How to explain...

Yesterday on Motherlode there was an article entertaining the question why does anyone have children? Hmmm...good question, I thought. Why indeed. I should explain that it was really more a question posed by a young woman who wanted to know how people come to the idea to have kids when relationships and careers and well, life, can be so complicated without them adding to the mess. She wrote as a promising engineer who tried to apply some sort of logical argument to justify the need for kids. And we all know, it can't be done. Logic doesn't so much enter this equation as obliterate it.

This being the blog from the NY Times, the question solicited a good number of responses and I began wondering to myself if I could answer her question very succinctly. And then it dawned on me that if one has to ask why, parenthood might not be for them. I mean, I never asked why before I planned and conceived Elisa. I just knew I wanted a child and luckily that was all I needed to get me through the pregnancy and into the labor room. I wanted a baby and I wanted to experience motherhood. The fact that this wasn't a question for me was probably a good thing in hindsight. If I had known what was coming, I might never have felt ready. I love the line in the article from the author's OB/GYN which says, "When it comes to children, 75 percent certain means go for it.” I think that's about right.

After a month or two post-partum, I remember looking around at other moms and dads and kids on the street and wondering how they were all doing so well. And why were there SO MANY kids everywhere? Why did people have more than one and HOW did they do it? In fact, I wondered why there weren't more dead babies. Really. Living like a zombie momma was so isolating and the colic was so torturous that I felt at times that other kids must be much better than Elisa or their parents must be way more patient and loving. Now I realize it's just a stage and we all get out of it somehow. The bad news is that another stage is waiting, and then another. And pretty soon life is all stages and changes to the routine we thought we had down pat. Elisa turns 17 months old in a week and still when I meet up with other moms the conversation turns to sleep before all else. Are you getting it? Is she waking all the time? What do you do to get her down at night or for a nap? It's amazing that we adapted so quickly to this new life and haven't all run away in the night to destinations unknown. Why do we do it? And how do you explain to a childless person that it's all worth it?

As I thought about these things and played with Elisa during our very long weekend indoors, I felt over and over again that I was lucky to be part of her life. I know I brought her here, but in a way, I guess the beauty of parenthood is that if you do it right, your child eclipses you in a way. As you watch her grow and see all that you've offered her take flight, it's easy to answer the question of why. It's because I got a kiss from her today that lasted 3 whole seconds and when she hugged me before her nap, she let me hold her and rock her while sitting on the floor in the living room. The weight of her small body was crushed into mine and I couldn't go anywhere. And that was just fine. Why indeed.