Testing the limits

As promised, here are some pics of our delicious lunch in K-town today. We met up with Joon, a friend of mine from my last job, and it was great to see a familiar face and catch up on what we've missed. Six months have passed since I saw her and a lot has changed. We're both in new phases of our lives and it feels good to be free from the past. The relief was palpable. And the food! Did I mention it was all good and Elisa chomped away on mushrooms and broccoli? Yum. I wasn't brave enough for some of the entrees Joon suggested, but I've made a pact with Nacho that I will take him there and remember to order some of the dishes she described. I did try the little fried sardines and they were way salty and (as expected) pretty fishy. But it's nice to have the variety and Elisa sure wasn't missing out.

Afterwards, we wandered a bit and shopped in the heart of Herald Square. It's such a maddeningly busy area of town during the day that I felt almost like holing up inside the stores and not coming out until dark. But we were tempted back outside by the lure of Pinkberry just a block away, so off we went. I finally tried it topped with mochi (little gummy rice bits) that were divine. Elisa ate most of Joon's and mine too. Then she threw her spoon across the room. Ah, yeah. The temper. It reared it's head a few times today with fussy little outbursts, but I tried to keep rolling with things. It's hard to know when to draw the line sometimes, and when to just keep the momentum moving forward. As in, away from the drama she is creating. I worry that I'm too nonchalant about certain things, but sometimes the crazy toddler moment just passes and you realize it wasn't a "teaching moment" after all. I fully believe in the "pick your battles" approach to parenthood, but right now it's hard to know if these battles are part of a larger war I should be taking a stand against, or just the havoc that I should expect when this mostly non-verbal kid gets overly tired and cranked. Joon was great throughout and helped steer Elisa back to sanity when she was veering off course. And Elisa did manage to hang on for the ride home and was happy playing around for a little while. But by 7:00 p.m., she wanted her bed and nothing else. An early night to cap off the day of running around? Fine by me.

Weekend Update

Yesterday was the second swim class of the season and another huge hit. This time Papa got in on the action and was able to enjoy 30 minutes of splashing around while Elisa tried her best to follow his lead. She still seems to want to be there, despite any issues with sleepiness or being a tad chilly in the water. It was so funny to see her catch a glimpse of me behind the big glass window overlooking the pool area. I could see her saying "Mama, Mama!" and then chattering away and pointing. She was in her element. Later in the day, after Nacho's departure for another 4 day trip (ugh!), I decided to get out and about in the city. Elisa had another 3 hour monster nap post-class, so this was the perfect time to get out and stay outside for a while. We ventured down to Battery Park City which was lovely on a balmy Saturday afternoon. Uncharacteristically, I forgot the camera, so I'll just say it was gorgeous and we both enjoyed the variety of parks and playgrounds in the area. Must return soon. We had a nice dinner with friends in our neighborhood and then it was back home and down for the evening.

Doing it all on my own has become so routine, but still there are days when you just wish you had someone else to hand off to. I used to love Nacho's schedule because it gave us both so much space to do things on our own with these forced separations. But now, it's a different story. Sometimes, I go for broke and go out and try to do exactly what I would have done if he had been home. And sometimes that works. But often, it just makes me tired. So luckily, Elisa stayed down last night without a peep and I wisely got to bed early. It made such a difference today.

We hung out around home this morning and the mood was fun and not so groggy as in days past. I love feeling the energy to play. It really does take some imagination and stamina to keep up with this kid and it's nice when it feels effortless. Such a weekend of contrasts. I'm thankful that I have the space and time to reflect on this life I have now. It's hard to do when you're caught up in the hustle of work, which is why I love knowing that Monday is approaching and I couldn't care less. We had a great Sunday playing for nearly 2 hours at the park and Elisa took a late nap which made the afternoon flow straight into evening. So tonight I'm still missing Nacho and wishing he were home, but I'm not so exhausted. Now for lunch tomorrow in Korea-town...I'm definitely taking the camera along for that!

Girls (and boy) at play

This week has been a bit of a setback weatherwise, but we're still on target for a warm May according to the experts. So we enjoyed a little backyard sandbox fun with Birdie, Ella and Leonardo Thursday afternoon. These kids have grown and grown since last summer and it's crazy to see them all chattering away as little people. Elisa wasn't too sure what to do with the sand so she mostly poured it high above her head and straight into the grass. Don't worry, Amanda, we'll be back with a truckload!

Victory, then defeat

Earlier this week, Nacho's hometown favorite soccer team, Atletico de Madrid, won a European tournament and in doing so, made him a very happy fan. This is the team known more for suffering and messing up year after year, so the fact that they won a title was pretty impressive. Since Elisa has a jersey from Atleti, we felt it was only appropriate that she wear it again before she outgrows it. Here she is with Papa the morning after the victory...

We went out that morning for a little romp around the local park. It's always nice and quiet around 8:30 a.m. so it's fun to let Elisa have a good run around and then back home to nap. We ran into some friends who let us use their baby stroller. Elisa was in heaven.

Elisa didn't mind that there was no baby in the stroller. It was the constant pushing around and around that seems to please her most.

But of course all good things must come to an end. And sure enough, when it was time to leave the stroller and head home, Elisa flipped out. A nice tantrum always makes the naptime easier. Here she is in full meltdown mode:

As much as I love a victory, it's learning to deal with defeats that makes life so much more interesting, don't you think?

Jokester

With parents as weird as Nacho and I, it's true that Elisa never stood a chance. I remember a co-worker once exclaiming (after a particularly lewd joke I told) that she feared for my future spawn. Oh, she had no idea. Nacho and I probably only got cable so we could watch Comedy Central, and as parents, we're still a little too fond of cussing and talking as if Elisa wasn't in the room. I know it will change--and soon--but it's true that some things are just part of your DNA. So I wonder how much of a jokester Elisa is going to be. Since she invented her little staring game at 5 months old, we've seen that Elisa definitely has a developed sense of humor. Now as toddlerhood is in full bloom, it's also pretty clear that she likes getting my goat as much as her Papa does. He once took a photo of my exasperated face and saved it on his phone so he could show people how funny I look when I'm mad. Yeah, that's love. As for Elisa, she seems to revel in my displeasure lately and I try to make sure she knows when it's funny and when it's time to pack it in. Here she is today digging through her basket of clean burp rags, pulling them all out and driving me crazy with her grandstanding.

First the hand goes in and makes a grab for the whole pile...
See mom, I've got 'em and there's nothing you're going to do about it...
Oh, yes, these clean rags feel good against my skin...
And finally, the face that says, mom, I still love you...even if you won't play along.

Isn't she sweet?

It just dawned on me the other day that Elisa will probably want to read all about herself someday on this blog. As much as she already loves looking at photos and naming people in them, I hope she'll also inherit my love of writing and journaling. It's something I started in 3rd grade and have a box of some 20 journals to show for it. Now it extends to the internet and to my life as a mother, but it's journaling all the same. The paper has just been replaced. I wonder if she will look at these pictures and make up her own story of what life was like as a baby, now toddler. Will she read my words and understand how much I loved marking her progress? I think about the traditional sense of a baby book and the important milestones we are supposed to record (height, weight, first tooth, first word) and I think I haven't been very good about revisiting it and making sure it's all in there. But then again, I have written about her life (or my view of it) nearly every week since before she was even born. Not many kids have that and I'm excited for her to discover her childhood all over again through my eyes. And knowing her, she'll help pick up where I leave off.

Bringing her A game

Lately I've been trying to give myself more credit for knowing what feels right as a parent. I've always believed in a certain amount of intuition when it comes to relationships and I think the same applies to my relationship with my child. There are times when I can push her a little or change things up, and there are times when it's best to stick to the familiar and cater to her needs. This ebb and flow is part of the learning curve of all new parents, I suppose, and it took a while for me to get it. But when I stop and listen to myself, I usually know what will work best for us and yesterday was no different. I woke up too early and groggy for much planning. Wait for Elisa's nap and then think about the day, I told myself. So I did and I also took a little nap of my own. Waking up the second time, I was refreshed. I realized I wanted to stick with the vision of Mother's Day I had in my head: brunch, a walk in the neighborhood and then who knows. Even though Nacho was working, I felt like I was up for it on my own. So I got ready and by the time Elisa woke, we were off.

The first question was whether we hit the smaller restaurant I was thinking of, which might be too crowded, or try a bigger, less appealing diner I've thought about going to but haven't tried. Hmmmm...I thought about the day in my head and I wanted to go for the place I already knew and liked. Why not? What's the worst that can happen? We'll have to wait or decide to go elsewhere? As I approached the restaurant, I saw people standing in the doorway and thought it might not work out. And then *surprise* they could seat a table for two right away. Thank you, ma'am. So we had a seat and Elisa dove right into her pre-packaged meal as I weighed my options and sipped on a mimosa. This was unfolding just as I'd hoped. She smiled and flirted with the waiter, and I felt relieved as she seemed to thoroughly enjoy her view from across the table. Our first time dining together like this. A woman stopped by to tell me how cute Elisa was sitting there so grown up, and that her daughter (she pointed to the other side of the room) was 28 and she still had curly hair just like Elisa's. We wished each other a "happy mother's day" and I was suddenly wistful about the possibility of being that woman in another 26 years, hopefully having another nice brunch out with my little girl.

We breezed past the park, only stopping for a short while on our way back home after lunch. The weather had turned much cooler this weekend, and Elisa wasn't up for playing too long in the chilly wind. We came home and before long Elisa was acting ready to nap again. I didn't fight it or try to make her stay up longer. She went down without a peep, and I got another chance to rest myself. Such a lazy day, but I wasn't complaining. Sometimes you just need a day like that to conserve energy for the coming week. Over the last two years, I've realized it's not always easy or fun to be a mom. It's a lot more hard work and thankless tasks than I ever realized. How did I not see that as a daughter? But it's also true that there is nothing like it. No joy greater or satisfaction deeper than being part of a couple that brought this amazing child into the world. You give so much of yourself and you don't always know why. You just do it. And deep down, when I quiet everything else and hear that voice inside myself, I realize it was there all along, waiting to guide me. It's what makes days like yesterday feel destined to happen. Because it spoke, and I listened.

Happy Mother's Day

I'm spending the day alone with my girl today and trying to enjoy every minute of it. Even the waking at 6:15 a.m. Not easy, but then again she was so excited to chat while laying in bed with me. How could I resent that? I love Elisa's enthusiasm for everything the minute she wakes up. She wants to push the baby in the stroller, and jump on the bed and blow bubbles, and...the list goes on and on. But most of all, she wants someone to talk to. She gestures and points and makes up a string of babble that you know must have some meaning somehow. And I love that the more I get to know her, the more I want to spend time with her and try to unlock those nonsensical sentences and eruption of giggles after a really animated gesture. We miss having Papa home today, but I think we'll do something fun, just us girls. Brunch in the neighborhood, and then maybe hit the park. Lowkey but that's how I like it. If she's good, I might even let her buy me flowers.

Little Swimmer

This morning was our first experiment with swimming starting with classes at the YMCA. I wasn't sure Elisa would be thrilled about all the gear that goes with it, so I let her play dress up at home first. Here she is trying on her new swimsuit.

And now for the tricky part...all the kids (and adults) have to wear swim caps in the pool. I bought a cute fishy one that I was hoping she would like because of the design. Yeah, right.

After about 10 seconds of me cooing and oohing and trying to get her to like it (I even tried showing her in the mirror), Elisa was done with the cap.
One last yank and it was off!

Luckily, we had another cap that was bigger and stretchier (thank God for lycra!) and that seemed to stay put during the class. I was a little afraid of her mood going into this because she woke around 6:50 a.m. and was acting tired before we left the house at 9 a.m. But she persevered and we managed to get in the water (a comfortable, if cool, 85 degrees) and splash around for 30 minutes. When I first saw the class was only a half hour I thought I was getting a bit ripped off. But now I'm pretty sure that's all these kids can take. None of them seemed too thrilled about the water, but they mostly hung on. Elisa was chattering with blue lips after about 10 minutes so I did my best to keep her near and try to warm her up. She definitely likes the water and some of the activities were okay for her--a few kicks and a bit of back and forth to the ropes. When I had to practice blowing bubbles with my mouth to show her, she got it right away exclaiming "BUBBLES!!!!" Yeah, that's my girl.

Free spirit in the city

One thing I'm finding about being home with Elisa during the springtime is that when it's nice outside, it's hard to resist the urge to get out of the apartment. Usually it's just to pop out to the park around the corner or to run an errand in the neighborhood if Nacho is working. But when he's home, it's easy to plan a day around a walk through the city just like we did before Elisa (aka "pre-E"). So Monday, it was lunch at the Jackson Diner in Queens (where I hadn't been in ages), and Tuesday, we went in to Manhattan to stroll through Madison Square Park and then wandered towards Washington Square Park. I try to take some opportunities to let her walk around during these strolls because it's hard to be her age and sit and sit and sit. Her stamina is definitely improving and the other day she actually made it all the way back home walking after a long afternoon out and about. Sometimes she gets back in the stroller without incident and sometimes she needs a little coercing with a bottle and blanket. Yes, the bottle is still around. I'm working on it.

Here is Nacho playing the hip dad near Union Square:

Approaching Washington Square Park, there was still a lot of construction but at least the fountain was on.

As we waded through the crowds of students and onlookers, Elisa ran up to a group of musicians playing some 60s and 70s favorites. One of the older guys handed her a pair of maracas and off she went...

Hanging out at the square with Nacho was a regular after-work treat just a few years ago. And now I have someone else special to share it with which just makes a favorite spot more fun.

Maybe that's why it's so appealing to get out and be with Elisa in the city. Even when she's in a mood or has her crazy spells, she also has those moments of sheer joy and wonder about the world around her. I don't know what it would be like to be a kid growing up in this city, but I have to imagine that it's like stumbling into a movie some days and you can be part of an impromptu music session or splashing in a water fountain in the middle of a beautiful park. And for me as a mom, it's important to remember that this is all waiting for us if we just let it happen. Because it's easy to keep the routines close to home and the nap schedule that makes life so much calmer. But then you miss seeing your daughter dance the afternoon away in the sunshine.