And so it goes...

I don't have a cute photo to post today because it's not that kind of day. I found out on Monday that I no longer have a job and it's disappointing to say the least. I've thought many times over the past 12 months that I was trudging a difficult path being a wife, mother and worker. And yes, I even thought about what it would be like to quit my job. But I didn't. I liked what I did. And I liked the small office I had called home for over 4 years. 4 Years. The longest I had worked anywhere. Ever. It was a place I felt I knew and yet I found myself a stranger there. Left to clean up and clear out without even a farewell from the boss who had vacationed with me, visited Elisa in the hospital and been a good friend to both Nacho and I. Surreal is the only way to describe it, I guess and yet, part of me wasn't surprised at all.

Since having Elisa, my life had changed radically. Not only had I undergone a physical transformation (mom boobs, anyone?) but I have felt myself pulled emotionally and mentally in many different directions. Directions I didn't know existed before I had a child. Life changed. My priorities changed, and I wasn't the worker bee who could spend 9 or 10 hours a day in the office. When I started back in January, I felt relieved to be out of the house again and to see other people who could talk about something other than poop or boobs or sleeping habits. It was a return to normalcy I thought. Clients, emails, paperwork--it was all part of the old life that made sense when I felt my new life was too confusing. I was glad I found a way to continue to work and give myself that opportunity and give Elisa the chance to know other caretakers. She has had a few and they were all good in their own ways. Our current sitter Vanessa is so lovely and really makes it easy to see Elisa off when I leave home. Luckily, I wasn't gone every day which made this year feel like the best of both worlds. The allure of working part-time, from home even, was a definite perk of this job and I even commented on this blog that I had the best boss in New York City. But that was then.

Today I am a stay at home mom and I don't even know what that means. Does this mean I won't look for work? Does this mean I can afford to stay home? Does this mean I should have another baby sooner? I have lots of questions and very few answers. What I do know is that it wasn't in my control and that just sucks. It sucks to lose a job and a friend at the same time.