School stuff

Curriculum night this year was my first real chance to meet Elisa's teacher Ms. Miskin up close and hear her speak about the class and what they'll be doing this year. From the sounds of it, they have a good group--although a bit chatty (was she looking at me?)--and the kids are really starting to make connections and enjoy their status as the big kids on campus. I guess the first graders come back with a sense of knowing what the drill is and really showing off their newfound confidence. I hope this will be true for Elisa. After a sort of up and down Kindergarten year, I really hope she'll find her footing more this fall. Although if her hopes and dreams assignment is any indication, she just wants to learn gymnastics. Oh boy.

Week in review

Our second full week of Nacho being gone and I'm starting to lose track of how many nights the kids have had pasta and hot dogs for dinner. Oh well. It's life right now, and I'm squeaking through. In reality, the day to day stuff is going fine. We have a pretty good M-F routine going with the bus pick up and drop offs, Carolina started preschool T/W/F and LOVES it, and I'm slowly digging out from a pile of crap that seems to reproduce every night at midnight. I've already carted so much stuff to the basement that I feel like my apartment should be empty. But alas, no. It just allows everything else to spread out. Why is that? I was doing pretty good with tidying up the first week that Nacho was gone, but by week two, I have to admit things have been sliding again.  I found myself trying to use those beautifully carefree preschool hours for socializing with friends and even got myself a long awaited pedicure last week.  The apartment could wait. My mental health needed some adult conversation time and it has been a welcome change to have the time to really sit and talk. We've already cut back our time at Sunnyside Gardens Park since post-preschool it makes more sense to swing into Lou Lodati before heading home. Yes, I'm having flashbacks to this time three years ago and what it meant to have my mornings feel unscripted. And even then, I only really had a month before I gave birth to Carolina and those carefree mornings became time for a new baby. So yeah, I think I've earned a fucking pedicure or two. Amirite? 

Nacho made it home late last Thursday and left Saturday morning yet we still had time for a coffee date and ramen lunch

It's hard to describe exactly how all of this change makes me feel except to say that it's been a really emotional time. I find I'm happier than usual at some points just clearing out the apartment and having a new schedule. And then at times, I find myself feeling more worried the next few months with Nacho's new job, what I want from a work-life balance perspective and wondering where the girls and their needs fit into all of this. Sometimes I want to have a more steady 9-5 kind of office gig because I miss that normalcy (and paycheck), and other times I can't imagine trading in my freedom. Mostly the latter. It's been a great run these past 5 years being at home, but still, my next act as a photographer is one I'm still trying to come to terms with. And as much as I love doing it, I also know that it's something I will always do regardless of whether or not I get paid. So yeah, there's a lot to process and September is my month to embrace change and see what the rest of the year has in store for me, I suppose. Adding to the newness, I also finally got on the ball and got our landlord to fix up the walls in Elisa and Carolina's room. Knowing they would have to paint, I figured why not also add in a splash of color and so I let Elisa choose. She picked a light pinkish lavender shade called, appropriately enough, Monologue. Moving the room around on Friday night into Saturday morning was a bit of a pain in the ass, but the end result is amazing. It helped me see their space in a new way and just the fact that I put it all back together again on my own was empowering. The girls love it, and I'm finally able to feel like it's the way it should be. Now...on to the next project! Dining room redo?!

Never Forget

When I first saw the lights earlier this week, I was caught off guard. It somehow sneaks up on me every year. And yet, here they are again--peeking out from my daughters' bedroom window--lighting up the whole city and reminding us of that tragic day. It's been 13 years and yet, last night when I first went to the roof to shoot some photos, I was overwhelmed with sadness. It was the kind of grief that I can usually fight back, but not last night. I just felt weepy. And so I played sad songs and cried and made connections with so many others through my photos on Facebook. And that was what I needed, I guess. I woke this morning and felt much better. And then sunset came again and the lights. The lights were back. Only this time, the skies had cleared and they shone all the way up and through the cloudless sky. Like beams of pure energy bringing us closer to those we lost. How can we ever forget? I never will. 

September starts

So far we're off to a pretty solid start this month with school beginning and no Papa around to help out. Nacho took off at the end of August for a 6 week training course with his new airline and we're doing our best to make it feel like normal life. Of course, I'm not the most punctual person, so getting everyone up and dressed and semi-fed (Elisa eats at school) before 7:30 a.m. has meant I need to turn in sooner in the evening. Which means less time to let my mind wander and decompress from the full day. After a week and a half of that, I admit I'm pretty beat. But thankfully, there was a coffee date with a friend to perk me up and Carolina's first day of preschool at Amazing Magic Beans (AMB) to celebrate. Nacho flying home on a whim on Thursday afternoon was just the icing on the cake...

the girls were thrilled to see Papa after 10 days away...big hugs and lots of smiles

Carolina getting mad that her tower (or "castle") wouldn't go higher...it fell over a few times

And truly, I think this is just the beginning of Carolina's metamorphosis into a bona fide student. She is so eager and ready to talk and offer information that I can't help but wonder what kinds of things she will be explaining to her teachers. From what I saw today during my visit there (a mandatory 3 hour first day marathon which was totally unnecessary), Carolina is definitely more like her sister and knows how to grab attention when she wants. After taking to the stage and throwing herself down into a pile, she told Ms. Lauren that she was "sleeping" so "go tell them." Yeah, okay, kid. Whatever. And she was measuring up against the other girls in class today with a resounding "I'm BIGGER! I'm the princess!" to which a bunch of bewildered three year old girls had no idea how to respond. But she was also the fun loving, cooperative kid who helped guide her friend German after he had trouble starting the day. He was a little upset with his mom still there and when she left, he quickly got past any anxiety. He was ready to play. And Carolina was there to chase him up and down the slides, and to scare the teacher with him playing their version of a monster game. These two have become inseparable of late and it's beautiful to see. These are the little friendships that I remember Elisa having with Leonardo and others at this same age and they really grow with time.  Each encounter is laying the foundation of what's to come. And more than school itself I think this is what her year will be about. Getting to know her friends and herself and finding her place as the second Tortajada girl to walk those halls. 

Labor Day Wrap Up

After our Saturday in Central Park, I still had enough energy to plan another city outing on this holiday weekend. With Nacho gone it was only a question of where I wanted to drag the girls on my own. Fortunately, our friends Amanda and Max were also looking for something to do and when the idea of the Natural History Museum came up, they were game. So we trained it in, stopping at Shack Shake for lunch first, and met up with the Lefers around 1 p.m. at the museum. The kids were thrilled to have each other for company and off we went. Of course, I still remember Elisa's initial reaction to the dark, animal-covered exhibits of years past. She was barely two when we first took her there and she was not a fan. Even the dino bones couldn't make her smile. And I hate to say it, but not much has changed. She still cowered and dashed from room to room asking if things were "dead" or "real" and if the people were once alive. Deciding on our agenda for the day, the gem room came up and I thought it was an excellent choice. Who doesn't love pretty rocks? And they aren't even dead. So off we went and the whole crew had a great time.

Later after the museum, we wandered over to Max's parents' apartment a few blocks away to cool our heels and let the kids play. It was one of those hot, muggy afternoons that even I couldn't tolerate at a park, so I was happy for the offer. The kids tore into the playroom whipping out costumes and dolls, baby carriages and plastic figures with wild abandon. By the time the rain hit, we were high up and safely watching the torrential downpour soak the streets. A pizza and some snacks later and it was time to get started home. We took a detour to a nearby park to see how wet things were and then snaked home on not one, not two, but THREE trains (there were delays on the downtown 1). By the time we made it in the door, I was a touch past exhausted and sleep and staying home sounded pretty good for the rest of the weekend. But alas, we managed to make it to SGP for a Labor Day picnic on Monday. And that my friends is all you need to make your holiday weekend complete. It was another total sweatfest which meant I  wanted to simply sit and not move for several hours. And I pretty much got to do just that. The girls ran and ate and let me alone for a while, and in return I let them have two different ice cream treats. They were worth it. And hey, this being the last summer holiday, I figure we're back to real life this week....boo.