To be honest, Spring Break was a bit of a roller coaster for me. There were a lot of nerves going into Nacho's job interview in Atlanta mixed with questions about logistics and travel that I wasn't sure about. Add in a couple of kids who have their own agendas and then sudden lack of schedule away from home, and well, you can imagine that it didn't all go down so smoothly. Which isn't to say that these pictures lie. They were absolutely radiant in their new Easter dresses which Grandma lovingly bought and had washed up and ready for them. Elisa and Carolina both know when to turn it on, and they gave me a good five minutes of uninterrupted photo taking, even if it did include hair bands-turned-bracelet accessorizing, a pink moto jacket four sizes too small, a stuffed animal acquired on a Target shopping trip, and some newly purchased sneakers that they just don't want to take off. They were great, the photos are beautiful, and I even managed to sneak in one that my sister so kindly offered to take. It felt like the birth of spring and I was loving all the sunshine and positivity.
But there were still plenty of moments that I wanted to delete from the week. The screaming/fighting/hitting each other usually over Elisa's taunts and Carolina's inability to control her temper. There was way too much sugar and candy which mixed with fatigue to make for a few powder keg moments. I haven't had a bedtime meltdown like the one I experienced at Stacey's house when Mia's boyfriend came over for dinner in a long, long time. Maybe never. I know the girls were both really wound up with all kinds of nervous, giggly energy seeing the young couple, but what happened after I told them it was time for bed was absolute mayhem. It was truly explosive and it wore me down. As did Elisa's rant over not wanting to eat dinner or go to bed at mom and dad's. She lost her shit and in the process ruined a whole evening for herself and us. It was too much, and it simultaneously saddened and angered me. Because like I told mom, she is so close to overcoming these episodes and yet, she cannot stop herself sometimes. And Carolina is still very much a three year old trying out lots of emotions, even if she demands that you say she's three and a half. She is testing boundaries all the time and wants more and more. Nothing is ever enough, and yet, she's much quicker to calm down and has a way of melting into acceptance that I can at least tolerate. With Elisa, I'm still struggling. So why all the negativity on such a pretty post? I don't know except to say it's where we're at lately. I want to feel like maybe the rush outdoors these past few days has given us all the breather we've been waiting for, and maybe there's hope that this summer will allow for some happier times. It's hard to see how well they get along at times (like playing in their room after school for HOURS today) and then watch them annoy each other to death over completely stupid things. But then again, that's sisterhood I suppose. And if there's anything I've learned it's that those bonds run deep in both directions. So love and anger might not be so disconnected. It's just time for me to get a bit of distance so I can survive the next decade or so. I have no doubt, they will team up against me soon enough. Those hugs already show me they know how.
