Sunny days are here again

As some of you already know, Elisa is getting her first tooth right now. It's just broken through on the bottom and I can see the imprint of the one next to it about to do the same. It's such a cool "first" that I had to try to get a photo of it. She is obsessively passing her tongue over it and loves turning her spoon around to bite on the metal end. Here we are today in the park trying to enjoy this first almost summer-like Saturday. 

Virtual moms

I've never been one to shy away from a social outing so when someone mentioned to me that there was a mom's group in my neighborhood I had to know more. Of course, at the time I was only a few months pregnant and was in no hurry to meet the nitty gritty of real parenting. So I did my research and sent an email to the group moderator of the online moms forum and bided my time. Within a week or so, I received my welcome to the group known as Sunnymoms. The welcome turned out to be an Inbox so full of daily email exchanges--everything from questions about feedings, to nanny advice, to apartments for rent--that I almost thought about setting up a new account just to handle the volume. For those last blissfully ignorant months, it was nice to kind of spy on the "real" moms and read their concerned queries about which pediatricians supported extended breastfeeding or where to get a carseat installed properly in the neighborhood. And then Elisa was born. And suddenly this virtual world of mom-dom wasn't just light reading and then "delete" for me anymore. I was checking in around the clock to see who was posting about sleepless nights, or who knew the best ways to swaddle a baby, or why for the love of God hasn't someone cured the world of colic?? I didn't post much at first, but still it was nice to know that out there in the middle of the night, in an apartment maybe on the same block, there was someone--a mom just like I was--going through all the same things and making sense of it one day at a time.

Though there were some moms already meeting regularly at the local parks and coffee shops, it wasn't long before a "new" moms group emerged. In the haze of Elisa's first 3 months, I read longingly of their Thursday morning get togethers, always hoping that next week I could make it. But week after week, I was with family or had no more than 30 min. sleep all night or felt less than human in my pajamas for the third day in a row and I couldn't make it. By early December, I was fortified with a couple of good, restful weeks behind me and I went to the first meeting for the new moms group that had just been born. It was an oasis of normalcy. Women sitting around with their babies, some sleeping, some nursing, but all acting like babies, and I realized that I was in good company.

Now flash forward 4 months and Elisa is growing so fast I can barely recognize her from the squishy-faced little screamer I'd adored at first sight. And the weekly meetups are still happening--mostly without me--but I've been able to swing work around a few more times to make it. And each time I do, I realize that I need this in my life. I have so many wonderful friends, but most don't live here and the ones that do don't have kids. It's hard to explain but there is a naturalness and a lack of pretense with these virtual moms that I find so refreshing. Being able to whine or bitch or laugh at the things we are all going through and to hear yourself in their answers is such powerful reinforcement. Part of our setting up a regular schedule with our nanny is so I can have a more reliable week-to-week presence in the office. And secretly, part of it is so I can make my once a week moms meetups in the nabe. It's a shame that I haven't been more, but my goal is to have Elisa asking me in a year if we can go see her friends on Thursday. And I hope the answer is "yes."

p.s. photos are courtesy of fellow Sunnymom Kristin Burns

http://www.kristinburnsphoto.com/

Family Portrait

Since we have been struggling with the question of whether or not to upgrade to a 2 bedroom apartment, I thought it would be wise to enjoy the last few months of our cheap rent and buy the big toy Nacho's been wanting: a macbook (I think that's "mactalk" for laptop). Of course, like all kids, he's been playing with it and discovering new tricks.  The photos above are from the photobooth option he showed me the other morning as I was heading out the door to work (which may explain why I am the only one who looks somewhat awake here).

As I write this I must also confess that we are still very perplexed about the whole concept of real estate in New York City. The desire for more space and a real bedroom for our daughter is a strong counterpoint to the twinge of prudent greed about our insanely affordable, spacious 1 bedroom.  In some alternate universe I hear myself say that I live in a 1 bedroom apartment with my husband and child and wonder why I think that's normal.  I was born into a 3 bedroom house in a nice, middle-class suburb of Kansas City, MO with a large yard, swing set and more room to explore than a kid could possibly appreciate. It was a wonderful way to grow up.   I have great memories of riding my bike around unfettered or playing hide and go seek late into the summer night or walking our dogs all around the neighborhood with other friends when I could barely tie my own shoes.  Now I scoff at the 'burbs as those boring places where other people live.  

I have come to value the things this city can offer with its diversity, its beautiful parks, great museums and the promise of something new on every block.   But while I know how to live here as an independent, adult woman, I'm still coming to terms with living here as a mother.  And more than ever, the question of where to live in New York--which neighborhood, what school district, which subway stop--feels like the eternal, unanswerable question. When we moved here 4 years ago from Philadelphia we were taking a big jump into the unknown, but still I knew we could handle anything that happened. Nacho and I have always been a good team that way.  How we lucked into this apartment, this wonderful neighborhood, I'll never fully understand. It was, and is, a great discovery--a home. And this is why it's so difficult to contemplate a move anywhere else in the city. What I want most of all is to be able to stay put and build on the feeling that makes Sunnyside so special--it is a true community hidden away in a big city. Even with my big backyard, I never got that as a kid. If Elisa can forgive me for another year, she might just realize someday that having her own room wasn't so important anyway.

Daddy's girl

If there was ever any doubt about it, we can safely say now that Elisa is most definitely a daddy's girl. Here she is with Nacho loving every minute of her ticklefest and managing to catch a bit of the Colbert Report too.

Spring swings in

Thankfully, Nacho has had a great schedule this month and we've been trading off childcare duties with ease. As we've observed for some time now, it's amazing how easy she can be when you are dealing with her one-on-one.  Though she seems to be a very social little girl, I think the extra stimulation of mommy and daddy around at the same time, or extra house guests seems to hype her up a bit.  But the days when she is happy to play in her crib for a bit between feedings or takes 2 hour long naps and sings herself to sleep are the best.

Of course, Elisa continues to impress us with her many expressions and shrieks of joy.  She does some pretty funny dancing as well when she stands on your lap and moves her hips and shoulders. We're nearing the 8 month mark next week and it's cool to feel little tooth buds working their way to the surface on her bottom gums. No actual teeth yet, but we're close...so close! She's also been moving her bedtime up a little bit and now goes down most nights between 8:30 and 9:30pm. This is a welcome change since even a month ago, we had many nights where she was eating her last bottle at those times. Somehow just regaining a few hours in the evening to eat dinner, watch tv, or clean up without her is like gold. It feels like I've done something right.

We haven't had too many warm spring days yet, though there have been plenty with sunshine. Here are a few pics Nacho snapped at the park behind our apartment. Enjoy and more soon!

Soft voices

Elisa is becoming quite the talker these days...or at least a very good babbler. She really loves watching us talk and interact and will sometimes interject a thing or two if we stop paying enough attention to her. In the mornings when I pick her up from her crib, she usually has some nice, soft things to tell me. Like she's been waiting there thinking of things that I would want to hear. It's so sweet. Here's a sample.