This is it

So many things are different this time around. I've documented some of the major stuff already: the pregnancy, labor and the fact that Carolina is a quiet, patient baby who seems to sleep and eat without all the fuss and craziness that Elisa brought upon us in her first three months. But really, I can't explain how much more I'm enjoying this girl as a baby. Sleep will do that for you. It's made me kind of sad though to think about how depressed and irritable I was with Elisa as an infant. It really wasn't her fault, but damn if it didn't feel like she was trying to kill me most of the time. Sure there were a few good days and moments here and there. But I went from the euphoria of bringing home a newborn to the dark and lasting fog of sleep deprivation and colicky madness in a flash and it was a long road back to the light. With Carolina, things are just smoother all around which makes everything better--some of which is because of my parenting skills but the rest is all her. She's just an easier baby all around. And even when there's annoying stuff like waking in the middle of the night to feed or unexplained bouts of crying (thankfully rare these days), I don't take it personally. It's the best she can do and that's good enough. This time I fully understand that everything is a stage and these months are already whizzing by me. Having said all that though, I'm still at a bit of an impasse. I think we're done nursing.

I wasn't sure how long I would breastfeed this time around. With Elisa, stopping around month 3 and switching to a hypoallergenic formula calmed all of her tummy issues within a matter of days. It was like I had a new baby--one I might actually like. But this time, Carolina had no problems with the mechanics of feeding and her very minor tummy issues faded after a few fitful newborn weeks. Nothing crazy, just the settling of her system and then we've been all green lights since. It's been a great run, but still I think I'm ready to stop. I know in this breast-is-best culture it's hard to stand up and say you don't want to breast feed anymore. Doctors recommend a year, most friends have gone well over 6 months and then there are the few still comfort nursing toddlers. It's a boob, boob, boob world. At least that's the way it feels sometimes. And that's all wonderful for moms and babies if it's making everybody happy. But for me, I can now say that even without a fussy baby, I'm ready to move on. I want to take the timer off my chest. Three hours...ping. Here we go again. It's a demanding schedule no matter how long you do it. Don't get me wrong--I've loved nursing both my girls and felt that deep connection to them straight away. And I'm truly sorry for anyone who wanted to nurse but couldn't. But after a few months of it, well, the magic is kinda gone. It's just chow time and honestly I'm tired of being the sole provider. So this time around I started weaning little by little. It wasn't the complete pull-the-plug-NOW move that I made with Elisa which effectively weaned her in about 3 days. No, this time, I'm taking it slow. But I'm definitely on my way. And I can tell I've made the right choice for us because Carolina is still a happy camper sucking those bottles down and I'm loving the break. Having Nacho give her a few bottles this past week has been such a joy. I've been able to cook and bathe Elisa and just carry on without feeling like I need to be two places at once. And no, I don't pump. I borrowed one the first time around and hated it, so this time I didn't even consider buying one. I just...I guess I feel like I've given this little girl a good start and it's okay to quit while you're ahead. I've made some meaty little thighs and I'm proud of that.