Hunger Strike

I would start with a countdown except that I have NO idea what day we're on in this current hunger strike. Elisa seemed to eat a bit better when we first got to North Carolina, but over the week, it all slowed down. At first, I thought maybe she was constipated and then a bit under the weather. But still, when she won't even eat fruit, I know we have a problem. Except that I keep hearing and reading that it's just MY problem. That in reality, she will eat when she's hungry and right now, she doesn't have an appetite. I try offering more and different foods, taking the untouched portions and saving them for another audition on her plate. But apparently, she's on to me because she looks at leftovers with a kind of icy disdain I would usually reserve for Fancy Feast. It ain't pretty.

So just to recap, today Elisa ate the following:

- one bite of Eggo waffle

- two ginger snap cookies

- one bite of banana

- one complete cheese stick (hallelujah!)

- 8 or 9 green beans

- 1/4 of a piece of bacon

- 2 dried apricots

- 1 date

- 10 or so veggie sticks (puffed chips)

Seriously. That's it. Apart from her bottles and a couple ounces of diluted apple juice, this girl has turned her nose up at more food than I care to recall. I guess it's just difficult to remember that food is not the only nurturing I give her. Perhaps my food=love equation could be the beginning of years of therapy for her, but I really have a hard time not feeling hurt when she won't eat. It's as if I am doing something for her and there is such a sense of rejection on top of her pile of scraps. It's stupid but deeply rooted in my maternal instincts to provide sustenance. Beyond that, I'm also worried about her health and her weight and whether she is getting enough nutrients out of the few things she does eat. It's a weirdly stressful situation. So I have to tell myself that it's a phase, and she won't wither away. And in the meantime, try to fix food with no expectations. Is that possible? I'll keep trying anyway.

Homecoming

We made it back to New York last night in the cold unwelcoming rain. It felt like we'd gone back in time with the wintery temperature and heat pumping out of the radiators. What happened to spring and all that sunshine we had last week? Maybe that's why Elisa had a fitful night, waking several times and taking a bottle around 4 a.m. I knew she hadn't eaten much on the way home, so I figured part of her waking was hunger, and luckily, she stayed down after that early morning snack until almost 9 a.m. That's a good two hours more than her "normal" schedule so I was able to wake up and have breakfast and read some news before she made a peep. That was a nice way to jump back into our routine. Before we get too far into the week, I wanted to post a few more pics from our week with the family. We miss them already.

Mia, Elisa and Grandma enjoying some delicious fried seafood at Jordan's in Emerald Isle, NC.
Elisa and I having a good time running around the yard and collecting wildflowers.
Elisa showing Grandpa how to throw a frisbee.
Catching bubbles in the yard--a new favorite pastime.

Last night in NC

Last night we celebrated Dad's birthday with dinner at Las Fincas in Swansboro and a chocolate cream pie and presents at home. We spent the afternoon shopping up on base so of course Elisa was well worn out by the time we pulled into the restaurant. She actually fell asleep in the car just as we were hitting town. I opted to stay put for a half hour and let her doze in the hopes it would make the evening go that much smoother. Unfortunately, it didn't make her any better at the table, where she wanted only to play with the straw in my margarita and attempt to throw herself from the highchair. That's the problem with eating out these days--sometimes she is an avid eater content to watch others and sit nicely, but more often, she is tired, bored and wants only to get down. Thankfully the food was great and we all snarfed it down fast enough that the tyrant didn't have long to wait. Back home to run around and play with her cousin Mia for one last evening.

Stace, Mia and Jordan enjoy some family time on the couch.
Helping Grandpa blow out his 62 candles (okay, just six and two in reality).
Mom cleaning off the whipped cream-laced candles one at a time...

We're packing up today and planning to catch the 7pm flight back to New York City. It's been raining steadily throughout the morning, so I'm wondering how delayed things will be tonight. If we get two good naps in before we leave this afternoon, it might not matter. But of course, there is no way to predict. Seeing Elisa hug and squeeze and generally assault her "Mimi" this morning as she tried to move her from bed was worth every bit of the hassle of traveling here. I think with each visit, Elisa recognizes family more and develops new ways to communicate with them. Even her bedtime ritual of kissing everyone and waving has become a weeklong routine that hopefully we can look forward to the next time we're here. Saying goodbye isn't easy, but with the warmer weather just around the corner, I hope we'll be back soon. I'm sure Elisa does too.

Beach Day

Yesterday was a mild 75 degrees so we had to get back to the beach. This time we headed to Emerald Isle, NC where we got married nearly 7 years ago and where we like to rent a beach house in the late summer. There weren't too many folks out enjoying the weekday tide, so we walked up a bit and let Elisa dip her toes in the cold water. She loved it. Can't wait til it's really warm and the water feels as good as it looks. Ah, yes, bring on the summer...

Sweet Sixteen

Yesterday was my nephew Jordan's 16th birthday. I remember being a freshman in my second semester of college when I got the call that he was born. At that time, I had no idea and really no interest in hearing about pregnancy or newborns. It was as if this happened magically, without the months of changes and instant transformation to motherhood that my sister went through. I didn't get to see him until college was out in May and even then, it was a brief introduction to the demands of a small baby. I was heading to Europe for the first time that summer and was completely self absorbed about the changes in my life: a first year of college over, a break-up, and a chance to go forth and see the world. I honestly don't remember much about my first impressions of Jordan except that he was so small and I could not feel any maternal inklings when I held him. I was much too scared of dropping him or otherwise mishandling his tiny, wobbling head and limbs.

By the time my niece Mia came along 7 years later, I was working for a U.S. Senator, dating a man I would go on to marry, and still, I remember only fleetingly what I thought about upon hearing the news. I was excited to have a girl enter the family and was looking forward to seeing Jordan act as a big brother. This kid who had endured 7 years of family gatherings as the only child, talking to me about religion and war, hurricanes and science. He was a thoughtful child who never ceased to amaze me with his observations on life. Watching him develop over these last 9 years has continued to astound me--he's taller than me now and his chill, teenage demeanor belies the chattering, frenetic boy I used to know.

In honor of his birthday this year, he got a haircut and then we went out to lunch and to the mall for a day of relaxation and shopping. Here are Mia and Elisa in their matching outfits bought during a bit of retail therapy last weekend.

Later that night, Nacho and Elisa kept the beat with a bit of a gigglefest while rocking out to some Yo Gabba Gabba tunes.
Stace and Mia making a perfect photo closeup.
The whole clan gathered around the mac to watch a video compilation I put together for Jordan's birthday. I know he was slightly mordified, but then that's what family is there for.
We love you, Jordo!

Completing the circle

Last night after bathtime, we let Elisa jump around on the bed naked for a few minutes like we do at home. Mom and I each had a hand and she jumped with wild abandon for about 5 minutes. Then suddenly, she stopped and started pointing at the bedroom door babbling on and on about something. Now while this sounds pretty vague, it was actually crystal clear. She wanted my dad to come and join in the fun. Since there were just the 4 of us at home last night, it was as if she knew someone was missing out on all this jumping excitement. So we called him into the room and she quickly dropped my hand in search of his. I love seeing how Elisa interacts with my family, but especially heartwarming is when she makes it known that she enjoys being with them. I hope we can spend many more evenings here and she can request as many jumps as necessary. It certainly wore her out before bedtime!

Like a champ

Funny how a change of scenery can do wonders for a girl's appetite. Since arriving at Grandma's house, Elisa has steadily eaten her way across new continents of food: black olives, bologna, chex cereal, turkey noodle soup, brownies...all tried with excitement and approved with requests for seconds and thirds and fourths. Sometimes the requests are granted; she downed almost a bowl full of sliced olives. But as in the case of the brownie, I told her to go ask Grandma for another one. When mom returned to the kitchen, Elisa scurried over and began a long, rambling speech which clearly ended with her pointing to the brownie pan. That's my girl.

Who can blame her for being such a chowhound here? Grandma's cooking is delicious and the highchair affords Elisa a wonderful view of the open kitchen and living room--not to mention the large picture window overlooking the deck. So, naturally she's been very content to sit and eat and enjoy her meals, especially dinnertime with the whole crew. We've pulled her up to the table and ditched the tray for a real "sit at the table" approach. And this social butterfly loves the attention. Mia and her traded bites last night, giggling and devouring each other with their eyes. If there was any doubt, Elisa has clearly found her role model in her cousin. Hopefully some day they will be the ones cooking up a storm for us as we relax around the table. I can dream, right?

It's working

What started last week as kind of a fluke has now taken hold as a new routine. One morning I put Elisa in her crib for nap time after a few minutes of rocking, and instead of averting my eyes and sneaking out of the room quietly, I looked straight at her and waved goodbye. I even blew her a kiss to seal the deal. She immediately responded with her own wave and stared at me until I closed the door. I could hear her in there playing and talking for a little while, but after about 10-15 minutes, I assume she fell asleep. She didn't do her normal quiet then cry for attention which usually prompts me to return after a few minutes of incessant sobbing. In fact, she stayed down for a little over 2 hours without a peep. Now naps are not always long sobfests, but this wave and goodbye felt almost too easy. Elisa still naps twice a day and will normally play a bit before falling asleep. But this method of acknowledging I am leaving her on her own was new. I have kept it up all week to astonishing success. Even after traveling to North Carolina, she has been MUCH easier to put down in Grandma and Grandpa's house. She doesn't cry and cry as if I am torturing her with isolation from her cousins and all the fun of this new place. Each time I've placed her in the crib, she's sat up and waved even at night in the dark. It's pretty cute and definitely a sign that she gets the separation is not forever--just a break to recharge her batteries. Knowing that she knows this and is becoming a willing participant is great comfort especially as I try to relax and enjoy some down time myself. So thanks, Elisa. I appreciate you more than you know.

Beachin' it

We had a great afternoon at the local beach yesterday. Here are a few pics of our running around. Elisa loved the water as much as last time and didn't flinch when the cold water rushed over her toes. It was a little breezy so the jacket stayed on, but the sunshine was warm and the sand felt great underneath. Considering it's still March, this is pretty early for such a nice day but we'll take it. And we're looking forward to many more trips this summer.

Headin' South

We made it in to Wilmington, NC last night around 7 p.m. after a smooth flight which Elisa tolerated quite well. Perhaps after the mad dash to LaGuardia where we checked in barely 30 minutes before the flight, Elisa picked up on my sense of relief. Traveling standby was always such a thrill pre-baby, but now it is usually more chaotic than comforting. Luckily I know my way around that airport pretty well and I navigated the security line (always shorter over at Shuttle), picked up a snack, hit the restroom and made it to the gate as boarding was just getting underway. Timing is everything. Without having to wait, we were on the plane just 25 minutes after pulling up at the curb and by the time we sunk into our seats, Elisa was all bright eyes and eager to have a look around. Part of why we were running so late getting to the airport was because she decided to take a second nap. Or I guess, I decided for her. Just three hours after waking from her morning nap, she was acting tired and cranky and so I gambled on putting her down even if for only 45 minutes. I had almost everything ready beforehand so that extra bit of time without her was a nice break, but I found myself not wanting to wake her. Just a few more minutes, I thought, which turned into 10 more, then 15 more and by the time I had attempted to raise her from the dead, she was having none of it. She simply rolled over and curled up again with the thumb firmly planted in her mouth. Finally, we were up and loaded in the car and Nacho found a new way to get to the airport (thanks, hon, for that last glorious scare!). But in the end, it all worked out, and we made it. And now we are excited to hit the beach nearby to soak up some of this gorgeous spring weather and maybe find some shells or sharks teeth. My kind of day. Pics to post soon!