Goodbye 2009!

If there is ever a time to take stock of your life and what you are hoping to change or improve in it, I feel like the end of the year is the time to do that. Having said that though, I'm not really one for making resolutions. At least not the kind I discuss much or really commit to paper. A year ago, I was just hoping for more sleep, maybe some guidance on how to deal with the new stages of babyhood that seemed to make every day a struggle. And I was preparing to go back to work after my maternity leave. What a difference 365 days makes.

Now I'm sleeping plenty, much more comfortable with the daily parenting grind, and yes, out of work for the first time since I graduated college. I don't have any idea what's next and I'm kind of excited about that. Something is coming and whether it's more travel, a new professional calling, or just getting to explore home more with the people I love, it's nice to feel I have the support to be here now without worrying about what's going to happen next. All in all, it's not a bad place to be. In fact, as Nacho and I have been discussing, it's a kind of calm time in our life together right now. I think we both feel we've survived the tsunami of having a child and are getting to that place where we actually find her really interesting and fun. She is such a funny kid.

I find myself telling her constantly how much I love her. She is so kissable and squeezable, and her little one-track mind reminds me of someone else I love very much. Whether it's letting her run in the gravel path at the park or watch a video for the 10th time today, I find such joy in her joy. How can you deny her when to appease that little being brings such deep laughter, and smiles and satisfaction? Yes, I am in trouble and I know it. This parenting stuff is strewn with mines and finding out how to get around them with as little bloodshed as possible is the next frontier (did I mention she fell face first into the gravel?).

I feel like my biggest objectives for 2009 were to find a 2 bedroom apartment, make it to Spain with Elisa and learn how to divide my time between work and family without losing myself in the process. I achieved the first two with much effort but amazing payoffs. We love our new home and the space it affords each of us to be together and apart all at the same time. It's in the neighborhood we love and the fact that Elisa's room is big enough for another baby is encouragement to expand our brood when the time is right. I have some more home improvement projects to achieve this year and am looking forward to really making it my own. Visiting Spain with Elisa was a trip like no other and I remember thinking so many times during our stay that this would only be the first trip she'd make and at just one year old. I couldn't (and still can't) wait for another! We miss our family there so much and it doesn't feel right that they aren't able to see this little girl grow and change as much as we do. Hopefully in 2010 we will make up for some lost time.

I guess the third goal wasn't so much about finding a balance as it was about accepting that things change. My life is not the same as it was before Elisa came along. And now I can truly say it's actually better (and mean it). Dividing my time and my mental space between work and home was a challenge and ultimately, I'm not sure if I lost or if I was rescued (albeit with some pretty sharp knives). I certainly know I didn't figure it all out or find the perfect way to be a part-time mother. I don't think that exists. In 2010, I'm hoping to treat myself a little better, pursue some hobbies I've put off for too long, and remember to dance as much as Elisa does. That girl can move.