.  Like the switch to the big girl bed and giving up the bottle at age 3, it wasn't so much about her as it was about my willingness to tough it out. And by that time, it wasn't so bad.  So I'm mentally stewing on all of these things once again and trying to prep myself for the next battle. And just like always, I feel like I'm taking longer than I should to do some of this stuff, but somehow it will work out and I'll forget that I ever debated so much. That's just my nature, I guess. I like dissecting and working things out in my head well before I have to take action and then when the dust settles I feel great. It's such a clearing out of the cobwebs in my brain.  So off we go.  I know that the next month will be busy with the birthdays and our trip to Spain.  I'm just hoping that somewhere in there we teach these girls to cohabitate and then the slow process of buying back some "me" time (reading in bed! being able to hang out in my room whenever I want!) will continue. I have no doubt this next year is going to be even better than the last one. But first, I have to get crackin'. 

Rainy day plans

On Friday we made it into the city for a bit of rainy day fun. The weather this summer has been pretty tolerable for the most part. It seems like whenever the heat waves subside there's a nice break and we can move around a bit more.  So even though showers were predicted all day, I thought why not just get out and enjoy it. I was kind of inspired by our trip last week to meet Aunt Barbara where I made it all day on my own with the two girls. This time I decided to take the stroller so I wouldn't have to carry Carolina around the whole time and I think that was a wise choice.  We met up with Carmen and Leonardo to head into the Upper West Side originally to hit the Natural History Museum but it was understandably packed. So lunch at Leonardo's favorite pizza restaurant followed by a haircut for Elisa and some shopping was just as fun. At least for us--the kids kept asking about the museum and we kept putting them off. Maybe we'll see if it's not busy later. Hmmmm...still busy. But in truth, they took it pretty well and we all were relieved when the rain let up and we could walk a little more through Central Park. "Hey, this reminds me...of Central Park," Leo exclaimed. And for good reason. It was! He was so tickled we ended up there, and he and Elisa gave his new bat and ball a workout. 

Yes, it was a good day to be out and about even though we got a little wet. We made a late pitstop at Magnolia for a little cupcake action which I'm sure helped push us onward. Nothing like some sugar to fuel the crazies.  And of course Carolina stayed happy go lucky which just makes everything easier. That girl is too good to me sometimes.  We managed to get everyone back on the train and home before dinner time and the inevitable meltdowns. So it was a successful stroller-free outing which isn't always easy. And I for one am impressed these kids found the stamina to walk as much as they did. They complained a little about tired legs, but they found the energy to keep going. Somehow. And it makes me think that in another few months, we'll be doing more of this and wearing sweaters and jeans to keep us warm. Ahhhh...fall. I am ready to meet you soon.

Returning to Rockaway

We made it back to the Rockaways on Tuesday just a week after our first adventure there, and it was just as much fun. I dare say the beach was even better. The tide was out as we pulled in and there was a nice long expanse of sand with a little shallow water rushing in for Carolina to play.  Much easier than chasing her down the sloping sand into the surf every time at high tide. And Elisa was completely at ease playing in the water, rolling around and acting like she's there every day.  At one point, a group of girls near our blanket were looking for things to dig with and Elisa asked me if it was okay for her to share her bucket and shovels. Of course! And just like that, Elisa found some playmates and took off for the water again with them. She didn't even look back at me. At first I was a little irritated that she just up and left without asking me. But then I realized she was so comfortable with them and the oldest girls were about her cousin Mia's age (11 or so).  The water was shallow enough and they weren't getting in the waves. It was a delight to watch, actually, so I let it go. When it was time for lunch, we said our goodbyes and headed up to get more arepas on the boardwalk. The day was working out beautifully...

We returned to the beach for a couple more hours after lunch and it was even more relaxing than our last trip. I wasn't as worried about Carolina napping and Elisa was having fun. She found another group of girls to play and frolic with and it gave me a reason to think that in another few years, Elisa and Carolina will be the ones jumping together in the water.  Only at the very end around 5pm did Elisa start acting really tired. And for good reason--she was running up and down the beach all day. I think the crowds were a bit thicker that day because the temps in the city were up (near 100 degrees), but on the beach it was lovely.  It clouded up a bit later, but the winds were nice and cool and we enjoyed just hanging out on our new beach chairs. Now that our beach canopy arrived, we're planning another beach day this week. So far, July is turning out to be a good beach month afterall!

One year down

First day and last day 

Preschool 2011-2012

So the first year of preschool for Elisa ended in June. We barely made it back from California in time for her to go three whole days that month, but it was worth it. I like closure and the fact that we are switching schools next year just made it seem like this  was it.  We decided to take the summer off and not do anything school or camp related. It just felt like it would be a hassle to have a schedule and mess with the days we might be able to travel or do beach stuff or (admit it) just hang out at home in the A/C.  So Elisa's time at Amazing Magic Beans is over and though we've talked a little bit about the other school in front of her, it hasn't been the right time yet to explain she's moving on. I don't think it benefits me or her to bring that up much before the first week of school. She's still too young to really understand time or the fact that school is not the entirety of life. So why get into it before I have to? If anything I think Elisa is a very social and adaptable kid and I have every faith that she will love her new school. But it's going to be an adjustment from spending every day with her best friends. So we'll see. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little bit nervous about the transition.  But again, I know once Elisa gets started at the new place, she'll find things to love. 

Little Friends School is probably the oldest preschool in Sunnyside with a turn of the century building and lots of classrooms done up the way I remember school to look with colorful bulletin boards and art work all over the place.  When we checked it out last summer as I was making my decisions about where to send her, the fact that they weren't taking kids who needed potty training was a big negative.  I was too tired and pregnant to care if Elisa was potty trained by July when I wanted to start her, and that wasn't an issue at all with AMB. And the sound of a more progressive, creative environment was part of the appeal there too. Little Friends struck me as very traditional and a bit sedate, but in hindsight I think maybe that's more the direction I should have gone. I think with AMB I found out I wasn't as crunchy as I thought.  Maybe I like structure and organization and quiet more than I realized.  And so what?  I mean AMB definitely has a scene all its own, and it has been the overwhelming choice of our playgroup kids.  But even in that, I had to watch Elisa get moved to the upper classroom without her friends only to have her moved back down in March after the year was well under way for reasons I won't go into here.  Any other kid would have probably protested, but not Elisa.  She took that change in stride and because of it, I did too.  But overall, I was starting to doubt that another year of this environment would prepare her for Kindergarten in the public system. All the talk of child-led activities is great if kids try new things and learn to participate in the group, but with Elisa it seemed like she was too shy or too stubborn to do things she wasn't keen on.  And the parent-teacher conferences only reinforced that my outgoing, social girl was not being herself at school. I was hearing about another kid and one I didn't know how to reconcile with the daughter I know like the back of my hand. 

So yes, this year has been both wonderful to see Elisa off enjoying herself without us, but frustrating because I wonder if the type of school wasn't the best for her.  Coincidentally, I came across an article on a mom blog I read that was about whether "Montessori is right for your child" and so much of what it said reinforced my thoughts about Elisa at AMB.  While I have no doubt that the teachers and director there are passionate about their school, the day-to-day activities were all blending together and Elisa rarely seemed to be trying different pursuits.  I don't know if it was a matter of time because she only went 3 half days, but I don't have one single scrap of paper that I can keep from this year as a memento from Elisa's first year of preschool.  Nothing.  Even the family book that was started at the beginning to journal with her teacher petered out.  There might have been plans and she just didn't cooperate.  Who knows.  In the end, there was a lot of talk about a lot of things, and very little output.  But I do know that Elisa had fun.  And at 3, I think that's all that matters.  I know this might all sound a bit harsh and really, my only goal in writing this is to commit it to memory that we had our ups and downs with school.  Just like life.  It's a bit of a gamble to try for something new, but I think it's worth it to give it a shot. And economically, the fact that Little Friends offers a subsidized Universal Pre-K (UPK) program plus extended hours means that I end up paying only for 1 1/2 hours a day when she'll be there for 4.  It works out to half the cost which is huge considering I hope to have another year looking after these girls at home. So that's the full deal. I know talking about school brings up so many emotions and really they all touch on what we value. And sometimes we don't even know what that is until we see the opposite.  But we all want what's best for our kids. Hopefully, I'm getting closer to what's best for Elisa.  Time will tell. 

Aunt B comes to town

 

 

For a while now, I've been trying to get my Aunt Barbara to pay us a visit here in the city.  We spent the first three years in New York without kids which would have been a perfect time for her to come. But she was working and we were usually traveling around which meant we more often bumped into her at her home in Kansas City or at a beach house with my parents in North Carolina.  Fast forward a few more years and we have one little girl who keeps us pretty busy, and Aunt Barbara meets her a few times during our trips to the Midwest.  And now, with the latest addition to our family, it's been a while since we've made the trek back to my hometown so Aunt Barbara had to wait almost a year to meet our sweet Carolina. But I think she was worth the wait.  Aunt Barb kept saying what a happy baby she is and it's true.  The girl can light up a room with her smile.  So maybe now that she's retired, we can lure Barb to New York more often with a place to stay and two pretty happy girls (if you don't count Elisa's screaming).

Actually, the real reason for Barb's visit to New York last week was a Broadway-inspired tour that packs in four days of sightseeing and plays in what can only be described as a whirlwind visit.  So we were pretty lucky she had a day off to come and hang out with us in Manhattan which turned out to be a lot of fun.  The girls were both on their best behavior (for once I'm not joking) and the trip to FAO Schwarz followed by lunch and a tea party at Alice's Tea Cup was a complete success. Of course, I had to laugh at Elisa who when prompted by Aunt Barbara that she could buy two toys instead of just the little Olivia figurines she was holding said dismissively, "Let's just start with one."  Okay weirdo.  But Barbara found something else to entice her--a doll from the new movie Brave--and Elisa was pretty sure the redheaded beauty would like playing with her Rapunzel doll. So all was not lost and plenty of toys were purchased (including a souvenir NYC Barbie for Barb's collection--yes, she's my favorite aunt for a reason).

And our wait at Alice's Tea Cup (an hour and 20 minutes on a Friday afternoon?!) wasn't a total loss since we found a Pain Quotidien nearby for some savory snacks beforehand.  In truth, it worked out better than I could have planned because they were literally calling me as I came back from the bathroom on our way out of the place. We popped over to have a spot of tea and some really wonderful scones, and Elisa loved it.  I've been wanting to go there for a while and it was definitely a place I'd take Elisa and friends for a fun afternoon.  Only next time I'll know to make reservations because an hour plus wait would usually kill my desire.  But not that day.  It all worked out fine.  The new toy Olivia made it into one of the now spinning tea cups ("just like at Disneyland!" Elisa exclaimed) while we all kept a very sleepy Carolina entertained long enough to make short work of our sweet treats.  Walking a bit afterwards, I realized we hadn't even scratched the surface of fun things we could do with Aunt Barbara in New York City, but there just wasn't enough time. So with promises to get her back here before long, we said goodbye. Hopefully, she will get to stay with us next time she visits, and until then we can hopefully see her in North Carolina at a beach house very soon!