Fede comes to town!

Last week my friend Federica visited us in New York City before we both headed on to our 20 year high school reunion in Kansas City. I hadn't seen Fede in 13 years, since the first summer she returned and I drove over from St. Louis. I had only been dating Nacho for a year and he was off to Spain for a few weeks in August, so I made the trip to see her.  No matter how much time passes between our visits or emails, though, nothing seems to change between us. Fede is truly one of the most lively, interesting and sincere people I've ever met.  And having the chance to introduce her to my family on this trip was wonderful, especially since she's now a mother herself and knows what this kind of chaos is all about. The girls were excited to hang out with her in Central Park and we managed to spend a leisurely afternoon running around, eating ice cream, catching bubbles and watching people.  There were of course moments of tantrums and screaming, kicking and not wanting to follow, but overall, it was enjoyable. 

Carolina is at a difficult stage right now where she thinks she is older and more capable than she really is. And my willingness to give her more freedom is there, but sometimes she can't handle it. Case in point, the SpongeBob ice cream that ended up in the trash can after she refused to eat it and decided holding it while it melted all over her lap was a better idea.  So I had to play the meanie and toss that crap away. Oh well. She just doesn't know what she's doing all the time which is frustrating for both of us. Good thing is, she's easily distracted still so moving on and finding relief wasn't too hard. The bubble man in the middle of Poet's Walk was a nice chance for the girls to get out and run around. Fede and I were talking and enjoying ourselves and before you know it, it was 7:30 p.m. and we were sitting there without any agenda. A few hot dogs and pretzels later, and we were ready to pack it in. This day was working out alright, but our jet lagged guest and two tired kids made it an early evening.

Talking to Fede about her own sense of motherhood and how she sets boundaries for her son was such a great re-introduction to where we are in our lives.  Despite nearly 13 years since our last visit (and 20 years since we first met), we are in the same cycle of life and our similar reactions are again a point of bonding.  From dealing with labor and breastfeeding to disciplining our kids, we have so many common views. And yet, we are living very different lives in two very different countries.  She somehow juggles a demanding full time job as an attorney with her role as mama to Pablo, now three years old.  As she explained their child care arrangements and quest for the right preschool, so much of her journey reminded me of my own. And even though I'm staying at home full time now and dealing with two kids, there was lots of common ground and head nodding over the weekend.  Seeing her interact and play with the girls was so much fun. Elisa was smitten with Fede's boy Pablo during the few minutes of Facetime that we managed to do with him back in Milan.  So much so, that before Fede left, she gave her the Pablo and Tyrone stuffed animals from the Backyardigans for her to take home. I think he'll be pleased. And who knows, maybe in 20 years these kids will be hanging out together in Europe sipping espresso and talking about their crazy moms. Anything is possible.

Coney Island Adventures

Last week had its highs and lows--mostly involving Elisa. We started off the week returning from North Carolina which was a bit of a long day, but all went well. The girls rocked the flight and despite the nasty weather, we were back home in time for an early bedtime on Monday night.  After a few days away from the city, it felt like summer was really here and there was a lot of anticipation for the week ahead.  Tuesday was all about returning to our routines at school and the park. On Wednesday, Elisa had her evaluation for the Dual Language program at P.S. 150 which went well. Hopefully we'll know this week if she has a spot and if so, we'll face the final decision about where she's going to go to Kindergarten. But more on that later. Yes, the week was busy but going well so when Nacho mentioned he was off on Thursday and Elisa's UPK was closed, it was a perfect excuse to do something summery. Nacho suggested hitting Coney Island since it had been 6 or so years since we'd been down there.  Then I remembered that the NY Aquarium had only recently reopened after the extensive damage from Hurricane Sandy, and I thought it would be a nice double feature. I signed us up for a Wildlife Conservation Society membership (with a $20 discount for a googled promo code!) the night before thanks to a tip from some friends at the park, and away we went to indulge in free parking and all the aquatic wildlife you could stand. 

The vision I had created in my head was a fun-filled day on the boardwalk ending in a ride on the Wonder Wheel and two happily exhausted kids.  But what happened as soon as we got to the aquarium was that Elisa wanted to take off and run ahead of us the entire time. The first few rooms full of tanks with beautiful fish and stingrays were definitely awe-inspiring, but she was in a mad dash. I found myself mainly admiring the fish by myself while Nacho chased the girls.  Since there wasn't much to see inside, we quickly headed out to investigate further. But unfortunately, the place was mostly roped off because of the ongoing reconstruction efforts. Then Elisa spotted an ice cream cart and wouldn't relent while poor Carolina wanted out of her stroller and couldn't really see much of the outside exhibits anyway. It was not shaping up to be a banner day. We didn't have great timing for the seal show which started an hour and a half later, so we decided to head over to the boardwalk for lunch and maybe double back if time permitted. We could save this day yet...

Things outside the aquarium started off okay. We hit a small play area on the beach for a few minutes before walking further down. We peeked into the amusement parks and I told Elisa we might go there later if she was acting good.  Then it was time for lunch and the lines at Nathan's were pretty long so I encouraged Nacho to treat the girls to ice cream while we all waited (and because I was sick of hearing Elisa tell us she wanted ice cream. Really?). I know he wasn't thrilled with this idea, but it was my attempt at appeasement.  And just like Chamberlain with Hitler, I was terribly wrong.  Of course, our kindness was not repaid with gratitude. No, instead of enjoying a peaceful meal sitting on a bench, we were screamed and fussed at from all directions. The skies were clouding up and the wind made it almost too cold to enjoy sitting there.  Nacho and I barely spoke as we wolfed down our lunch and chugged a beer. Carolina wanted to bolt again from her stroller, and Elisa was now begging to go back to the playground on the beach.  There was no relaxation or enjoyment of this ocean view. It was chaos. And I was annoyed. 

While I attempted to change Carolina's diaper at the public restroom, Nacho went off to chase Elisa on the beach. And we were both surprised by what came next. I returned to the boardwalk because the changing table inside was so sandy and disgusting. A quick diaper change on a public bench wouldn't be too bad, right? Oh, but there was poop...and I didn't realize it until the wipes were further than an arm's reach away. There was a quick shuffle, a smear on her shoes...the kind of scenario you picture rookie moms having. But no, there I was. And really I would never have changed a poopy one right next to a woman sitting 2 feet away on the other side of the divider. Oh well. I had to carry on, so I did. Meanwhile, Nacho was searching the playground for Elisa only to find out she'd started off to the one farther away without telling us. Yeah, this was heading for a bad ending. We managed to throw Elisa in the stroller while letting Carolina walk as we marched back to the car. There was no more fun for the day--not that we'd had any anyway. What kills me with Elisa is that she's so headstrong and so completely unnerved by charging out on her own. I know our local park only encourages this because she plays out of our view most of the time (and we love that given the safe, enclosed environment). But she doesn't realize that she can't do this out in public. And she didn't listen to our warnings about staying close which upset Nacho and sent me into another tirade as we wrangled her into the car.

Lately there's been so much yelling with her and I hate it. I hate that she doesn't listen. I hate that we are constantly trying to pull her back from the edge of reason.  She can't seem to enjoy what she has and she's always wanting more, more, more.  Or she needs help and she can't just ask, she has to yell and cry for every. fucking. thing. It's exhausting.  And unlike the advice I read, my calm voice does nothing to instill calm and control in her. So I resort to threats and yelling. Taking things away. And mostly that works, but it's such a joykill. I just don't understand why Elisa can't figure out how to have fun without making us all crazy. So our little trip to the edge of Brooklyn wasn't exactly the thrilling day I imagined, but maybe that's okay.  I have to keep at it, or I would stay home all day waiting for Elisa to act better. After nearly 5 years, I know that's not going to happen. It was one of those experiments of trying something new, and it failed. But I got a better lay of the land for Coney Island and we saw a few neighborhoods around Brooklyn with some greenery and great views of the Verrazano Bridge. So maybe we'll be back. But not anytime soon.

Happy trails...

Heading home...

After such a good weekend, it was time to pack it in on Monday and head home. Stacey and family hung out with us for a bit on Sunday morning before they made their departure. So by the next day, we'd had plenty of time to play a bit more in the kiddie pool, eat as many ice pops as Grandma had in the freezer, and maybe get to bed a little earlier than the previous nights.  Waking up to gray skies, I slowly started to pack up and round up the snacks and toys.  The gentle rain and rolling thunder seemed a fitting signal to tell us it was time to leave.  The sunshine had said good bye.  Of course, that also meant some tricky travel scenarios, so I spent most of the morning watching the flight delays for cancellations (of which there were none, thankfully). By 1:30 p.m., we made the decision to give the last flight of the day a shot and headed towards Wilmington in a steady downpour.  Mom wasn't feeling well and stayed home, but she got a tearful goodbye from Elisa before we backed out of the driveway. Seeing my girl so upset was sweet and a little painful. It's hard when you can't make the distance any less, and you know these visits are too rare. As much as we love where we live, not having family nearby is probably the biggest downside.  It makes these kind of brief, but intense, trips necessary, and again, I'm thankful that we have the time and the opportunity to make them.  

I don't know what the fall will bring when we deal with Elisa being in school full time, but somehow this feels like our last few months of freedom. With Kindergarten, we begin the slow march toward the academic calendar that will rule our lives for the foreseeable future. Not to say that I'm dreading it, or that there won't be chances to travel again--there will be. But in many ways, our family life has been unfettered up til now, and I'm just starting to realize that we can't always stay in this little bubble. Soon, Elisa will have her school life and things will shift slightly.  Even if I'm not back to work by fall, it won't be long. Carolina is growing too and she will need more interactions and have her own life apart from that which I provide. It's part of growing up and as happy as I am to see them grow, it means having to embrace the change that is life. Nothing stays the same.  But for now, we are going to make the most of this summer weather and count down the weeks until we get to see the other side of the family in Spain. After two awesome plane rides this weekend, I'm actually not completely dreading the trip overseas. Everything gets better with time, and after several strangers complimented the girls on their travel behavior (including our very sweet cabbie), I might actually take some pride in that.  The girls were home and fed and ready to sleep by 8:15 p.m.  It was the earliest night of the bunch, and well timed because I needed it too. Traveling requires so much energy and patience, but I know Mom and Dad appreciated the effort. And that alone made it worthwhile. 

Beach Day

Considering how impromptu this whole weekend was, it really came together in the most amazing way. Our travel day was nearly flawless, we had a nice day to lounge and recover, then Stacey and family drove down on Saturday to kick things into high gear.  With another day of beautiful clear skies and highs in the mid-80s, we decided to head out to Emerald Isle for a bit which is only about 30 minutes away.  The crowds were thick and choosing to park at the public access site definitely didn't do much to help this. But with two little ones, I knew we wouldn't be staying long anyway. An hour and a half was more than enough time for these girls to get their feet wet, jump some waves and scratch around in the sand. Elisa was completely carefree and happy to run back and forth from the sand castle to the waves. I barely needed to watch her at all. She found a couple of kids playing nearby and made some instant friends. She's always good at that.  

Carolina, on the other hand, wasn't so confident at first.  She took a few minutes to warm up to the pounding water and sand in her toes, but then it was as if a light switched. Suddenly she wanted to be independent and stride right out into the sea.  There was lots of hands flapping and toddler cursing as she shouted and pushed me away. I love the way she stomped her feet and tried to tell me to back off.  Sorry kid.  We had to keep pulling her back toward shore and chasing her out of the surf which got pretty old after about an hour. She didn't like this one bit, but helping her jump the waves was fun, if tiring, and Mia was a great help.  I can see so much of me in both my girls' love of the water and I really look forward to the time when we can all relax a little bit on the beach. Trying to get them both to sit still on the beach blanket to have a snack wasn't easy. And then there's the problem of sand. They just don't understand to keep their hands clean when we sit to eat. Ugh. I hate sandy food. But after a quick few bites, we were nourished enough to go back and splash around. And then it was time to pack it in. A brief stop at Dairy Queen in Swansboro on the way home was exactly what the day needed. Yes, summer has arrived. We've made it to the beach already. And now we look forward to heading back north to the city and seeing how soon we can feel the sand again.