The mom stays in the picture...mostly

Last week an article ran on the HuffPost Parenting blog that caught my eye. Something about moms and taking more pictures with our kids.  At the very least we need to be documenting our existence and maybe even some of the better times we're sharing.  It seemed a given to me--a photo-obsessed mother by my own admission--since there are so many times I want to remember things with my photos. Of course I have to be in them too occasionally.  Why was this blog worthy, I wondered?  And then the article started blowing up all over my Facebook page with so many shares and comments from people around the country. It had really struck a nerve and the general consensus was that moms don't do this because of their body image issues. They don't like seeing themselves and their imperfect bodies after the toll of motherhood has begun.  And part of me sympathizes with this. Nothing is the same after pregnancy and years of sleep deprivation mixed with toddler dieting (i.e. polishing off plates of untouched food).  My weight may be within a 10 lb. range of my pre-baby self, but nothing is in the same place and my eyes haven't stopped puffing up every morning since 2008. These things do not make me happy, but they don't define me either. I think the key here is to do something about how you present yourself and not just fade into the background.  I still love my morning shower and quiet time to slap on some moisturizer and make up. I rarely go more than two days without using a curling iron even when I'm not scheduled to be anywhere. I like the way I look when I put in that effort.  I do this for myself.  And honestly, it makes seeing myself in a photo a little more palatable.  I still delete way too many photos of myself and ask for re-shoots. (Editorial control is one of my weaknesses). But I get that you need to be in the picture--not only literally, but also metaphorically. Being present and being accessible is one of the hallmarks of being a good mother, in my opinion. And allowing yourself to be captured this way is just part of the package. 

Having said all this, I also think it's important to know how to be "in the picture."  I'd like to think that maybe part of the confidence issue with some moms is really ignorance about how to achieve a good photo. I'm constantly snapping pics and over the years, I think I've developed a few guidelines which help me like the results a bit better.  It works for taking photos as well as being in them.  People often tell me I'm photogenic which is always nice to hear, but really I think it says I can relax in front of a camera. It's not that I look better or worse than others, but I don't fight it.  So here are my Top 10 thoughts about how to stay in the picture and maybe even like what you see:

1. Please smile. We ask this all the time of our kids. Shouldn't we be doing it too? Smiling is key to a nice photo, and if it doesn't happen naturally, practice it. Seriously.  I think the friends I know who hate having their picture taken and complain that they always photograph poorly are not willing to play with the medium and find their best expression. It doesn't need to be a cheesy grin or canned, squinty smile. Something in the middle where you smile with your eyes and feel it radiate out always looks good. And studies show if you smile a lot, you actually feel better.  What's better than that?
2. Cropping is your friend.  Although I might be playing into some of the negative body image issues, I have to say I really love head and shoulder shots.  You don't need a full body shot to be "in" the picture. As Nacho knows well, I love to say to my photographer, "Get closer. Okay, closer still."  And if your arm looks a little meatier than you like, crop half of it out of the frame if you can. Take the distracting elements out of the view and focus on the smile you have or your child's expression.  Closer shots are almost always better. 
3. Take a lot of photos. Take 100 and delete 95--this is the beauty of digital cameras. You aren't wasting anything so take many more shots that you think you need. Play with your expressions and where you are looking. Sit and then stand.   When I photograph a party or an event, I take upwards of 400 photos sometimes. Maybe 50 of them are good. This is a pretty constant ratio, so keep at it and you'll get a few photos of yourself that you like.
4. Facetime can get ugly.  Smart phones and web cams are not the best cameras. As much as I love my phone and laptop for having pretty great little cameras embedded in them, I know these are not the best for portraits. These lenses distort facial features much more than a regular camera--noses look bigger, chins weaker, and skin can look blotchy and sallow.  It's not a pretty picture. Hearing that nose jobs and chin implants are on the rise because of all this is not surprising. So don't leave your "real" camera at home all the time. Take it along and turn it on yourself occasionally. The portraits will be less distorted and more pleasing.
5. Angles matter. In photography, everything is about perspective.  Raising and lowering the camera can make a world of difference. Make sure the camera is not below chin level when you are facing it or else you're likely to get a very bad angle on your face.  The higher the camera, the better the angle pointing down slightly at your face. Cheek bones look better and double chins disappear. Try it. Find your best side (most people are NOT symmetrical and faces really do have different sides) and move yourself around in the frame to accent it when you can.  
6. Stay calm and carry on.  So many times when photographing kids, I see parents trying to talk and distract the kid into smiling. There's lots of awkward arm flailing and grimacing.  This never looks good on film and it makes the photo seem more chaotic. Try to project a Zen calmness even if you aren't feeling it and let the kid do whatever they are going to do. Don't struggle. Look at the child and smile. Sometimes those photos are better than the ones where everyone's looking at the camera. Mostly, let the photographer talk and try to get the kid's attention. Amazing how that helps. 
7. Ask someone to take your picture. If I waited for volunteers, I might never have any photos of myself with the kids. If you are used to taking all the photos, giving up control can be hard.  Also, I think sometimes people assume I just take all the photos and that I don't want to be in them. So I have to remind myself to take the camera off and hand it over to whomever I'm with. Some of my favorite pictures happen this way.
8. I love a little flash.  Okay, confession time...I take most of my photos using natural light because light is key to good photography. But when I have my own picture taken, I really prefer it with a flash. I like the way it smooths out some of my features and fills in my little wrinkles. Vain? Sure. But at least I'm honest. So maybe take one with flash and one without. Then decide which one you like better. And if you are indoors with minimal light, use a flash and don't let bad overhead lighting ruin the shot.
9. The best camera is the one you have with you. Simple, right? But I think it's easy to forget a camera or assume you won't need it when you aren't planning on going anywhere important. But really just taking your camera out of the bag is half the battle. So don't let it collect too much dust. And besides, kids grow so fast. A few photos every month and you'll be amazed how much difference you see when looking back.
10. Time gives us new perspective. Look back at a photo of yourself from 10 years ago--or 20. I bet you didn't like the photo much then, but now it's surprisingly not bad ("so young! so thin!").  I remember thinking I was a bit pudgy in high school and now I can't imagine the joy of fitting into those same jeans.  If only I could have appreciated it a bit more.  The truth is that we will never be this young again so take more photos now.  Go ahead and make your future self jealous.