A year ago this week, I hit my low point as a new mom. I remember this because it was the first time since Nacho had gone back to work that I had Elisa alone for 2 days. At the time, two days on my own with a colicky, sleepless baby was like walking into a nightmare. I survived the first day on brief periods of sleep (45 min. here, an hour and a half there), but by nightfall on day two, I was done. The insomnia that had settled into my brain prevented me from even dozing while she did and then there were the fits of crying (for both of us), and then time for a feeding and then another...
It was all too much and I didn't know what to do. Luckily, I had a friend living nearby and being able to make that phonecall at 1 am to say, "please come sit with my child" was a lifesaver. It really was. I just couldn't take anymore at that point and being alone and feeling so incapable was the worst feeling in the world. Later I spoke to my mother about all of this and got some much needed perspective. She assured me that it would pass. That in fact, she had endured months of the same sleepless, colicky mess with me as a baby only of course, the screaming was worse. At least Elisa had periods of relative calm, even if they did last from dusk to dawn.
I don't think at that time I could envision life in a year. And now, I'm living it. Elisa wakes sometime between 7:00-8:00 am, and let's me fix breakfast while she relaxes in the living room and downs her bottle. Then she has her yogurt and toast or maybe eggs and waffles if she's nice. We play and dance and maybe head to the park after her first nap. She walks from room to room in our apartment following me or sometimes not, to find a new toy, a new space and then make it her own. Later it's lunchtime and another nap and after that a couple of hours before bedtime to snack and hang out. The spontaneous kisses and playful taunts to pick her up and swing her around are clearly signs of her affection. By 7:30 or 8:00 pm, she's down for the night and then I know the day has been a success. Whether it's day one or day four of a stretch alone, Elisa and I have found our groove together and life is good. It's the comfort of routine and her calmness before bedtime that makes me feel so peaceful at night. I wish there had been a fast forward button a year ago, just to take a peek into this new world. But then again, would I have believed it?
1 comment:
What a great reflective post! Keep up the good work, momma. You're doing a fabulous job. ; )
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