Happy New Year!!

We're glad to be spending this last night of 2008 home in New York City together as a family. Nacho was back from a 4 day trip late last night and greeted with lots of smiles from both of his girls. We woke this morning to a snowy, cold day in the city--a sure reminder that winter is upon us and there is lots more to come. But with two sets of visitors coming in the month of January (grandma followed by abuela and Kiki) we're sure to pass this time indoors with lots of good company. My goal for the new year is really quite simple and that is to continue to learn and grow as a mom and a wife and a person who has so many reasons to be thankful and connected to the world. It seems easy enough to say that, but being thankful is not a passive state. It takes a certain amount of energy and time to reflect and let that soak in which is not always readily available. But I'm getting better at it and Elisa helps me immensely. As I've heard before, kids can really help you live in the present because that's all that matters to them. So, to all of you, I wish you the same--a very happy and thankful new year with lots of good company and time to enjoy them.

Presents...yum!

Here is Elisa eating the bow off her present...must taste good!

Looking back at 2008

Wow...what a year this has been. I remember so vividly last Christmas and New Years and the sense that something BIG was about to happen to us. We had been planning for a few months to start our family and the news that I was pregnant before the holidays was a real gift. There was a lot of excitement and anticipation about the year ahead.

Little did I know then how this new life would completely change and improve what we as a couple had managed to create. In 2008 we have become a family. It is a feeling I can only describe as "whole." There is this new unit and it takes all the pieces of our old life and makes them have more meaning. The sense of selflessness and putting Elisa's needs first was a welcome shock, but a shock nonetheless. But once we figured out how to do that and how to keep her as happy and safe as possible, life got a whole lot easier. That's not to say we have things all sorted out...far from it. But what I think we have gained this year is a new appreciation for our own families, especially our mothers. And we also have a confidence that this girl in our lives will grow up to recognize how loved she is.

Every day there is some new moment to remember--a new look or smile to react to--and it all reinforces the sense that we are very lucky to be with her. Elisa has already changed so much in 4 months that I'm bursting with excitement to see the next 4 months...and the 4 after that...and...It's like there is a newness to life and to each week that passes and it brings more and more anticipation of the next. And while I will admit that this same feeling was very overwhelming in the first two months, it has become my greatest joy now that we have the benefit of more sleep and a more restful schedule overall. I know we are fortunate to have a happy baby who has good health and really that is all that I wanted this time last year. The fact that she turned out to be as beautiful and smart and playful as she is, is just a bonus. And it's one more reason to celebrate her safe arrival and entry into this world. Thank you to 2008 for all that you brought us.

Merry Christmas! Feliz Navidad!

To all our friends and family, merry Christmas and a happy new year.

Party Animal

Elisa and Jude at Dan's second annual Christmas tree trimming party.

Happy Holidays!

Here is Elisa playing dress-up in the outfit my mom sent us. It's really cheesy in the best way. Love the corduroy and gingerbread men. Of course, trying to prop her up in this seat and take photos was a little challenging, but mostly I'm just glad she didn't slide off. I would hate to photograph that!

Reading the signals

Considering how much I read about the changes of pregnancy during my pregnancy, it might seem surprising that I have barely cracked a single book about early childhood or parenting. Maybe the sleep deprivation made reading difficult these first few months, but something else tells me that it was also a little resistance. I felt like even when things were going wrong with Elisa (no sleep, fussiness, lack of schedule), that she would eventually reveal herself to me and we could work this baby stuff out just the two of us. No books required. Of course, as more time passed, I began to wonder exactly when this would all start to happen. But even as I waited, I knew there was a solution. It was just taking a really long time to get here. And now it finally feels like it has.

For almost 2 weeks now, Elisa has become an almost predictable baby. It's like life is suddenly normal and we just added a new little person to it. She wakes up sometime between 6am-8am then eats/plays/naps on a roughly 3-hour cycle until sometime between 7pm-9pm and then goes down for the night. Yes, I said for the night. It's been a solid week of 7-10 hours at night and the change is palpable. The screaming, gassy, crazy baby we had one month ago hasn't returned and in her place we have a nice, talkative, sweet little girl who likes to end the night with a little rocking and singing before she passes out on her tummy in her crib. She makes lots of grunts and noises all night long, even sometimes a single cry, but yet she stays sleeping. And when I find her in the morning, she has usually wiggled her way to the top of her crib and turned a good 90 degrees. It's so funny to watch her wake up and start to fuss because she really has no idea how she got there. But as my mom said, I think she's been chasing her thumb across the crib all night and finally caught it.
If you are able to get her out of bed and a bottle in her mouth within a minute, you might avoid the series of cries and pathetic sobs that greet you. But usually, this is not possible. So we bring her into the kitchen to talk to the bears in the drawing my niece Mia made for us while we wait for the formula to heat up. It calms her for a few minutes until she realizes that she hasn't eaten for hours and could really go for more food. Burping her has also become a new challenge because Elisa likes to shove her fingers in her mouth while you are trying to get a nice, gentle burp out. This usually means grabbing her hands away from her repeatedly while she sways and dives from one side of you to the other. If you're really lucky, she'll wipe her foamy mouth all over your cheek while she's doing this. It's kind of like a water ride at an amusement park--lots of wetness all over but some how you're laughing the whole time.

Now I know that just as we've figured out this stage, it will inevitably change. But somehow, just figuring it out and reading Elisa's signals right has become so satisfying. I guess if every baby is different, you really don't need a manual...just a little more time to learn the lingo.

The best sound of all

We have been happy watching Elisa do so many new things. This week we added another--laughter. Here she is smiling and laughing at her daddy.

We have thumb!

Thanksgiving indeed! Here's Elisa enjoying her favorite dessert--thumb pie. Mmmmmm.

Tummy time

Here's our little girl in action. A few minutes later, she had her whole fist in her mouth!

Giving thanks

As I've often remarked, Elisa has a knack for timing things just so. It's like she knows when she needs to come through in a pinch. And so just in time for Thanksgiving this week, she has made our lives all that much more thankful: she's actually slept through the night! Yes, last week on our journey to North Carolina, we had our first 9 hour night. Nine hours of solid sleep! It was pretty unbelievable. Of course, I woke up almost hourly just out of habit, but rolling over and dozing some more was so nice.

While we're not sure exactly what prompted it, the best guess is a combination of her new formula (Nutramigen) and reflux meds (first Zantac and now Prevacid) and possibly the magic 3 month mark. Because the first night coincided with a long day of air travel, during which Elisa was curiously wide awake, I was convinced it was a fluke. But after two more nights of 8 hours each, it seemed like we had a different baby all together. Backtracking slightly to the 4 and 5 hour stretches with a feeding in the middle of the night wasn't the best feeling, but it's still such an improvement over a few weeks ago that I'll take it.

What we still don't know is why one medicine helps one aspect of her reflux (the spitting up and croaking noise) and the other seems to cure her stuffy snorting and sleeping problems. It doesn't seem like we should have to choose between these symptoms. Luckily we are getting her into a pediatric GI doc next week, so maybe part of this mystery will be solved. In the meantime, we're just happy to have all of us together in one place for our first Thanksgiving as a family. Bringing Elisa into this world and seeing her develop these first few months has been such an eye-opening experience. Every day there is something new to be amazed by and it helps get you through the hard times and long, sleepless nights. I don't think there is much about these months I would repeat, but then it has given me a new perspective on surviving one day at a time...and looking forward to the next.

Winterizing

With the temperatures outside beginning to feel like November, we've been taking Elisa outside a little less. I'm dreading that first cold she gets this winter, but I guess that's another rite of passage...in the meantime, here she is with her fleeciest garb. So cute! P.S. Note that she has worked her thumbs OUT of her mittens. How typical, but we're hoping it trains her to suck on them and not her entire fist. She needs all the help she can get.

Wake-up call

Considering how much I post about my sleepless nights, I figured it was only fair to write about a good evening for a change. Yesterday Nacho was called for a three day trip, so we said goodbye to him mid-afternoon and prepared for a long night ahead. By about 6:30pm, Elisa had taken a good few ounces in and was getting drowsy so we laid her down around 7:45pm. Mom fixed a nice dinner and we enjoyed some peace and quiet for a change.

Of course, there had to be some trade-off and it was clear from the phone calls my niece Mia began making to us, that another granddaughter far away was having a very different kind of evening. My sister and her husband were off to the Marine Corps Ball last night, enjoying some time together after his recent return from Iraq. Apparently, Mia has been having some bad dreams of late and was really missing her grandma last night, so she called mom wanting to hear her voice before bedtime. After a series of calls, though, it was clear that perhaps grandma's voice alone wasn't doing the trick. There is just no substitute for a good hug and a snuggle when you are missing someone like that.

So a few hours pass and mom has checked back with my nephew Jordan to see how Mia was doing. Luckily, she had fallen asleep so we felt the evening drama had probably ended. Oh, no. Meanwhile, our little Elisa was waking up around midnight and after wolfing down another bottle went right back to sleep. It was a delightful end to the day. I climbed into bed around 1am and figured I wouldn't be there long. But waking around 2am, I realized this might be a good sign and went back to sleep, happy to hear mom snoring away while Elisa remained contently asleep.

Around 3:40am though, I heard my phone ringing in the living room. I thought it might be a wrong number, so I waited until I heard the alarm for a new voicemail before climbing out of bed and tiptoeing past my sleeping angel. When I got to my phone, I saw that I had missed a call from Jordan's cell phone and listened to the message from a distraught little girl--yes, Mia had made the call to talk to grandma one more time. I immediately dialed her back, half awake myself, thinking this was a good thing to do. Of course, hearing my voice, Mia sounded like she wasn't really too distressed and quickly whispered a goodbye after I told her we were all sleeping and she should too. Her hushed tone told me that she was probably huddled down in her bed trying not to let anyone at home hear her talk--a definite no-no, but sweet nonetheless. When I returned to bed, mom turned over and I told her that Elisa was still sleeping, but Mia had just called. We both laughed about this turn of events. I guess you never outgrow needing your grandma in times like these.

The power of one

I like to think that as this first holiday season with a baby approaches, Nacho and I will be smart enough to forego the lure of expensive toys and just focus on what Elisa really wants--her fist. Yes, she still hasn't mastered the art of thumbsucking and now she seems hellbent on watching her fist and talking to it. Who knows why, but it has become a routine after feeding that you lay her down and she goes ape over that left fist. Here she is in rare form.

To sleep, perchance to dream

Just as in all fairy tales, we have our own fair maiden (we'll call her "Sleeping Beauty") and she does make for an interesting story. Most importantly, perhaps, her story is never the same two days in a row.
In fact, what we have found over the last week is that our little girl likes to sleep several hours in a row when it is most convenient to her. Usually this doesn't coincide to any time of day we can predict. It could be after a big feed or not, following a bit of fussiness or relative calm, early morning or late in the day. But what we know for sure is that it hasn't happened overnight. While Nacho and mom and I are taking turns sleeping in shifts and mapping out our days to have all bases covered, Elisa weaves in and out of dreamland as she pleases. The only consistent pattern being her rabid hunger when she does wake, gnawing on her hands and making them good and slobbery before erupting in a fit of squeals. As mom noted today, some babies wake up cooing and staring at the ceiling, but not Elisa. When she leaves her dream world, it's loud and cranky and you better have something to eat for her NOW.

Also, as these pictures suggest, we have recently started to put Elisa down on her tummy. Yes, despite my initial hesitations and all the SIDS campaigns against it, tummy sleep does seem to be more comforting to her. Mostly, it allows her to stick her hands in or around her mouth without completely smacking herself and flailing about. It also seems that she can burp, fart and wiggle without opening her eyes and waking up further. For now, we are keeping a protective eye on her during this sleep with someone always on-deck. So far, she is taking to it well and has even been showing us her upper body strength when she wakes and does her push ups to get our attention.

Overall, I keep reminding myself that it's still early for her to be sleeping long stretches at night. Culturally, I think we have the belief that if a woman can return to work between 6 to 8 or even 12 weeks, then babies ought to cooperate and give their parents more overnight sleep. But in reality, no one who has a baby that I've talked to seems to think that 3 months is a milestone for sleep. It just happens when the baby is ready. And we've already decided that Elisa may be a baby who requires less sleep than others. She definitely isn't going the 9-10 hours a night that some mothers on my internet baby board are reporting. But then, I'm pretty sure those babies must be too bored to stay awake. Our girl is all smiles and talk, wanting to ring every bit out of her awake time. And if that's the way the story goes, so be it.

Fall colors in Central Park

Considering Elisa's night owl schedule, we haven't been venturing out too much in the daylight hours. But today we took her to see the fall foliage in Central Park--one of my favorite scenes of the whole year. The skies were a little bit overcast which made the leaves seem even more colorful. She snoozed through most of the park, but I'm pretty sure she can see through her eyelids.

Hello Bright Eyes!

Last week I finally admitted defeat and called in the reinforcements to help us straighten Elisa's sleep schedule out. Yes, Grandma flew back to New York and even gave up her chance to vote tomorrow (which pains me to say) to see for herself what all this drama was about. So far, it hasn't proven too effective in changing anything, but we're very happy to have the extra pair of hands. There's nothing like a grandmother to share the good AND the bad and smile at it all.

Of course, we're still getting the only real consolidated sleep at the very END of the night--Elisa goes down by 5 or 6 or 7am and then sleeps a good 4-5 hour chunk. Trying to get her to move that sleep slot to a more reasonable hour has been our primary goal these last few nights with little success. We've tried letting her nap less during the day, play more during her awake times, and use our new found noise machine and aquarium crib toy to lull her into a profound sleep. NO DEAL. Elisa has decided that she would still much rather coo and smile and squirm all night long and confuse us even more. It's not as if she's fussy or crying or gassy all night. In fact, most of her awake time from midnight til dawn is nothing more than that--awake and alert without any known problems. So we spend this time lulling her to sleep only to have her wake up crying with a burp or just not sound enough asleep to stay that way. It's as if every little creak of our wooden floors or a little groan of the couch cushions makes her spring back to life and has us all walking on eggshells through the night. Meanwhile, once daylight strikes, you could have full conversations with the TV blaring within earshot of this girl and she dozes straight through. It's so annoying. But never fear...we're going to IKEA today to buy her crib and I'm just sure that will do that trick. Ah, yes, I can feel the sleep...

Thumbing it

Elisa has a new friend and it's actually attached to her left hand--her thumb. She's been trying for a couple of weeks to make thumb and mouth meet without much success. It seems no matter how quickly she gets the thumb into her mouth, it just won't stay put. Here she is giving it the old college try.

Learning to sleep

I'll start by mentioning how wonderful it is to get 4 hours of sleep in a row these last few mornings. But of course that's only half the story--they all seem to happen somewhere between 3-4am til 7-8am! Not exactly the time of night I was hoping for our big stretch. Elisa has calmed down quite a bit since her 2 weeks of continual gas and fussiness in North Carolina, but now she seems to regard the wee small hours of the morning as her best time. She just WON'T fall asleep.

Take for example our evening last night. After her 11pm feeding, she slept from 12:20am until 2:45am. Then she ate and wanted to stay up until almost 5am. From 5am she slept through until 9:20am. I suppose this would be okay if didn't view 3-5am as prime hours for my own sleep. But somehow, knowing I might get to sleep in til 9am is completely undermined when you are rocking a wide awake baby at 4:30 in the morning. I guess this will all work its way out eventually, but waiting is beginning to wear me out. Of course, seeing her face smiling at me every morning and those playful times on her blanket (see above) make up for all the inconvenience. Or at least that's what I tell myself in the middle of the night.

Carolina on my mind

Now that we're back from our trip down South, it feels like a long ago dream. Seeing mom and dad again and having Elisa meet her aunts and cousins was a real treat and one that I'm lucky I had the time to do. Elisa was a real trouper on both plane rides (sleeping on the way down and barely fussing on the way back) and I hope that we'll keep up the pace. We have lots more trips in store for her, so we're going to need a baby that likes the movement and excitement of air travel. The only time she really got keyed up was during the taxi-ing on the flight home. As soon as the plane started down the runway, though, she was blinking her way to sleep and stayed down for the next hour. Hopefully she will continue to impress us with her go-along attitude.

During my two weeks in NC, I was constantly reminded how much it helps to have family around you at times like this. I feel very fortunate that I had such great help so I could squeeze the most out of my between-feedings blocks of sleep. Despite the fact that Elisa had a lot of issues with her tummy while we were there (gas, gas and more gas), mom did manage to get one 5 hour chunk of time for me (amazing!!) and most nights we had a good 3-4 hours between feedings. Decoding Elisa's new found facial cues and variety of cries (yes, she does have a bitchy one--can't wait to meet that temper!) was a fun game and I was happy to see her progressing every day with more smiles and cooing. By the time Nacho arrived this week, we were pretty sure we had a different baby to take home. So all in all, I was able to relax a little and enjoy sharing Elisa with the people I love the most.

Of course, nothing lasts forever, and as I'm finding out, Elisa is never one to get complacent with a routine. Our first night back home she was pretty calm and went down after each feeding with hardly a burp. It was like magic. She didn't give me more than two hours of sleep at one shot (3 hours between feedings total) but it felt somehow effortless. So on Thursday we ventured into the city in the Baby Bjorn and Nacho kept his dentist appointment (where Dr. Boyd pinched her cheeks and probably inspected her gums without me noticing) and I took Elisa to the office to hang out on Bosses Day where she was a big hit.

Last night was our first without Nacho around since he's got a two day trip this weekend. I was a little bit fearful all day long of how exactly things would go. It felt kind of like waiting for a hurricane to make landfall--it might tear your house down or it might miss you completely--you just don't know. I have to say it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but then again, I was just amazed I got any sleep at all. Miss Thing didn't want to go down for more than an hour at her bedtime feeding, so I picked her up and rocked her til the next one at midnight. Then she screamed and faunched on and off until about 2:30am (within 1/2 hour of her next feeding) but luckily she somehow fell asleep without that one and slept until 5:15am. By the time we woke again at 8:30am, I felt like I'd made it through the battle, and bruised and bloodied might just live to see the day. It's crazy how delusional sleep deprivation can make you! Now today we are hanging out and I'm trying to approach this second overnight alone with a bit more bravado...oh, yes, she will sleep tonight. So we might as well enjoy the day we have. I'm thinking of taking a shower even! And as for Elisa, she is fed and laying down as I write, so let's hope she stays that way for a bit longer until I can join her.

Elisa's love letter home

This week marks the first time Elisa has been away from Daddy since she was born. After 6 glorious weeks on leave, Nacho started back to work the same day (October 1st) that I flew to North Carolina, so we've been relaying all her changes and expressions to him over the phone. But no matter how well I describe her smiles or the vocalizations she is beginning to make, there is never a way to capture it all...so here's some video of her cooing just for him. Enjoy!

Flaky Stinky Monkey Girl

So, we're in North Carolina visiting the family and everyone is in love with our little Elisa. Not that we're actually calling her "Elisa" mind you. We've mostly taken to calling her anything but her name and in fact, my favorites are the words of the day whether it be flaky (for her budding cradle cap forehead) or stinky (for the inevitable diaper odor) or monkey girl (for when she curls her toes around your finger). We all agree that she's been making MANY more faces and even SMILES at all of us these past few days. I told Nacho he's going to be surprised by the looks he gets when he sees her again in a week. And the cooing...my god, the girl is singing and talking to all manner of objects (ceiling fans, the leather chair, her bassinet) so much more. It's great to see that change and to realize that one of these days there will be words there. Here are a few pictures to enjoy the changing faces and I'll be adding video later on.

A girl of a million faces

As mom and I were discussing today on the phone, Elisa continues to change and amaze us with her variety of facial expressions. I know we're only talking about a 6 wk. old, but I swear she has so much emotion in those eyes and her little quivering chin. As you can see, the expressions range from surprise to fear to sheer contentment. It's a wide range for someone so small. But we love watching all the faces and getting to see her add news ones to the repertoire. I even managed to get these captured on film the other morning and I have to admit that she was a very compliant baby--holding still while I snapped away without using a flash (didn't want to blind the poor thing). So, we'll see how the faces change once she meets her aunties (Stacey and Barbara) and cousins (Mia and Jordan). We're flying down on Wednesday, so there will be lots of new people to make faces at, and I'm pretty sure she'll manage a smile for them if they're lucky.

Morning Time

Just as we were beginning to really lament the whole newborn sleep thing, something strange happened this week--Elisa started to take a hint and sleep more from midnight on. Now I won't say this is going to be an everyday occurrence, but for the past 3 or 4 nights, she has gone down sometime after her late feeding (between 10pm and 12am) and stayed down for a good 4 hours. Without interruption! This is exactly what we were looking for earlier last week when it seemed she just couldn't calm down at night. I don't know whether it's magically making it to the 6 week mark today or just lucky for us, but she's also been able to stay sleeping after a brief awake time in the morning between 8-10am. It's like a gift from the gods...Today I even had lunch at 1pm which felt almost, dare I say it, normal.

So here's a video of her with Nacho waking up...and watching some quality soccer on the Internet. Don't say daddy didn't take good care of her--he's already starting the "futbol" education. Soon there will be two of them screaming "G-O-L!"

Gorda! Gordita!

Today was our 5 wk. checkup with "Dr. Julie" (a little too bubbly, if you ask me) and lo and behold our little Elisa has packed on quite a few pounds. Yes, pounds...as in plural. She weighed in today at a whopping 9 lbs. 10 oz! Considering she was barely at her birth weight (7 lbs. 7.5 oz.) at her last check in only 3 weeks ago, it's a pretty big jump. But then we knew all along she was getting some pretty good "groceries" as Grandma likes to say.

Now the only challenge left is the one that seems the most elusive--yes, SLEEP. Elisa has decided that she really can't be bothered to sleep her 3 and 4 hour stretches at night any more. And in fact, most nights this week she has opted to stay awake between feedings, alternating between quiet and awake to all out screaming. Sometimes it's gas, which is easy to detect. The girl farts louder than her father. But sometimes, she just doesn't want to be put down and even holding her isn't always comforting. Nacho and I have been staying awake in shifts and doing our best to console one another, let alone this baby who can only communicate with her variety of wails. But as we near the 6-8 week period, I am hopeful (maybe naively so) that there will be sort of change for her and some kind of day/night distinction will come into focus. Until then, I am trying to keep up with her and "sleep when she sleeps." Of course tonight we hung out with friends in the city for a few hours after her doctor's appointment and since feeding in the park at around 5:30pm, she has been asleep the ENTIRE evening. And it's 11:30pm now. The mantra of sleep when she does would be more useful, if only I knew when that would be.

Elisa is satisfied

Somehow there is nothing cuter than Elisa after a feeding. She's so satisfied and sassy with the arm waving and dopey smiles. Even when she looks a little stunned, she seems totally content.

One month down

So, here we are one month later and Elisa is continuing to change and amaze us on a regular basis. We've had our families visit and leave and the reality of being first time parents with no instruction manual has finally set in. I think for both of us, it was crucial to have our initial baby questions answered by the women we love and trust the most. Seeing them in action was also a god send in ways you just can't explain. Was it their rocking hips or cozy bosoms that soothed so well? Who knows, but it worked. We've stolen a few moves from all and tried a few of our own and somehow this first month has flown by.

Now with the apartment all to ourselves, the evenings are starting to take on a little bit more of a routine. I've been taking an early nap and waking sometime between 11pm and 1am to feed. Then I take over and let Nacho sleep til 5 or 6am when I hand her off and doze in the bedroom in peace. Sometimes, she even sleeps a few hours in between and I lie on the couch praying she will stay down long enough for me to get a little more rest. But all in all, it seems to be working out and I'm definitely getting caught up on my Project Runway and Top Design marathons, as well as checking out some quality movies on Lifetime and WE (yes, I really did watch most of "Only You" with Marisa Tomei--so what?!).

We've also been experimenting with the various modes of transport available with this newbie, and have finally found her real pacifier--the Baby Bjorn. It's like baby gold. You take Elisa from a state of wakeful rebellion and strap her in to this harness and she's O-U-T. Of course, at first I thought we were just cutting off her air/blood supply with her head at some crazy angle, but after checking with another neighborhood mom (whom I accosted on the street to ask), we have her sitting in it the right way and she really seems content. Of course, now I'm also content since Nacho finds it equally pleasing to carry her around in. I told him he can have her these first 9 months out of the womb (to make up for lost time). So, it's a win-win. We even went in to the city yesterday for a long walk, ate dumplings, breastfed and changed an exploding diaper, then came home on the bus. All in the Baby Bjorn. It was just like old times to be so carefree...ah, yes, the old times...

Waking up is hard to do

Yes, Elisa loves to nap and nap and then nap some more. Usually this is a good thing...unless we are heading out the door and then it's SO hard to wake her up. Here she was just before Abuela Mercedes was set to leave, so we were trying to get out the door to the airport. But the princess just couldn't be bothered. I think the Daily Show with Jon Stewart playing in the background helped rouse her.

Amazing Night

I knew we'd get some real overnight rest eventually, but considering how fussy Elisa was at dinner last night, I wasn't expecting it so soon. She slept 4 HOURS IN A ROW! Which completely amazed me and helped both Nacho and I feel like victors this morning. She went down around 3:15am and didn't rouse til 7:15am on the dot! It was great. And after that feeding, she slept another 2 hours without a peep. I know we probably won't keep it up completely, but just the idea of her sleeping 4 or 5 hours straight has me giddy with excitement. I know Martha Stewart gets by on less shut-eye, but for the rest of us humans, having those hours together in the middle of the night is precious. And so what if I had to rig her paci a little so it wouldn't fall out of her mouth. If the trick worked, it worked, okay?

Our first goodbyes

Well, as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. Tomorrow morning Elisa's grandparents, Jean and Greg, will be heading back home to North Carolina. It's been almost three weeks with her grandma and 5 days with grandpa and yet there is never enough time to enjoy them...you just want it to last. Somehow, having my own daughter has transformed my understanding of my parents and of the relationships that mean the most to me.

Months ago when my mom asked about what I needed from her and how soon I wanted her to come here, I felt a bit confused and apprehensive. I had no idea what I wanted or expected of her during the birth and after, and it seemed like one more thing I had to worry about. As the time grew closer, though, I felt more anxious about getting her here before Elisa's arrival, but still unsure how exactly to predict that. Considering that mom was flying here the day my water happened to break, I guess things worked out the way they did for a reason. I definitely don't think I could have made it through labor, as difficult as it was, without her guidance and support. She validated all of my concerns and helped me communicate with the myriad of doctors and nurses when I couldn't make myself understood. She also helped Nacho through this whole process, and though we both know he has the mother-in-law voice block occasionally, I know he was as grateful as I was to have her here these first few trying weeks.

Now that Nacho's family is here and mine is leaving, I feel a sort of bittersweet emotion. There is so much to share with them and yet, I know my parents will be missing out on the next little changes in Elisa's life. I'm planning to visit North Carolina in early October to see my sister and my niece and nephew for the first time, and my Aunt Barbara who will be in town. Hopefully, mom and dad can last until then without their baby "fix." And if I'm lucky, I'll get through these next few weeks on my own without resorting to midnight phone calls to a sleepy grandma. Of course, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't mind.

The Spaniards are coming!

Today marks the arrival of the Spanish delegation from Nacho's family. His mom, Aunt Pauli, Aunt Kiki, Uncle Ignacio, and cousin Amaia will be flying into Newark from Madrid at 2pm. Nacho is planning to collect them by car service and bring them this way, hopefully making it here around 4pm or so. Considering they bought their tickets in the middle of the summer--planning on a September trip--I was most anxious that we wouldn't be waiting for Elisa to arrive when they did. Luckily, it's worked out well and we've had 2 weeks already to get acclimated to the new routine. I know it's been hard for Nacho to contain his excitement of sharing her with his family, but his almost daily phonecalls home have helped a lot during this time. Of course, there's nothing like seeing her, but in the meantime we've been posting videos and photos for everyone to get a sneak peek. Now today they'll finally get to meet this little wonder of ours.

Feeding frenzy

It seems like one of the first questions I get these days is about how well Elisa is doing with her feedings. Whether at the doctor's office or getting emails from friends who've been there before, I am constantly being asked about her nursing habits, whether I'm breastfeeding and/or supplementing her, and how she's pooping/peeing. Considering this is my first time as a human milk machine, I'd say things are going pretty well. In fact, my breasts haven't been nearly as sore as I anticipated after those first few days passed and I'm finding that the little animal I gave birth to is a hungry girl...most of the time.

Elisa's favorite way to wake up is to squeak a few times, barely crying out enough to get noticed. Then she begins rooting around, smacking her mouth on anything that resembles a fleshy surface (elbows are nice) and generally trying to impress upon us that she is, indeed, starving. However, within minutes of sucking, she is usually knackered enough to need prodding and poking to keep on track. Mom has become the Burp Queen helping move the gas and air out of her tummy, while I favor the hands-off approach of letting Elisa lie on the couch for a few minutes--just enough for her to wake up and realize there is more food to be had. The wet washcloth to the face also works wonders, though I find she's not as annoyed with that lately...must think of new tricks.

Since we've been carefully monitoring her weigh-ins with the pediatricians (thanks to their overzealous 48 hour check approach), I know she's already gained back a good part of what she lost since birth. On Friday she was still down 2 ounces, though, which means we try again on Tuesday to bring her back up (and hopefully OVER) her birth weight of 7 lbs. 7.5 ounces. In the meantime, I'm pretty sure that she's getting plenty of sustenance since we're changing her twice every feeding it seems with lots of seedy, curd-laden diapers. The appearance of the "O-Face" (with her terse little mouth--not the other kind) during a feeding is a sure sign that the bowels are moving and the hunched shoulders and blowout will follow. Seeing how these little signals are already forming and she is telling us with her 2 burps and the hiccups that she's nearly full is an amazing feat after only 2 weeks. There is so much to decipher, of course, but still it's cool to find that she has lots of non-verbal cues for the reading. Now if we can only get her days and nights sorted out in the next few weeks, we can maybe master the feedings and the sleeping. Wouldn't that be nice.

Vampire baby

Despite being an adorable baby, Elisa is, I'm pretty sure, a vampire. She loves to feed every 3-4 hours all day long, sleeping good stretches and going right back to La-La Land. But by 11pm, something switches in her and the little vampire emerges. She takes her late night feeding and then springs into action, burping, hiccuping and generally fussing about until she's ready for the next feeding. Nacho has been pulling this duty the past two nights, with moderate success getting her to quiet down, while mom takes the hand-off around 5am to get her through the mid-morning.

I've been lucky enough to sleep on and off during this twilight time, but I can't help but notice the life-sucking energy of a newborn. It takes three of us to keep up with her and try to get some rest on this cycle. And again, I'm amazed at how Elisa just lulls us all into her little world where time seems meaningless. Our meals seem to just come and go without fanfare, while we all mark exactly when she is eating (for how long and which boob) and pooping (how wet or how solid) with a kind of precision I never even had for my job. The benefit of all this topsy turvy living is that you feel totally absorbed in her new life. And when she smiles, even the twitchy little grin of a well-fed baby, you can't help but feel like she loves you for everything you've done. Which must be why I'm happy to wake all night long for that little moment...vampire or not.

A study in motherhood

Taking Elisa to her first pediatrician's visit on Friday was almost a sociological experiment more than a trip to the doctor. The waiting room quickly filled up with moms, babies and toddlers who were all eyeing one another and taking stock of each's strengths and weaknesses. I was amazed by one Aussie woman's three abnormally tall and almost overly developed children who were 6mos, 3 yrs, and 5 yrs but looked much more like a 1 yr old, 5 yr old and 8 yr old. When she questioned the age of a young Indian woman's son (who turned out to be 9 mos. old but way smaller than her freakish daughter) the mother explained that her son was small for his age, but that she and her husband were both "small people." To which the Aussie replied, "Well, you're not that small..." and then followed it with the comment that even though he was small, the boy didn't appear to have anything "developmentally wrong" with him. Ouch. It was such a little exchange but so full of competitive mothering and sly digs. When the Indian woman mentioned she was there for her son's allergic reaction, she said, "You can't see it, but I can see it."

I kept my mouth mostly shut throughout this waiting room game, except to talk to a young Orthodox woman whose 6 mos. old daughter Yael was a fair little girl, but hardly "tiny" for her age as her mother suggested. When she asked how old Elisa was and I responded "she was born on Sunday," the mother expressed disbelief that I was out and about and looking so well. I thanked her, and then she explained that with her first baby, she suffered from some post-partum depression and plus she'd had an episiotomy so she wasn't up to much the first week. When she stopped and said, "did you have one?" and I said, "yeah, but you know, you just keep going" she was again slightly taken aback. I guess that's a little confidence booster in the new world I'm entering. To hear other mothers lamenting things I seem to be taking in stride must mean I'm doing something right. And if not, I'm sure they'll tell me that too.

And now for the REST of the story...

After educating myself over the last 9 months about the ups and downs of labor, I have to admit it was MUCH harder than I imagined. Not to say that I thought all the other women who've gone before me were talking crazy, but somehow, I had the sense that this could be a process I'd learn from and maybe smile about when I thought of it. NOT TRUE. But then, that's probably a good thing since if I'd have really known what I was in for, I'm not sure I could have faced it.

On Saturday, the 16th, at 4:30am my water broke and as luck would have it, Nacho was on his last trip overnighting in TORONTO, CANADA!!! I called him immediately and basically said, "get your ass home this morning as fast as you can..." He still had to fly the first leg of the trip back to Washington, DC, but then caught a flight to LaGuardia which put him home by 10am. My mom was already flying to NYC that day as well, so she arrived by 12pm. I wasn't having steady contractions yet, so I waited at home until about 3pm and then we all went to the hospital. Little did I know that this would be a VERY SLOW process.

I wasn't really in "active labor" until 1am Sunday morning. They had to give me pitocin (which increases the frequency and intensity of contractions) to get my cervix to dilate more and I tried so hard NOT to get an epidural. I just wanted to do this "naturally" but after 7 hours without any pain medicine (and the EVIL that is pitocin) I couldn't do it. I got the epi and that helped me relax between contractions. By 7am on Sun. I was fully dilated and ready to "labor down" and get this girl out. That's when I thought I was almost DONE. But the joke was, I had much more to go...she didn't arrive until almost 5 hours later!!!

My doctor was surprisingly patient with me, but finally he said we were going to have to do a c-section if Elisa didn't come out in the next "three pushes." Because she was in for over 24 hours after my water broke, the doctors were nervous we could both get an infection. I swear to God I have never felt so scared or so determined in MY LIFE! I pushed three more times and everyone in the room was SCREAMING "she's coming out!!!" and then I had to do a 4th and final push (yes, I snuck one more in!!) and she was HERE!! It was JUST in the nick of time. I avoided the c-section and got her out, but I don't think I could have taken any more. The doctor did help pull her out with a vacuum, which I have to say I'm glad he could because all 22 and 3/4 inches of her was very determined to stay put. Nacho and my mom were both with me the entire time and they helped me so much to stay focused and get Elisa here safely. Nacho cut her cord and she was cleaned up for a moment to say hi before they took her to the NICU for monitoring.

I was moved to the mother-baby unit while Elisa bunked downstairs in the NICU for 2 days, but we both came home yesterday, August 20 (coincidentally, my due date!). After all that, neither of us tested positive for any infections and Elisa's tests were all passed with flying colors. It's a long story, no doubt, but one I wanted to share. I think Elisa and I both willed her into this world and though I won't soon forget it, I have to say it was the achievement of my life. Until the next one....:)

She's here...

After a LONG day Saturday, Elisa Leonor Tortajada was born on Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 11:38 a.m. She weighed 7 lbs. 7.5 oz. and was a whopping 22 3/4 inches long. She has lots of fine brown hair like her daddy and blue eyes which might be changing to green. Hard to tell. We are both home today and Nacho and I feel very happy to have her in our lives.

Impeccable timing

Well, this will be short and snappy. I woke up this morning around 4:30am with a steady trickle of fluid coming out when I rolled over. Of course this would happen the last night that Nacho was working and on an overnight in Toronto...CANADA. So, I called him and told him he better get the first flight out of Dulles when he gets in this morning. Should be back in NYC by 10am or so. I've been waiting about 3 hours so far and have some mild cramps and contractions about 10-14 min. Talked to mom who was already awake at 6:30am because she's flying up today. As I said--good timing, huh? Of course, the first phonecall to the hospital was comical. The doctor on-call (who's a real jackass) said to come in so they could check me out, get me in a room and "start the pit." As in PITOCIN. I said, "uh, actually, I'm trying to avoid that." When I mentioned my husband was on a plane home and would be here in a few hours and I felt like staying put, he simply responded, "okay, well, that's fine. I'll let Dr. Randall know. He'll be on then." Which is funny, because that's my doctor who I could care less if I saw or not and now I'm actually relieved he'll be there.

So, now I sit and wait...and having cramps and a few contractions makes me feel like I can officially say labor has begun....maybe Nacho's nephew Diego will have a "prima" on his birthday afterall.

"You can't stop progress!"

Entering week 39 and have some encouraging news from my doctor...apparently Elisa is "engaged" in my pelvis which means she's pretty much locked and loaded in the head down position, ready for the final event. I knew something was different as of about a week ago, but hearing the confirmation at Monday's appointment was nice. He also checked to see if I was at all dilated and announced I'm at 1 cm, which is nothing much but at least shows she's headed in the right direction. Of course, some people stay at 1 cm until they are in labor and others dilate slowly over a period of time. We'll see which camp I fall into. As of today, though, I'm just glad to hear something is happening. Hopefully with one week left til D-Day, I'll be updating this blog next with some actual NEWS! Keep you posted.

It won't be long now...

August--the month I thought would never come has finally arrived and with it, the prospect of meeting our daughter. I've been having weekly doctor appointments for the past 3 weeks and am hoping there won't be too many more. The shopping is almost complete for the last few things we needed before Elisa arrives, and now I am concentrating on finishing up as much at work as I can. Nacho has already cleared his schedule after August 16, so he should be near home when I need him. And my last "official" day at work will be this Friday, August 15, so hopefully I'll still have a week to rest up and make the transition to being at home and ready for the big event.

There haven't been too many signs of Elisa's imminent arrival, except that I feel like she might have "dropped" or engaged in my pelvis this past week. I've been having much more pelvic pressure and slowing to a crawl when I walk. The peeing every 5 min. is still a constant (I mean, I never had a great bladder to begin with), but given all the swelling and discomfort of the last week and a half, I'm amazed I've been able to do as much of my normal schedule as I have. We also took a newborn care class this week which was maybe not as helpful as I'd hoped, but still a good forum for discussing what to expect in the first few weeks. Besides promoting olive oil above all other remedies, the midwife suggested some ideas for how to differentiate between day and night for a baby whose only concern is a 24 hr sleep/eat/poop cycle. Hopefully some of that will come in handy when I'm waking at 3am and 6am and 9am....

But mostly, I think the mood of the week has been one of anticipation. Nacho and I are both very excited to meet this little girl and to dive right into parenthood. With our fifth year anniversary coming up (August 28) we have agreed to let her be the "gift" and to enjoy the month and a half off work together with our little one. That really is the best present I could ask for.

A Swell Time

Maybe it's the summer heat and humidity or just the desk-bound life I lead, but this past week I've had a lot more swelling in my legs and ankles. Even to the point that taking my little walks from the train or thinking of cruising Central Park with Nacho have made me sigh with exhaustion before I've even begun. And yet every morning, just like magic, I can raise my feet in the air while lying in bed and they have miraculously returned to their normal size with hardly a bulging vein to see. I guess that's the reality of pregnancy with 40-50% more blood volume swishing around my body, most of it feels like it's in my "cankles" by nightfall and the commute home is especially slow and laborious. It almost feels like I have ankle weights tied to me like some bad Jane Fonda exercise video.

Of course, I've been told these fluids rapidly deplete in the weeks after birth. Mostly through sweat which I'm really looking forward to (as if I wasn't already sopping wet on the subway each day). But I suppose it's the fastest way to lose 10lbs. so I won't be complaining. The real joy will be when I have the spring back in my step and a little one tied up papoose-style and can enjoy the cooler weather this fall. That's what's keeping me smiling as I sit and sweat sauna-style back and forth each day, propping my feet up at night. All this too shall pass...or at least go down by morning.

Taking Classes

Last weekend Nacho and I participated in a childbirth preparation class at the very popular RealBirth center in mid-town Manhattan. Considering this was the same weekend his childhood friends in Spain were celebrating a riotous bachelor party, I suppose the contrast was especially fitting. We both knew the time was dwindling for us to get some instruction on what to expect throughout labor and after our NYU Meet the Doctors night last week, it was becoming clearer to me that having another perspective to guide us through this would be very important to our overall birth experience.

The instructor of our two-day birthing extravaganza was a "doula," or labor coach, who resembled Annette Benning or possibly Cokie Roberts, but with more of a yoga instructor's physical presence and a clear agenda of making birth sound like the most natural, "mammalian" act possible. She spent a good portion of the class asking about our goals and preconceptions about different aspects of labor and then showing videos, charts, and lots of massage techniques to help us understand ways to have a labor we could not only endure, but perhaps enjoy. I wouldn't say she completely converted me to the drug-free concept of labor, but after watching a lot of ugly people giving birth in the mostly 80s-inspired videos, I felt like this was a much more manageable process and maybe one I could try without running into Labor & Delivery screaming for an epidural.

Reality of course says that if 90% of the NYU births involve epis (as statistics show), I will be among them. But somehow the rebel in me wants to resist--at least as long as I can. There are so many reasons why having a needle in my spine and laboring on my back don't sound particularly appealing, but mostly I think that if I've had these childbirthin' hips since puberty, they ought to be good for something. And the progression of medical intervention into more and more "normal" labors does sound like something out of a Brave New World when you realize how many women of my generation are getting inductions, epidurals and c-sections without perhaps understanding there are alternatives. So, we'll see. This could be the post I live to regret. But for now, I'm feeling well-educated if nothing else, and really that's about all I can do until I see what this whole fuss is all about.

Timing is everything

Now that we're in the homestretch, so to speak, lots of small considerations have become BIG issues. Things like finally taking our childbirth preparation class (next weekend--yay!), making space in our bedroom for all the baby stuff, and planning our leaves of absence from work (yes, Nacho is joining me in that department--if only for a month). But while I might be most concerned with when to have my mom fly up before the baby is born or making sure that we actually have her clothes laundered beforehand, Nacho has a more pressing concern--making sure this baby arrives before the U.S. Open begins.

On Friday he bought tickets for his family to go and watch the men's quarterfinals on September 4th, which has him almost as excited as Spain winning the Euro Cup two weeks ago. Since his mom, Pauli, Ignacio, Kiki and Amaia are all flying over on September 3rd, we've actually been almost as excited planning their trip as we have been thinking about the upcoming birth. This will be their first visit to see us in NYC (except for Amaia who has made it over twice already), so we're looking forward to seeing them again and getting to spend time with them on our turf. And while I wouldn't begrudge Nacho getting to go to the U.S. Open (afterall, I went last year with Protima to watch Federer beat Rodick), I can't help but think that if it came down to me being a week and a half overdue and in labor vs. getting to watch Rafa or Roger...well, let's just say that's a choice I don't want to force. Not sure I'd come out victorious.

"...I'm just big-boned."

Since I haven't been traveling much these days, here's a photo for those of you who haven't seen the expanding waistline!

As Nacho kindly put it, "I really thought you'd be bigger by now." Ah, what a sweetheart...I think. But don't worry, the last month will be the best, or so I'm told. Gaining somewhere in the neighborhood of 1-2 lbs. a week (with 1/2 a lb. going straight to Elisa's bum), I'm sure I'll get big enough to impress Nacho. Just wait.

The Countdown Begins...

So, I'm not sure why I decided to start blogging today about a baby that has yet to arrive. But my hope is that by the time she gets here, I'll have this up and running and can keep everyone far and near up-to-date on her progress. Of course, that baby would be the daughter Nacho and I have taken to calling Elisa. She is already almost 34 weeks old (for those counting at home) and has developed into quite the little alien kicking machine.

I thought the onset of summer would make me completely miserable, but I have to admit that so far, so good. I'm not sure any woman who's 8 months pregnant is entirely comfortable, but I haven't been feeling too put upon. Yes, the subway ride is stiffling and the feet are swollen by night's end, but then that's part of city living where feet are transportation and the seasons bring all kinds of temperature differentials above and below ground. Being pregnant just means, I MIGHT have a better shot at a seat on the train!

Having said that, we just spent the holiday weekend pingponging between IKEA and Target, getting the apartment ready for her arrival (or at least starting to). Seeing how much we have already taken in (from very generous friends and family) I am feeling pretty excited about actually USING this stuff! It's amazing how close August is getting, and while her due date is August 20, 2008, I'm sure Elisa will pick the right moment to make her big entrance.