Trick or Treat?

The good thing about Halloween being on a weekend is that you get a chance to dress up twice! Today was pretty low key all morning, but we managed to get back in gear post-nap and head out to Julie and Jesse's Halloween bash in the gardens. Elisa was not any happier to get dressed today, but once I explained the candy concept again, she perked up. We were off to do some real trick or treating...

Approaching our first house around 46th Street, she wasn't too sure what was going on. It was about 5:30 p.m. and there were lots of kids already on the street. In fact, most of them were running past us, which didn't make Elisa too eager to get out of the stroller. She hobbled along for a few minutes and got a couple of kitkats and M&Ms under her belt. I think we stopped at three houses, but that was all she was interested in. I asked if she was ready to party at Maya's and the answer was a resounding "yes." So off we went, and what a good idea. The party was a great way to spend the evening in the midst of the hubbub, but safely removed from it. Good food, good company and Elisa got a chance to jump around and dance with her fellow flamenca dancer Maya. When we made it back home around 8p.m., I busted out some chocolate for her. Hopefully, she's piecing this all together and will be looking forward to Halloween by the time it rolls around again next year. It was always one of my favorite holidays in my favorite season of the year, so I'm hoping Elisa will like it too. Now, to start thinking about a family costume for next year. Hmmmm...

Happy H-A-L-L-O-W-E-E-N!

What a difference a year makes! Last Halloween we flew back home from Kansas City after a grueling week settling my Nana's affairs. Elisa was sick; I was tired. And we were both equally relieved to stay inside and hibernate the rest of the weekend. So fast forward to this Halloween weekend, and I knew we were going to have more fun. With Zara's birthday party and the Sunnyside Gardens Park Halloween fest both on Saturday, things were looking good. I prepped Elisa about wearing her "pretty dress" for a couple of hours before the party. That did nothing. She kept shouting, "I don't want any pretty dress." That's standard these days. Just fill in the blank: "I don't want any __________." Oh, Elisa. How cute you looked when you finally succumbed to my iron will.

Both parties were a smashing success. Tania and Chris threw a magical party with lots of games, crafts and good food. All the costumes were amazing, but I was deeply in awe of the family costumes. Love the themes: Wizard of Oz, Spanish dancers, Harlequin clowns, James Bond, Mets! I think Elisa enjoyed the dress after she got some extra attention walking around. That always helps. After a while, she even forgot about the hair piece I fixed on her bun. Later at the park, the kids managed to run around for a good bit before the October sun hid away again. By 4 p.m. it was downright chilly. But luckily, Nacho was off today and managed to get Elisa home to nap while I banged out some volunteer hours at the park. We rounded out the day with some homemade sausage, kale and tortellini soup I made last night. So far, I can definitely say this year beats last year's Halloween hands down. Now let's see what I have energy for tomorrow...whew!

Here's some footage of the chaos that is a two year old's birthday party!

Catching up with friends

Thursdays usually turn out to be pretty busy. There's music class at 11am, followed by a stroll or maybe impromptu lunch with friends. Then nap and usually the park in the p.m. And just like Newton's laws of motion, it's true that when you are go-go-going, it's easier to stay on that path letting the constant motion guide you. Because once you stop, well, you're done. So today, we just kept going. From my baking-before-breakfast routine, to a quick visit with a friend, to our music class and then a playdate at Carmen and Leonardo's. The kids were all enjoying the warm weather and sunshine after yesterday's drizzle, so we opened up the back porch and took our coffee and bagels outside. What a nice morning...

And except for one disastrous timeout (wherein I tried moving Elisa from room to room until I finally sat her down on the front step), Elisa was in a pretty terrific mood. We're struggling with sharing toys and taking turns in the most life-or-death way. There is just no in between with this girl. Once she regained her composure and understood that she could have a turn, things improved. She even handed off the item in question (a broom of all things?!) and seemed to get that it wasn't "the end" of her playing for ever and ever. But the amount of effort and patience it takes to get to that point alludes me some of the time. It's so much work just calming her down. Oy. And yet I don't really think of Elisa as a "high needs" kid. But there are definitely times when I watch other two year olds and think their tantrums are a whole lot more manageable. Is the grass always greener? Who knows. But what gives me hope is that when she finally stops sobbing like I'm stabbing her in the heart, Elisa makes that eye connection, takes a deep breath and sometimes--if I'm lucky--gives me a hug like she did today. That alone was worth the crazy.

My little scout

"Elisa, is the train coming? Do you see it?"

"Oh, der train!!"

"Cover your ears."

And this is how we roll. Who says the MTA isn't fun? Elisa had her blood work done today for her two year visit (only two months late this time!) so we were off to Manhattan to the lab at Beth Israel. I have to say they did another remarkable job getting her in and out of there. The technician was an older woman named Riva who was the same from last time. I remember that face full of makeup so thick you think it's already Halloween and her comforting words to Elisa. If you have to be stuck by someone, at least she has good aim and was fast. Afterwards, we visited the playground at Union Square where Elisa pouted for a good 20 min. before she would leave the stroller. Ah, yes, pay back. But that was all quickly forgotten when we took her for lunch at a nearby BBQ place with a free kids meal and, more importantly, a red balloon. She held that thing all through lunch with her gimpy little arm all bent funny. She wanted to make sure I knew it hurt her, and I did. But luckily, a nice long nap, an afternoon at the park and a lot of horsing around with Papa and she forgot all about the boo boo by bedtime. Lights out.

All the girls

On Sunday we were invited to an impromptu brunch for my former co-worker and friend Dessi and her little girl Sofia. I remember the day I found out Dessi was pregnant. It was a few weeks before I was let go from work and she was one of the first people I knew I was going to miss. Over the four years that I worked at the firm, Dessi was a constant friend and I really miss our chats while walking through Chelsea Market. While pregnant, she finished law school, took and passed the NY bar and moved to Texas. Did I mention she's the real deal? That's why I jumped at the chance to see her again this weekend. It's hard to pick up and travel when you've got more than luggage to cart around, but once again, Dessi seemed totally poised and effortless. And wow. That Sofia is one beautiful baby. At four months, she is all about chewing on her hands and those little grunts of displeasure when she wants something else. But in all, she was so incredibly quiet and sweet. And when she fell asleep at brunch, Elisa took a peek at her tiny hands, shouting "manos." Though their ages are vastly different now, I know in a few more years, the girls will be chasing each other around the room.

It felt good to be out celebrating this new life, especially with everything else going on these past few weeks. There's something about kids--the way they just suck you into their world--that makes it hard to stay in a funk for too long.

This is hard

Today is just a hard day. We found out yesterday that our friend Patrick lost his battle with cancer. I find myself constantly returning to thoughts of him, of what his life might have been. He was the baby brother of our friend Molly, the best friend of our friend Dan and an all around great kid. I say "kid" because he was. Patrick was the goofiest, sweetest, dreamiest kid. His conversations could take on so many fanciful thoughts and yet, he always seemed well grounded. A guy from Arcadia Valley, MO. A gentle soul who loved his nephews so much that I can't imagine them growing up without him. Reading his Facebook wall has been so tough and yet amazing. Today I think his father summed it up best. I had to share. From Thomas Wessel:

Contradictions: When I read all these messages it makes me both cry and rejoice. Cry because Patrick is no longer with us but rejoice because there has so many people whose lives he touched. And when I say that Patrick will never grow old I am so sad that I'll never see "Adventure in St. Louis" starring Patrick Wessel and for the grandchildren I will never hold. But, on the other hand, he will always be 25. He will forever be at his laptop telling me what I'm doing wrong. He will always be optimistically getting ready for the next interview which will lead to his big break. He will never hurt again. He lives on in our hearts and minds. And that is why it is so important that all of you fine young people must remember--that some day, when you're in your sixties and seventies and eighties you must say to someone, " I once knew a guy who was really nice and I still miss him. His name was Patrick."

Party central

Yesterday we celebrated our bud Kieran's 2nd birthday at a nearby fun house in Queens. It's the kind of place that just invites kids to run and slide and scream as much as they want. Pretty much perfect. Elisa was in a good mood, but at like any gathering, she had her own ideas of what she wanted to do and when. The play area was so tempting, it was hard to get her to sit still long enough to eat something. There were balloons and pictures of Elmo, and then across the hall another family was celebrating with Dora posted everywhere. For a while, I thought Elisa might decamp to their party room--she was definitely eyeing their decorations.

Seeing Elmo up close and personal should have been the highlight for the kids, but I think it was still a bit overwhelming. Party boy Kieran loved it, despite being a bit under the weather. He was a champ. But Elisa went running and screaming out of the room. Later, she wanted to see the photos of Elmo that I took, and was very happy to grin and point at him. We played some more before heading back home for a much needed nap. Mine.

Weighing in

From time to time I realize this blog is not just about Elisa. It's about my life with her which can sometimes bring up a range of emotions and topics that are not exactly all smiles and rainbows. It's part of being a parent, I suppose, that we feel things more deeply sometimes and we care in new and profound ways because we have found a new capacity to love someone. I can't hear or read about kids being hurt or bullied, killed or killing themselves without an almost visceral reaction. I'm reduced to quiet tears any number of days--usually just for a moment--when I see empathy in practice. Small gestures with meaning are so valuable when the rest of life can seem chaotic. Is this the reality of mothering or just a hormonal imbalance? Who knows. But for whatever reason during the past two years, I've found that my heart aches in new ways when I encounter suffering. In the past few weeks, we've found out a good friend of ours is very sick. His cancer returned and has spread within his body. It's the worst news any family could face and yet his has wrapped him in love and are waiting by his side every day to see him conquer this beast. He's 25. It's just not fair. I find myself wondering how life can change so dramatically and how any of us can cope with the unknown. How can I protect my daughter throughout a life I cannot even imagine for her? It's not really fear that I feel at this thought, but resignation. I know I can't keep her safe. Just like how I know that when I see the face of suffering, it could really be my own. We are all so vulnerable in this life.

EDITED TO ADD: Today, October 24, 2010 we lost our friend and surrogate little brother Patrick Wessel. We will miss him greatly.

Photo courtesy of Clarke Tolton

New Artist in the Family

We have a new artist in the family. Specifically, we've got another photographer. Her name is Elisa. She's pretty awesome with her new kid-friendly camera, the Kidizoom which we saw and loved at Juliet's house. Yesterday, Elisa snapped over 100 photos in about an hour. The kid is on a roll. And this morning, it was the first thing she told me about when she woke up. "Smile...click." Yeah, I think she's hooked. Now the question is if she's the exclusive photographer for her own blog? Hmmmm. Let me know what you think.

It's only been five years, but I had to dig up the pictures from our other trip through Route 7. As I mentioned before, it was one of our first trips through the Northeast and we were so excited to just take to the road and wander along. Ahhh...the good ol' days of traveling with no itinerary and no curfew. Here we are happy and smiling without a clue of what life would be like in a few years time...

Maybe I'm a sucker for nostalgia, but I really loved looking back at these photos. Not only do I think we've aged pretty well (okay, Nacho never changes) but I feel like we are where we should be. I know it's a constant struggle to want more in life, and to wonder where things are headed. Eleven years ago when I met Nacho, we were living in St. Louis and united by a feeling that we should both be somewhere else--maybe together. We picked up and moved to Spain a few years later, and after 15 months there knew it wasn't the right fit. The jobs weren't materializing and at the time we were still undecided about how and when to get married. It was a lot to figure out. We came back to the States and landed in Philadelphia for 2 years while things sorted themselves out. It was the start of our family life, but still it felt like we weren't "there" yet. A new job and a move to New York City at the age of 30 felt like a trick at first. Wouldn't I be too old and too tired of the city life to start again there? Within months, I knew the answer was no. I felt alive. I loved it. We both loved it. And for the first time in a long time, we were home. Having a baby in the city brought about a whirlwind of changes that sometimes make me lament the cosmic shift in our lives. But still, we have found a way to adapt and thrive. It wasn't easy and I can definitely understand why people with kids leave. But sometimes, if you stay, you get to a place that feels like this is it. This is where we are now, and it's good.