October birthdays

Within our playgroup, there are a few kids that didn't get the Summer of '08 Memo. No, they made their arrivals in the fall when temps and humidity are lower (thank goodness), and the backdrop of an outdoor party is a bounty of colorful leaves everywhere. This month we celebrate Miles, Kieran and Zara who make October shine, especially since they often let us dress up and join in the fun. We started with Miles' costume-friendly party in the park yesterday which couldn't have had better weather. The birthday boy donned a Viking outfit that fit in well with the number of fair maidens of all varieties.  Elisa saved her Halloween princess dress for the big day and opted for Punk Rock Pirate girl outfit instead. There were plenty of super heroes too and they proved their muster with a bunch of games designed to keep the party going. There was a Witch Run, Bobbing for Donuts, Mummy Wrap and lots of creepy feely stuff to gross the kids out.  Tim and Ladonna seemed to think of every detail which made the kids happy and the parents well fed.  Carolina ended up chewing on the severed hand which always makes for a good photo op. Yes, it was a great afternoon hanging out with friends soaking up the autumn rays.  

Letting the girls skip their afternoon naps might not have been my best idea ever, but I just couldn't pull myself away. Who wants to go home and nap when you're having such a good time? Of course, I knew we would pay for it later on, and true to form, after bedtime Elisa woke up three times screaming and crying. Ugh. This kid has so much trouble skipping her nap still. But luckily, Carolina stayed down throughout her sister's outbursts.  And in the end, they both slept through til 7:00 a.m.  Hey, I'll take it! So maybe that's the key to a good night's sleep...spend all day outside running around eating lots of sugary treats with friends.  It's always worth a try...

Bottle-less

I've been reticent to post this for a few days, fearing it would lead to a reversal of fortune somehow. But it appears we are finally a bottle-free household! Woot! After 4 long years...DONE!  Yes, the magic bottles that soothed both of my girls to bed many an evening are no more. Playtex VentAire Wide bottle I continue to sing your praises, but I will never miss scrubbing your multiple pieces and worrying if you are going to leak...again. We missed the boat when Elisa was a toddler and let her continue to drink milk from these. The ped said not to push it until 18 months which then turned into 24 months and by nearly 3, I was going slightly mad.  She rejected every kind of sippy cup with milk time after time, and it made me crazy to have to keep pouring it back in the bottle. But I did. It was our routine and she was a good sleeper and somehow I think I believed the milk made it so.  I was hesitant to hold firm and feared facing dire consequences.  So I bought every kind of sippy you could imagine to see if it would be the "one" and yet, none of them were. Until one day when she was almost 3, and I'd finally really had enough. I found another new sippy cup and promised myself this was it. And it worked. I didn't cave, Elisa kind of bought that it was a "big girl" cup, and we never looked back. Even when she saw her little sis start drinking from the same bottles she had used just months earlier, Elisa managed to distance herself from them. Those were for "babies" after all.

And now with Carolina, this transition has been another example of her mild temperament. She has been going between the sippy cup and bottle (with milk) for a few months now, and last week I decided to go cold turkey. She really didn't seem to care, only acting a bit off a few times when I would approach her with the new sippy cup in her crib. But after a couple of days with only the sippy for bedtime/naptime, I'd say we are done. No more bottles. Ever. Again.  And who knows if I could have succeeded earlier with Elisa. She definitely screamed and cried and rejected the sippy from Day 1.  But Carolina just gave me a look like "what's this?" And then, "oh, okay, it still has milk."  It was a gift I wasn't going to overlook, and so I took my chance and now she seems fine with this new phase. 

And I haven't even mentioned the paci yet. We managed to forget her pacifier on the trip to North Carolina at the end of September. I realized it about mid-way to the airport and let myself think through a few scenarios first before panicking. It was true she had been fighting taking the paci for a few weeks by then. Starting this summer when we were in Spain, she really didn't want it after finishing her milk. It might help to calm her down if she wasn't sleeping well or needed a little push to fall asleep. More often than not, though I would just leave it in the crib and find her playing with it or sucking on it when she woke up. And then we forgot it. We only had one paci by that point and the thought of buying a replacement kind of annoyed me. So again, we went cold turkey and Carolina was fine. We had to give her a little more milk and a bottle a couple of nights, but she seems to have moved on from needing the paci to soothe herself. It's almost as if now I can't remember her ever having one. So that's it, I'm just writing this all down so I can remember how it happened and how much easier it was this second time. And really, thank God for that.

The mom stays in the picture...mostly

Last week an article ran on the HuffPost Parenting blog that caught my eye. Something about moms and taking more pictures with our kids.  At the very least we need to be documenting our existence and maybe even some of the better times we're sharing.  It seemed a given to me--a photo-obsessed mother by my own admission--since there are so many times I want to remember things with my photos. Of course I have to be in them too occasionally.  Why was this blog worthy, I wondered?  And then the article started blowing up all over my Facebook page with so many shares and comments from people around the country. It had really struck a nerve and the general consensus was that moms don't do this because of their body image issues. They don't like seeing themselves and their imperfect bodies after the toll of motherhood has begun.  And part of me sympathizes with this. Nothing is the same after pregnancy and years of sleep deprivation mixed with toddler dieting (i.e. polishing off plates of untouched food).  My weight may be within a 10 lb. range of my pre-baby self, but nothing is in the same place and my eyes haven't stopped puffing up every morning since 2008. These things do not make me happy, but they don't define me either. I think the key here is to do something about how you present yourself and not just fade into the background.  I still love my morning shower and quiet time to slap on some moisturizer and make up. I rarely go more than two days without using a curling iron even when I'm not scheduled to be anywhere. I like the way I look when I put in that effort.  I do this for myself.  And honestly, it makes seeing myself in a photo a little more palatable.  I still delete way too many photos of myself and ask for re-shoots. (Editorial control is one of my weaknesses). But I get that you need to be in the picture--not only literally, but also metaphorically. Being present and being accessible is one of the hallmarks of being a good mother, in my opinion. And allowing yourself to be captured this way is just part of the package. 

Having said all this, I also think it's important to know how to be "in the picture."  I'd like to think that maybe part of the confidence issue with some moms is really ignorance about how to achieve a good photo. I'm constantly snapping pics and over the years, I think I've developed a few guidelines which help me like the results a bit better.  It works for taking photos as well as being in them.  People often tell me I'm photogenic which is always nice to hear, but really I think it says I can relax in front of a camera. It's not that I look better or worse than others, but I don't fight it.  So here are my Top 10 thoughts about how to stay in the picture and maybe even like what you see:

1. Please smile. We ask this all the time of our kids. Shouldn't we be doing it too? Smiling is key to a nice photo, and if it doesn't happen naturally, practice it. Seriously.  I think the friends I know who hate having their picture taken and complain that they always photograph poorly are not willing to play with the medium and find their best expression. It doesn't need to be a cheesy grin or canned, squinty smile. Something in the middle where you smile with your eyes and feel it radiate out always looks good. And studies show if you smile a lot, you actually feel better.  What's better than that?
2. Cropping is your friend.  Although I might be playing into some of the negative body image issues, I have to say I really love head and shoulder shots.  You don't need a full body shot to be "in" the picture. As Nacho knows well, I love to say to my photographer, "Get closer. Okay, closer still."  And if your arm looks a little meatier than you like, crop half of it out of the frame if you can. Take the distracting elements out of the view and focus on the smile you have or your child's expression.  Closer shots are almost always better. 
3. Take a lot of photos. Take 100 and delete 95--this is the beauty of digital cameras. You aren't wasting anything so take many more shots that you think you need. Play with your expressions and where you are looking. Sit and then stand.   When I photograph a party or an event, I take upwards of 400 photos sometimes. Maybe 50 of them are good. This is a pretty constant ratio, so keep at it and you'll get a few photos of yourself that you like.
4. Facetime can get ugly.  Smart phones and web cams are not the best cameras. As much as I love my phone and laptop for having pretty great little cameras embedded in them, I know these are not the best for portraits. These lenses distort facial features much more than a regular camera--noses look bigger, chins weaker, and skin can look blotchy and sallow.  It's not a pretty picture. Hearing that nose jobs and chin implants are on the rise because of all this is not surprising. So don't leave your "real" camera at home all the time. Take it along and turn it on yourself occasionally. The portraits will be less distorted and more pleasing.
5. Angles matter. In photography, everything is about perspective.  Raising and lowering the camera can make a world of difference. Make sure the camera is not below chin level when you are facing it or else you're likely to get a very bad angle on your face.  The higher the camera, the better the angle pointing down slightly at your face. Cheek bones look better and double chins disappear. Try it. Find your best side (most people are NOT symmetrical and faces really do have different sides) and move yourself around in the frame to accent it when you can.  
6. Stay calm and carry on.  So many times when photographing kids, I see parents trying to talk and distract the kid into smiling. There's lots of awkward arm flailing and grimacing.  This never looks good on film and it makes the photo seem more chaotic. Try to project a Zen calmness even if you aren't feeling it and let the kid do whatever they are going to do. Don't struggle. Look at the child and smile. Sometimes those photos are better than the ones where everyone's looking at the camera. Mostly, let the photographer talk and try to get the kid's attention. Amazing how that helps. 
7. Ask someone to take your picture. If I waited for volunteers, I might never have any photos of myself with the kids. If you are used to taking all the photos, giving up control can be hard.  Also, I think sometimes people assume I just take all the photos and that I don't want to be in them. So I have to remind myself to take the camera off and hand it over to whomever I'm with. Some of my favorite pictures happen this way.
8. I love a little flash.  Okay, confession time...I take most of my photos using natural light because light is key to good photography. But when I have my own picture taken, I really prefer it with a flash. I like the way it smooths out some of my features and fills in my little wrinkles. Vain? Sure. But at least I'm honest. So maybe take one with flash and one without. Then decide which one you like better. And if you are indoors with minimal light, use a flash and don't let bad overhead lighting ruin the shot.
9. The best camera is the one you have with you. Simple, right? But I think it's easy to forget a camera or assume you won't need it when you aren't planning on going anywhere important. But really just taking your camera out of the bag is half the battle. So don't let it collect too much dust. And besides, kids grow so fast. A few photos every month and you'll be amazed how much difference you see when looking back.
10. Time gives us new perspective. Look back at a photo of yourself from 10 years ago--or 20. I bet you didn't like the photo much then, but now it's surprisingly not bad ("so young! so thin!").  I remember thinking I was a bit pudgy in high school and now I can't imagine the joy of fitting into those same jeans.  If only I could have appreciated it a bit more.  The truth is that we will never be this young again so take more photos now.  Go ahead and make your future self jealous.  

Hanging out in NYC

As much as we love our city, we really love having visitors to show around.  So when my college friend and former roomie Maggie suggested bringing her daughter Anna for a little girls weekend, I was more than game.  It had been over two years since our last visit on their home turf in Downers Grove, IL, and I think Elisa and Anna have both done a lot of growing up in the meantime.  It was a good time to meet again and see how they would hit it off.  Of course, this weekend was a long time in the works, and the summer passed without us making plans. But fall is perhaps even a better time to see the sights and so they made the trek from Chicago on Saturday and left Monday afternoon. It was a whirlwind weekend in the city and I think we did a pretty good job of hitting the highlights... 

Yes, Day #1 was a good introduction to things. We met Maggie and Anna at our local park for a little time at Oktoberfest before heading home to drop off their suitcase. With just a few minutes to rest and refresh ourselves, we dived right into the city catching a bus to Central Park. It's one of my favorite ways to greet the city and I think Anna was impressed with all the rocks. She's a natural climber and showed Elisa a few tricks about how to get back down (not our strong suit).  After a little wandering around through the zoo area and Billy Johnson Playground, we grabbed some ice cream and made our way out towards the Plaza and our final destination--FAO Schwarz.  The best toy store in the world? Who knows, but to these two girls it was a definite world unto itself. After playing the Big Piano and picking out a few new toys, we headed back home to rest up for the marathon of fun I promised them on Sunday. 

You never really know what the weather will be on any given visit, though the fall can bring some pretty dreary, wet days occasionally. So seeing rain in the forecast on Sunday wasn't great, but we had a city to conquer.  With Nacho off work and staying home with Carolina, we prepped the girls for a day sloshing around and it turned out to be better than expected. The rain stayed light for the most part, and we spent the morning at The Met running around the Egyptian rooms and Modern Art wing.  There was a fair amount of moaning from Elisa, but luckily Anna was a good sport throughout the museum.  Maybe this is due to the year and a half difference in age? I'm hoping so, because Anna was a trooper all weekend. Either way, it's a lot for little bodies to be walking and standing all morning, so we wrapped things up around 12:30 p.m. and headed to a nearby diner for lunch. You know it's really the Upper East Side when you pay $19.95 for chicken tenders and fries (yikes!), but hey, the lox and bagels were delish according to Maggie and Anna tackled her cheeseburger like a pro.  With food in our bellies, we took advantage of a stop in the rain and crossed through Central Park on our way to Magnolia Bakery on the Upper West Side. The park was still quite green and lush and it felt like a little oasis on such a gray city day.  Stopping briefly at Bethesda Fountain was a nice backdrop before cutting through the Ramble on our way out. You really do need motivation to keep kids this age on the march so the cupcake treat awaiting them at Magnolia provided just the right incentive.  And let's be real, I was more than happy to oblige Maggie's request for a sweet something there. I mean, I've never met a cupcake I didn't like and Magnolia is a New York institution.  We made Times Square our last destination of the day and it was just a brief walk up Broadway for a few blocks to see the lights and feel the energy. I definitely understand the need to see Times Square as a visitor--there really is no other place like it--but as someone who lives here, it's always a bit annoying to me. Too many people, too many panhandlers. Too much going on. Which is why I think Anna loved all the hubbub and Elisa screamed bloody murder about a man dressed as Batman who seemed to be following us. Only in New York, kids.  We rounded out the evening with a quick dinner and early bedtime for the girls and sushi take out for us. Not a bad way to cap off a rainy ol' day in the city.

Our final day, Day #3, with Maggie and Anna was really just a morning, but we still had to make the most of it. We got up and ready and headed back into the city and straight to the highest spot--the Empire State Building. It's such a landmark and deservedly so. The girls were a bit impatient about the whole process of lines and multiple elevators, but they hung in there and by the time we made it outside on the 86th floor, I think they were happy to see the city from such a bird's eye view. It's not one of the most kid-friendly places in reality--the views are almost all obstructed for kids and we were admonished by security a couple of times for helping them sit up higher or stand on the viewers.  I don't get it, but I suppose the idea is not to let anyone look like they might climb the insanely high fencing. Luckily, there are a few spots that provide a lower railing and so Elisa and Anna were able to get a good view until the next tourist bumped them out of the way. Something about these spots filled with so many people makes everyone a bit more rude.  Having Carolina in a stroller made me more sensitive to the jostling, no doubt, but really, I'm just always amazed by how much you have to fight your way into places like this.  We packed it in after just a little while and scampered back down to the ground for a quick coffee and some macaroons before catching the bus home. Ahhhhh...another successful outing and one I hope Anna remembers fondly (without all the lines and waiting). 

Yes, it was a short weekend filled with lots of amazing sights.  And sharing it with two people we don't get to see nearly enough made this very special.  Thinking back to when I met Maggie during my junior year of college in Kirksville, MO, I don't think I could have ever predicted I would be meeting up with her again in New York City with our daughters in tow. She has been not only a friend to me but also a great support in the early days of motherhood and beyond. She began her parenting journey just enough ahead of me that I could always look to her to see what was next. And she's done it all with more grace than I could muster.  We also share a love of blogging and of seeing how connected the world can be with just a few pictures. I'm grateful that we continue to make time for our friendship and I hope we will do this kind of trip again in the near future. Only I think it's our turn to travel and meet them in Chicago.  And maybe we'll let the boys join too.

Oktoberfest Time Again

Somehow October started and I wasn't yet thinking about all the activities usually crammed into this month.  First there is always Oktoberfest at Sunnyside Gardens Park which means pumpkin patches, lots of activities and food. It was the first time I'd been asked to photograph specifically for the park and wouldn't you know it, I also had company coming from out of town that day. Nothing like really trying to cram it all in. But thankfully, my guests Maggie and Anna were very accommodating and met us at the park. Yes, it was the first stop on their whirlwind NYC weekend and of course, it didn't disappoint. With Nacho working it was a bit much on my own to deal with both girls and take pictures, but I managed with some grace and a few extra hands.  Everything was kind of on hyperspeed since the pumpkin patch was small and a bit chaotic and Elisa found hers on the first try. She was done and Carolina was not interested in posing or picking out a pumpkin. In fact, she was more keen on chucking them in the air shotput-style which didn't bode well for the pumpkins.  So we moved on to pumpkin painting which was worse--the tables were way too crowded and with no room to maneuver, Elisa then proceeded to get paint  and glitter all over herself.  Yeah, it was already giving me a headache but then these things sometimes do.  I managed to get a little breather once I sat down with friends to eat. A hotdog and beer usually helps, and of course seeing a few familiar faces helped too.  We didn't have time to stay for the musical acts or try the mechanical rides, but maybe next year will be better for us.  Carolina only wants to wander these days and without an escort it was impossible to do what I needed and let her enjoy the day too. Thank goodness for strollers with snack trays and a patient toddler. She hung in there just long enough for Elisa to paint and do a sand art pumpkin and then we were off. Another Oktoberfest down and I think I'm ready for whatever else the month has in store...as long as there's beer. 

Apples and oranges

Sometimes I look at Carolina and I don't know who this kid is. I mean, she looks a little like that baby I took home over a year ago, but man, has she changed especially lately.  And when I start to think back to Elisa at this age, there is just no comparison. Elisa was still a baby on the verge of toddlerhood. She didn't climb onto the couch and bed and scale tables and other furniture. She couldn't pivot and get herself down or take a spin on a tornado slide like she was born to do it.  She wasn't trying to use a fork and shrieking when it wouldn't work. Where Elisa eased into her toddler phase, Carolina seems to have just dived right in and there is no stopping her. It's apples and oranges to compare any two kids, but with these girls, it's really hard to stop myself. They are so similar in some of their mannerisms, and yet Carolina is so different and so much older than her 14 months.  She still has more patience and stays quieter than Elisa ever did. And I love that when she gets really tired she just gets punch drunk and silly. I can't recall that ever happening with Elisa.

She is getting bigger every day and learning something new at such a rapid pace it makes me realize the next 6 months will be such a leap forward. She is so close to actual talking with all of her noises and ranting. And I have to call it ranting because when she wants something, this girl knows how to ask for it. Today at our friend Gina's house, I picked her up to go and she let out a stream of toddler obscenities that I clearly understood. She had seen an apple and she wanted it. Bad.  I laughed and asked if we could take one and of course this delighted her to no end.  She had communicated successfully and she walked and ate, and waved that apple around like a champ.  Yes, Carolina may be the little sister, but she is quickly catching up.  It was one of my "can't wait for" moments to see her chase her sister and now I get this honor every day.  I love it.  I love the way she follows her and imitates Elisa with such finesse, except when it involves crying. There's still too much of that coming from the big girl these days, and when Carolina joins the bandwagon it can drive me batty. But when they are laughing and playing and being so sweet to each other, I have to pause and record that moment in my brain. Today Elisa thumped down on the couch upset about something and in a flash, Carolina was leaning down peering into her face with a smile and a squint as if to ask "why are you sad, sister?" Elisa couldn't help but laugh and hug her sister, and it made the whole moment lighten. I think we all need a contrast to our personality sometimes and luckily, for my sake, Carolina offers that. I know I'm always racing ahead to see where things are going to be in another year or two, but I have to admit that for the first time, I'm kind of happy where we are. It's getting better. Every day.