New beginnings

As I've already kinda sorta mentioned, this summer is a time of new beginnings for Elisa and me. We're working on several key areas (potty training, giving up her milk bottles and getting a new bed) and on top of that, she'll be starting preschool in July. The nice thing about all of these transitions is that we have time before the baby comes in August to settle into some new patterns which makes me feel like I'm giving Elisa that last little push towards three with my full attention. And Lord knows, she loves all the attention she can get.

So earlier this week, I went to the parent orientation for her preschool class. It was a child-free hour and a half of information about the school's philosophies (a combination of Montessori, Reggio Emilia and Waldorf) with a strong emphasis on emergent curriculum. To the uninitiated, that's a fancy pants way of saying the kids lead the activities and they get lots of hands on, messy time to explore and really spark their creativity. Seeing how excited and animated the director was just talking about it, made me feel great about this choice. She loves what she does and it really shows. And I know Elisa is going to love that kind of school too. I actually can't wait to hear all about it from her perspective. She's such a raconteur these days, though admittedly not always the most truthful, but still amusing. So yeah, I'm pretty sure she's going to come home from school with all kinds of things to show and tell me about. And although I don't think she'll have much trouble with the transition to being away from me, I do think it will be a new chapter for both of us. Apart from a few early caregivers and the occasional evening with a babysitter, Elisa really hasn't been away from me for much time at all. Certainly not in the last year and a half. And while part of me has cherished the chance to be with her, it's also been a real challenge to treat each day with new enthusiasm when they can all start to feel the same. Being at home with her has forged a strong bond and one that I know will serve us both well as we figure out what comes next. So rather than nervously dread the first morning at school, I'm actually looking forward to carving out some time for myself--however briefly--before this new baby arrives, and to seeing Elisa hit her stride in a new environment with new people to relate to. I'm excited for her, but also for myself to see her develop and interact with teachers and other students in ways I can't predict. What will Elisa the girl be like? Will I be shocked to hear how they perceive her? She is almost three and I'm finally ready to turn her loose. I think it's a sign that we're both growing up. And I'm hoping that as she starts to have more of a life outside of home and the world I've created for her, we will find a new spark in our mother-daughter relationship. As I've taken to calling her, she's my "big girl" now and there's no going back.

One more try...

Okay, people, if you didn't vote for Baby Girl #2's name, no more complaining. I must have picked the only week that most of my friends didn't read the blog. *Cough cough* So, now's your chance to tell me what you really think of our naming options. I've opened up the poll once again for another 4 days. Let's go. And remember, the comments section is always good for a write-in candidate! Woo hoo! Name away!

And the winner is...

So you may have noticed the little baby naming poll I concocted to the right here. With Elisa, we knew years before we got pregnant that it was a name we both liked and it was easy enough for both our English and Spanish speaking relatives to pronounce. Name done. If she had been a boy, we would have gone with Julian which was another name we both seized on and loved from the get go (and perhaps from reading it in The Shadow of the Wind). However, when we found out we were expecting another girl this time, we didn't exactly have a back up name already picked out. It struck me for the first time that we had to think about this name stuff, and of course, it opened us up to a world of possibilities. How to choose? I know naming a baby can be a very divisive family issue, but mostly, it just feels like such a responsibility. Every name has so many pros and cons, but really I just want one name to speak to me. I want to feel like I know this girl before she arrives, like I did with Elisa. It was such a beautiful name to me and I never hesitated to call her by it once she was here. And now we have to find her match. Her little sister who we already adore and can't wait to meet.

Happy Mom's Day

Nacho snapped this photo of Elisa and me before we drove him to the airport today. It was a very relaxing morning, noshing on donuts and hanging around the apartment before we had to say our goodbyes. Yesterday was such a calm, leisurely day capped off with dinner at our favorite Mexican joint, De Mole, that I really didn't need a big production for Mother's Day. We swung by the park on the way back from seeing Nacho off, and I got to spend a couple of hours chatting and hanging out with some of our neighborhood pals. Elisa was off and running and had a good time without needing me to watch over her too closely. It just felt like the day unfolded as it should and this girl's smile really warmed my heart. After all that exercise, she succumbed to her nap without much fight and I rested up myself. Even though we've had a few days of post-nap grumpiness, today Elisa was almost completely drama-free! I'll take it!

And yet as I look at this photo of the two of us, I can't help but think about what will come by next May. I've found myself getting a bit over confident lately with my mothering capabilities. On a date night a few weeks ago, I sat next to a table of newbie parents. The mother wouldn't stop making pronouncements about how they "never get out anymore" or how this was her "first glass of wine in a year!" She went on and on about how she still couldn't believe they had a real, live child and wondered aloud how their little girl's personality would develop in the coming months and years. It was all I could do to listen without offering up my own take on things. I sat there silently smug about having come through that trial by fire and having seen my little baby become a full fledged girl. Her questions and concerns seemed so naive to my wiser ears. Yet, even as I patted my belly and thought she might just be talking loudly for my benefit (perhaps thinking I was experiencing pregnancy for the first time--silly woman), a part of me realized that going down this road a second time doesn't mean it's all figured out. Far from it. I've had such a different pregnancy from the one I had with Elisa. Physically it's been harder with symptoms coming on sooner and making me more miserable faster. The swelling and pain in my legs is almost unbearable without compression stockings on all day, and I know I've got two more brutal months ahead. And although I feel fully immersed in motherhood as a lifestyle, I have no idea how to mother two kids. How will I juggle a preschooler and an infant with completely different schedules/priorities/temperaments? Hopefully by next Mother's Day I can answer those questions and the new ones I don't even know exist yet. I must remember to stay humble and accept that this new baby is not the same as the first one. Because if there's anything that becoming a mother has taught me, it's humility. Every single day. Not the easiest of paths in life, and now I can say not the best path for everyone. But for me, it's been a defining one. I am a mother and I love it. Not a bad thing to remember on a breezy Sunday in May.

Merry May

This month has started off with a flurry of activites and nice weather which makes every day go that much better. I knew there was a reason I love May. With temps in the 60s and 70s and lots of sunshine, Elisa and I have been getting out to the park most days for a least a few hours. And Saturday was no exception. Nacho found out late in the week that he could probably make it home from training this week on Friday and leave Sunday, so we were very happy to pick him up at the airport Friday night. After a nice leisurely breakfast on Saturday morning, we had not one but two parties happening at Sunnyside Gardens Park mid-day which was all the motivation we needed to get out and enjoy the beautiful day. First up, Zara and family hosted a gathering with good food and a chance to meet baby Kira, one of our second round kids in the playgroup...

And then there was the 2nd birthday celebration for our buddy Will. I met his parents Ann and David a while back at one of the local parks and it's been fun to see this adorable boy grow. Now he has a sweet little sister Claire who I'm sure will only add to the festivities in future years, but this one she pretty much slept through. I don't think Will minded one bit. We also met Will's cousin Maggie who will be three the day before Elisa this year. Funny how a coincidence like that (and her father is a Spanish-speaking Colombian and her folks met at Wash U. in St. Louis!) can make you feel an instant connection to the party.

The walk home was a chance to take in all the gorgeous flowers that are making the Gardens burst with color this time of year. I think my favorites are these Bleeding Heart petals that I only recently discovered. Kind of amazing, huh? I remember the spring I was pregnant with Elisa and how I really felt like that year I noticed and appreciated all the trees and flowers blossoming throughout the city in a way I hadn't before. Maybe it's the pregnant walk that makes you slow down, or just a feeling of being part of nature itself that lends itself to this kind of contemplation. But whatever it is, I'm feeling it again. And this time, I'm feeling really blessed that I have such a free spirited and curious little girl to share this springtime bounty with. Being busy is good, but having the chance to take it all in is even better.

Sunshiney Day

After all the rain yesterday, we were ready to get out and about this morning. Luckily my friend Jenny and her daughter Ella were up for meeting at Cannelle Patisserie, a local French bakery in Jackson Heights, not far from us and close to their new apartment. Since the first time I exchanged emails with Jenny, a fellow Sunnymom, I knew we would get along. We found out through a discussion on the list serv that we had had the same OB/GYN with our girls, had delivered just days apart, and pretty much suffered through the same labor story. Crazy, right? I think our first meeting was even at a bakery so I suppose we have a sweet tooth in common too, which always makes for a fast friend with me. Today was the perfect weather to go for a little treat and then a walk to a nearby playground. The girls weren't on their best behavior indoors, but they definitely knew what to do at the park...

And apart from Elisa trying to block Ella from climbing the ladder (what's with the control issues lately??), I'd say they got along great. Elisa has her moments of trying to dominate her playmates these days and it's increasingly frustrating to watch as she goes from her playful, cheerful self to a mean and nasty smacker trying to get other kids out of her way. Sometimes she just gets in a rut where she thinks everyone is after her toy or chasing her for some reason. Lots of shrieking ensues and it's hard to get her out of the loop and back on the playful cycle. When she self-corrects and moves on, it's wonderful, but all too rare. I feel like I should be seeing more of that as we get closer to three, but I'm not holding my breath. Since neither Ella or Elisa have gone to any sort of preschool this year, I'm curious to see how they will both deal with the upcoming changes. Perhaps on one of our next meet ups, Jenny and I can grab a coffee and pastry in peace while the girls are at school. None of that chasing and cajoling to sit down and behave. Just us talking and enjoying a morning. Of course, I'll need the next kid to sleep through this little kaffeeklatsch, but I can dream, right?

Here we go...

For the past couple of weeks, I've been in deep thinking mode about many aspects of Elisa's life. It's perhaps partly because I'm trying to anticipate how this summer will go as we head ever closer to my August 4th due date. There is the matter of getting her into a big girl bed (which has yet to be purchased) and choosing a preschool, not to mention potty training looming large over my head. And let's not even talk about her milk/bottle addiction. It's time. It's just time. And I know now this has been mostly about me, not her. I've relied on the status quo for my own sanity. So much about parenting is finding a formula that works and then wearing it into the ground. Rituals take hold and soon you forgot why you started them and begin to fear new ones. But it's time to enact some changes and see what happens. I'm finally ready and that's what has made this stage of planning so interesting and full of debate. So where to start?

Well, today at least I nailed down her preschool selection. Elisa will be starting three half-days a week in July at Amazing Magic Beans in Sunnyside. I'm elated. It's been a long process thinking about the options available nearby (because let's face it, I'm not hoofing it around the city with a newborn coming soon) and trying to weed them down to the right fit. I loved the atmosphere inside, the director's personable nature and honestly, the fact that the kids seem to be bursting with creative energy there. I also think that this is the time for her to explore and experiment and not be too structured. There are so many years of academics ahead. Why not enjoy this time to learn in a bit more progressive way? Having this piece of the puzzle in place, and knowing that we'll hopefully have a month (or more) of her in school before our newest addition arrives is just a great feeling. Ah, there...that's done.

Now on to potty training and getting that bed in place. I can do it. I want to do it, but I still don't know exactly how to dive in. Nacho left yesterday and I felt momentarily paralyzed by the burden. But then again, part of me has been waiting and planning to do some of these things during the six weeks that he will be in training because it feels like I will have more control over things. It's always easier to suffer the consequences when you are the only one doing so. If Elisa stops sleeping well without her nightly milk, or can't seem to stay in bed without a crib surrounding her, it won't be interfering with Nacho's work schedule. And I do believe that she is easier to discipline and deal with in general when she only has one person laying down the law. So now it begins...Wish me luck. More updates soon!

Spring all over

This is our last week with Nacho home for a while. Today he leaves for 6 weeks of training in Indianapolis and St. Louis, which means we've been trying to make the most of his days off and enjoy this gorgeous weather too. On Thursday we ran errands in the rain so as not to lose out on the rest of the weekend. Then Friday, we took the bus into the city for a little jaunt through Central Park in all its springy splendor. As we cut through the zoo area, I realized only too late that we were in for a few pit stops. Elisa completely freaked at the sight of Minnie and Elmo, pimping it out on the sidewalk. Two dollar donations later, we had some photos to remember it all by and Elisa didn't stop talking about her new friends the whole day. Cheaper than a trip to Disney World, right?

The park really was in full bloom with flowers and buds popping out everywhere. I've said that fall is my favorite time of year in the park, but something about spring and the flicker of warmer weather (just before the real heat kicks in) is undeniably beautiful. After a few runs down the stone slide at Billy Johnson playground, we sat on benches and snacked for a while just taking it all in. Elisa wasn't in the most cooperative mood for photos, but with all that space to run around in, I don't blame her. If Central Park is like our backyard, she truly feels at home there. And the bonus for me is, I don't have to tend the garden at all.

Crushes and other dangers...

My daughter has a crush. Bad. His name is Chris and he's the sweetest kid. The cousin of her friend Miles who patiently puts up with more 2 year olds than most 12 year olds have to deal with in a lifetime. Here they are at the SGP Easter Egg Hunt last weekend. Do you see how smitten she is??? Oy. Fortunately for Elisa, Chris is often at the park after school playing basketball or running around with his friends so she gets to spy on him several times a week. I knew we were getting serious when the other night as I put her in bed, she suddenly turned and said, "Mom, I saw Chris at the park today. He play basketball. He has blue shirt." I can just imagine the sweet dreams she had that night...

Between that and her serenading the entire waiting room at my OB/GYN's office yesterday with her awkwardly shrill rendition of Katy Perry's "Firework" (thanks to her earphones and my iPod), I'm in trouble. The woman next to me started laughing about half way through as she told me she just recognized the song Elisa was singing. And another mom half smiled and half grimaced as her slightly younger daughter circled near Elisa looking longingly at the iPod. "What is she singing?" she asked me. Uh...is this where I get judged? Hmmmm. It could be worse, I suppose. "Katy Perry. She's on all Katy, all the time lately," I said with a pleasant smile. She didn't really smile back, but was out of earshot before Elisa requested "Mom, I want Snoop Dogg" (aka "California Gurls") which prompted the other woman near me to laugh again and tell me she's a girl after her own heart. I don't know what's going on, but it feels like Elisa has grown 10 years in the past 2 months. This morning at breakfast, sitting across from Nacho, she starts a conversation with "so, Papa..." as if she were going to ask about her curfew that night. We just looked at each other and started laughing. Because if there's anything that I think will get me through these next few (okay, 16) years, it's humor. If I lose that, I'm really in trouble.

Happy Easter!

What a beautiful day to be outside! After our SGP Easter Egg Hunt was postponed yesterday due to rain, I thought it might not happen today either with scattered thunderstorms in the forecast. But man, was I wrong. What a gorgeous sunny day with temperatures in the upper 70s. I don't think we've had a day this warm all spring, so it was a bit of a shock to be at the park sweating as we walked around in long sleeves. Elisa didn't seem to mind one bit, though, since the egg hunting was a novelty she clearly enjoyed. Her first few eggs were looked at and pitched in the bag without much notice until I showed her the candy inside. Then the pace slowed down as she wanted to eat everything she found. A few more eggs discovered and then it was off to enjoy the park with her friends...

I'm so glad we made the effort to go. At first, I wasn't sure she would even get into it, and thoughts of racing around tripping over other kids was something I just didn't want to be a part of. But since the park divided up the age groups, it was pretty well controlled and there was enough space and eggs that she had a few minutes to leisurely stroll and find some hidden treasures. I kept thinking as Easter approached that I might get her a basket this year or at least color some eggs. But truthfully, I think we're still a ways off from those traditions since at this point it would really be all me preparing the crafts and trying to get her to focus. Maybe next year. I sometimes think I'm just not a crafty momma, and that maybe she'll be deprived of these early memories. But then I think about how many more years we have to do all these things and to really see her face light up when she finds eggs stashed around our living room. That was always a fun way to wake up when I was a kid--trying to beat my sister with the higher egg (and later dollar) count. And oh yes, the chocolate and jelly beans. I still remember my Papa (aka Grandpa) teaching me to stuff jelly beans in my mouth during the "ahhh-mens" of the Easter church service. For now though, I can just enjoy the few bits of Easter happenings that Elisa can partake in and hopefully in another few years we'll bust out the baskets and crotcheted white ponchos of my youth. Dressing up with my sister and parading about in a new dress and sandals was always a highlight of this springy day. And so I hope with my girls, it will be the same. And I promise not to dress them alike. Okay, maybe coordinating outfits, but that's where I draw the line. And for sure, chocolate bunnies all around.