SIX!

Wow. We made it. We managed to fly back on Saturday afternoon, drop everything, pull a birthday party out of our (collective) ass and spend the entirety of Sunday celebrating and not having a breakdown. Elisa almost made it the whole day without freaking out. Except maybe that one time. But seriously, it wasn't easy, and I knew it would take a lot of stamina. More than I usually have post-vacation. But it was important. I love a good party, especially a birthday shindig, so this had to happen. Thankfully, my friends were all there at the park ready to jump in and help with setting up and it all came together in the end.  And I really love celebrating on the actual day. So there wasn't much room for me to play with. Sticking to our birthday script, I suppose we could alternate and have the party on Carolina's birthday next year. Or maybe we'll split it down the middle and have two parties. Though there's something about these girls that seems like they deserve to have one another to help blow out the candles. Elisa was so kind to her sister today, though she definitely repeated, "But it's really MY birthday" a few dozen times. And it's true. It was. 

I did have to stop myself from screaming at her a bit this morning when she was too hyped up. Something about all this excitement in the air makes Elisa especially nutty and irrational. When the Lifeguard Barbie she'd been pining for finally arrived (on a Sunday no less--thank you USPS!), I had to watch while she figured out that it wasn't going to fly up and out and dive into the water like on the Youtube video she'd watched all week at the beach house. I told her I knew she was disappointed, but that was okay. "But I dreamed it would be like this," she said demonstrating. "And now it's not." Oh yes. I know. Life isn't always as we dreamed it would be. Parenthood isn't either, I wanted to say. But instead, I told her that I know that feeling. That dreams really are better than life sometimes. Sometimes what we dream is just way better than reality and there's nothing I can do to change that. I wish I could. I think it's an important thing to learn at six. I hope it doesn't crush her. 

With Elisa there has always been a feeling that she can never be satiated. Not as a wailing baby, nor as a whiny six year old. She wants more, more, more, and she is relentless until she gets what she wants. She can be sweet and bashful in her pursuit, but more often demanding and infuriating. It's hard to communicate with her when she's in that zone. I see that her crazy spells are getting shorter in duration and there's less physical agitation, but still, what I hoped would have subsided all together by now has not. I long for the day when she expresses gratitude without being scolded or shamed first.  I want her to understand nirvana--that beautiful concept of extinguishing desire. Not wanting more. Enough. We have enough. I suppose that's a lofty goal for this age--or any age if our society is any indication. But I'm going to try. I think this is the year Elisa needs to start some service projects. I have recently enrolled her in the local Girl Scouts group and I'm excited to see what that brings out. She wants to try hip hop in addition to her tap class. She wants to go camping and take gymnastics. She can almost do a cartwheel.  She has so much to offer the world if she can stop asking what the world can do for her. It's probably an age thing, but I really hope that this beautiful, sweet, loving girl will embrace her friends like she does her family. I hope she learns to see the value in giving.  We'll get there. It's been a big journey to six and I'm only just seeing below the surface of her moods. I just can't wait to see the rest.