Salad days

I had this idea for a post the other day in the middle of a morning while I was rushing around trying to get myself ready and organize a day for the family. I was doing my usual mad dash to get everything and everyone prepped so we could leave the house when it started to dawn on me that Carolina was already tired and it might not work to take her out.  But Elisa was really raring to get to the playground and it was looking like a nice sunny day.  Nacho was off work and I didn't want to waste his free time either.  I wanted to do it all. I wanted for all of us to go out and have some picture perfect day in the sun together.  I suppose in truth I was actually feeling bored and frustrated myself and didn't want to stay in and look at the little piles I've been shifting around the apartment for months or the dirty dishes in the sink.  For a while now I've been feeling like I'm just spinning my wheels around here. Every day is the same and I spend all my energy maintaining the status quo: a dirty apartment, food made-eaten-cleaned up, and kids cycled through eat/play/sleep routines all. day. long.  I just wanted to go somewhere.  Why was that too much to ask for?  And as I stewed in my anger and irritation, I realized that the solution was simple. Let Nacho take Elisa to the park while I made lunch for us and Carolina napped.  I would suck it up and stay home.  It wasn't what I wanted, but it wasn't the end of the world. Yet for some reason that day I just couldn't get happy. I wanted more.  I wanted to do something--be distracted from my life.  Time was ticking by and I needed to make a decision.

So I waved them off and put Carolina to bed for her second and final nap of the day.  She was tired and went down easy for me.  And in the space of about five minutes, I realized I'd made the best decision for everyone.  The pressure lifted.  I started thinking about lunch and pulled lots of little bits out of the fridge for our salad.  It was just a small task, but I really focused and it was amazing how my anxiety started to dissipate. I didn't feel so overwhelmed and irritated. I was busy rinsing and chopping and appreciating how good this meal would taste.  I enjoy working with food, and it was fun to let my mind wander.  And in that zen moment, I realized that life is so much like making a salad. Sometimes you get distracted with all the choices before you--the pressure to make everyone happy. What to do?  Where to go? How will everyone feel? [Because let's face it, at least half of parenthood is emotional management] Is this the right thing to do?  But when you narrow down the choices and work with what you have, what's right for you becomes clear.  Carolina needed to nap. There were two of us home to divide up the girls and let them each do what they should.  I just had to take one element at a time and break it down and suddenly life was more palatable.  Each ingredient was allowed to shine and that's just how the salad came together.  And it was delicious.