Checking in

As we creep closer to the 6 month mark, so many things are on my mind. Like when will Carolina sleep all night without waking to poop or babble between 3-6 a.m.? At what point can I try to move her into Elisa's room so I can take back my bedroom and sleep better myself? Is there ever a "right" time or do I just go for it? I remember thinking that by this point I'd probably move them in together, but the closer we get to 6 months, the more I think it's not the milestone I'd hoped it would be. With Elisa, things felt so much easier at 6 months. Her colic was almost a distant memory (relatively speaking) and we were managing her days and nights with greater ease. I was working again and things were starting to fall into place: it was a new life and I felt more confident in it. With Carolina, I've felt much more comfortable overall since Day 1. She has been a thousand times better as a baby which made life feel less disrupted. But the truth is, having a baby is limiting no matter how great the kid is. We can't spend all day out of the house without lots of planning and organizing food (how I hate bottles again already). And if we mess with her established naps, it's going to be a long night. So far, she's had way more colds and sniffles than Elisa did which I guess is to be expected. All those preschool germs have to go somewhere. This week it's turned into a deep cough which has me worried about our upcoming flight to Spain and whether or not she'll get worse before she gets better. I'm really hoping this clears up on its own, but that's another thing we can't predict. So we wait and in the meantime, I'm trying to get Carolina back on a routine with naps that doesn't require so much handling. Just in the last week, she's started crying again as we put her down. For a few weeks, we were getting off easy with just a couple minutes of feeding, swaddling and then boom...to sleep! But now I'm re-reading Weissbluth and trying to get things under control before our long flight and jet lag throws us into a tailspin. It's always something...

And if the weather was unseasonably warm earlier this month, it's gone to the deep freeze lately. Park time is a rarity and Elisa misses it so much. She always asks if we are going outside or if her friends can come over. She feels the indoor captivity as much as I do in the winter. We've had a pretty good run of it with her diaper-free days although occasionally there's a fight over pooping in the toilet. Seems that when she's really constipated, she won't go and waits until she has a pull-up on at nap or bedtime before she'll poop. We were out having a great Vietnamese lunch last week and everything was going so well. And then Elisa slid off her chair, hunkered down on the floor and made that face that I know too well. Luckily, I knew better than to let her wear underwear to the restaurant since she'd been complaining about needing to poop all morning long and kept refusing to sit on the toilet. And she was so relieved when I took her to the bathroom to clean her up without reprimanding her for going in her pants. It's been harder for me to give Elisa that little bit of extra patience lately, but that day I had a moment of grace. Something about this age makes me feel like she should know better about all sorts of things when in fact, she really doesn't so it's me who gets frustrated beyond my limits. I have found myself yelling a lot lately and that never feels good. Elisa pushes all the wrong buttons some days and it's her own short fuse that makes me crazy. She has no patience for anything and no one can help her. I saw an article titled "How living with a toddler is like being in an abusive relationship" and I didn't even need to read it. Oh, I got that. I live with a controlling monster and she's only three years-old. So who's fault is that? I told Elisa the other day during a particularly rough moment trying to get out the door that this family is comprised of four people now. And she is not the boss. I want her to know her place and to be secure in the sense that we love her, but we are not going to be walked all over. Finding that balance has been harder and harder lately, but I'm trying. Fortunately, we have a very patient girl in Carolina which makes dealing with Elisa at her worst so much easier. And hopefully as we approach 4, things will start to mellow a bit. I know I could use that.

So that's the update...the long and the short of it. Most days I feel very blessed to have these two girls in my life and to be at this place where I can spend so much time with them. They won't always be this young (nor will I), so I should try to embrace the weeks and months of changes as the time ticks ever onward. It's not easy and there are many moments I wish I had a desk job where I could sit and stare out a window while I gulped down lunch**. [**Yes, I do realize the grass is always greener]. But mostly, I am glad I have such a hardworking husband who makes all this possible. He has just finished a difficult year with lots of transitions at work and he never complains. That's my job. ;) But we both know that time is a luxury and we have to be thankful that we are able to take this trip to visit relatives and friends abroad and share these girls with the people who love them. They deserve that and much more.